


Starting Over Again

by Blush8657



Category: Billary - Fandom, HILLARY CLINTON - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2018-09-10 22:20:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 46,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8941648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blush8657/pseuds/Blush8657
Summary: A major event shatters the Clintons lives. Will they be able to pull through?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi All. This is my first real person fic so as I do not know them personally, I have taken a bit of artistic licence with this. It is set during Hillary's senator days but I loved her longer hair during her SoS term so imagine if you can with the longer hair but younger.  
> Happy for any feedback and ideas. Enjoy:-)
> 
> p.s There may appear to be spelling mistakes but I am using British spelling which the system thinks is incorrect!

Andrew looked at his watch. It was almost midnight. They had been working solid since 07:30 that morning, breaking only for sustenance. He heard Jessica attempt to stifle a deep yawn, failing miserably. He looked at her and gestured his head at his watch and then to their boss who was sitting across from them at a large oak desk, every bit of surface covered with files and paperwork.  
Jessica widened her eyes and shrugged. What did he expect her to do? Eventually, after ping-ponging nonverbal exchanges for a few minutes, she cleared her throat.  
No reaction from their boss.  
Jessica cleared her throat louder, throwing in a slight cough for emphasis.  
This time, she looked up.  
Jessica’s eyes met with her boss’ brilliant blues and she smiled tentatively.

“Mrs Clinton, I think we’ve researched this education reform bill to death tonight” she joked lightly, “in fact, we think this revision may be ready to be presented to the House again”.  
Andrew then chimed in, “Obviously, we’ll re-send it to the rest of the committee to vote on but…we might need to wait till the morning….”

Hillary blinked and looked at the two young interns. She looked down to her watch and sighed. Where had the time gone? It was only 6 o’clock a couple of hours ago!

She rubbed her tired face and ran her fingers through her shoulder length blonde hair. Defeated, she smiled, and nodded.

“You two go on home and get a good rest. I’ll see you in the morning”.

Andrew and Jessica did not need told twice. They hurriedly gathered their belongings and made their way out the door. Jessica stopped,

“Are you not coming?” she turned to Hillary.

Hillary looked up from the report she was examining “I’m just leaving, I’ll give the boys a call to meet me outside. Now you go on”. She shooed them out the door with a wave of her hand. Jessica hesitated, but knew that the Secret Service – ‘the boys’, would be there in minutes once she made the call.  
“Alright, goodnight”, both Jessica and Andrew waved.

Hillary sat back in her seat and closed her eyes. Her head was throbbing. She enjoyed very much her new role as ‘Senator Clinton’ and whilst she loved probing through every single piece of legislation that landed on her desk, she did admit to getting so involved that she would lose track of the hours. 

She decided she had to quell this headache before it turned into a full-blown migraine. That was the last thing she needed. She took a couple of painkillers hoping they would take effect quickly.  
Hillary picked up her phone and absentmindedly scrolled through her messages. She smiled as she saw a message alert from a very welcome name.

Bill: Don’t work too hard… or too late! Going to bed. Love you darling.xx

She snorted lightly. He knew her too well. She was going to give him a quick call but noticed the time of the message --- 10:09pm. He’d be asleep by now.

Instead, Hillary tapped out a quick message.

‘I love you too babe. See you soon.xxx’

The painkillers began to do their job and Hillary soon felt the throbbing in her temple ebb away.

Looking down at the paperwork in front of her, the temptation was too much… she’ll just go through one more report as evidence to support the education bill. She couldn’t help being a self-professed wonk. Studying everything in minute detail was how she got her kicks.

Hillary studied the report in front of her. However, the more she read, the less focused she felt. Her eyes would skim over the words and the charts but found that she could not retain the information. The words eventually blurred into black scribbles and she found her eyes feeling heavier and heavier. She tried to shake herself awake, but she had been working almost 19 hours at this point.  
Try as she might to fight it, Hillary found herself nodding off and slumping awkwardly over her desk.

~~~~

Hillary awoke with a start, completely disorientated. Her office was in pitch black. She didn’t remember switching her lights off. She tried to shake herself awake.  
Something felt off. Her hears perked up. What was that sound? Breathing??  
Her eyes, still groggy from sleep would not adjust to the darkness. She didn’t know why but her senses were on high alert.  
Thud!  
There, she heard it again. The noise came from within her office.  
Her body froze. It was late, there would be minimal janitorial staff in the building, however they would certainly not be in her office with the lights off.  
“Who’s there?” she spoke out. Her voice was confident. She daren’t let on that she was apprehensive.  
Silence.  
Finally, her eyes adjusted and she saw the outline of a dark figure standing by the leather sofa in her office. The figure was less than 6 feet away.  
Hillary gasped and pushed her seat away from her desk.  
“Leave now!” she spoke authoritatively, “My agents are expecting me outside in the next few minutes and if I’m not there, they will be making their way in here!”

The figure did not move.  
Hillary’s heart started beating faster. What on earth was going on??  
She had to think fast. Her door was at the other end of the office. How could she maneuver through without being caught?  
Her eyes darted around in the darkness and to her dismay, she realised that she would have to physically pass the figure to get to her door.  
‘It’s now or never Hills’ she thought to herself.  
She stood up painstakingly slowly, hoping against all hope that it was too dark for the intruder to trace her movement.  
Her heart was pounding so hard and fast now, she was almost sure the sound was reverberating around the room.  
Steeling up all her courage, she sprinted past her desk. Just a few feet and she’d be at her door.  
The dark figure, oddly enough, still did not make a move. She brushed past it, bracing herself for hands grabbing out her. Nothing.  
She didn’t dwell on that too long though, her focus, her goal was getting ever so closer.  
Hillary reached out her hand and brushed her fingers across the door knob. Relief washed over her. She didn’t understand what sick joke was being played but she had no desire to wait and find out.  
Grasping the door knob fully with both hands, she twisted and knob and yanked the door open.

~~~~

Hillary yelled out in surprise as she felt herself fall backwards. The door hadn’t even budged an inch.  
Quickly scrambling to her feet, she tried again.  
In her panic, she did not hear the intruder approach her until she heard a deep voice chuckling in her ear. She felt her blood freeze and the hairs on her body stood on end. Her breathing was shallow and ragged.  
“Wh-what do you want? I have money. T-take my jewelry, take everything”.  
A gloved hand run through her hair and she and she attempted to yank her head away. Suddenly the intruder grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her head back painfully.  
“Why you, of course”.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ****WARNING******
> 
> Firstly, thank you all for the encouraging comment and kudos' to the first chapter. 
> 
> Secondly, this chapter contains graphic and sustained violence of various forms and may be upsetting to some readers. If you are underage or feel that you may be uncomfortable with this - stop reading now.  
> If not, please continue.
> 
> Authors note - This was a difficult chapter to write but I did my best with it and depicted it as realistically as I could. I did not take anything lightly. 
> 
>  
> 
> Please feel free with any comments and suggestions.  
> Thanks

Hillary whimpered in pain as the intruder grabbed at her hair painfully.  
She tried to steady her breathing.  
“I don’t understand. What do you want from me?”  Although she was frightened, she did not want to show any weakness. “If it’s a ransom, money is no object. I’m sure you know this. But you must let me go” she negotiated.  
   
The intruder did not respond immediately. Instead he pulled her close so that her back was against his body. She could feel he was broader than her and easily a head taller.  
“You can take your hand off your door handle.” He said calmly.  
His voice was smooth and deep. Yet it had a callous, mocking tone to it “It’s locked. You won’t get out and there’s no use in making a scene – no one will hear you”.  
   
Hillary felt hot tears prick her eyes but blinked them away. No. She couldn’t get emotional, she had to keep her head. She was a strong woman, she’d ran rings around the most powerful men in the world. She would find a way to get out of this.  
“I-I can speak to the D.A and the state will not press any charges. I’ll make sure of it. In fact, if you let me go, I won’t say a word”. The longer she kept talking, the less chance of any harm coming her away.  
The intruder laughed cruelly. “Oh sweetheart – Excuse me, 'Senator', do you really think you are in the position to tell me what to do?”

He put his mouth at her ear and licked along the length of her lobe.  
Hillary recoiled in shock and cried out.  
“I told you to take your hand off of that handle…NOW!” he yelled.  
Hillary was trembling now. She slowly did as she was told. Her mind was racing. What did he want from her? How much money could she offer him? Did she have her purse with her? Would anybody hear her?  
She was brought out of her haze when she heard him whisper in her ear. His hot breath giving her chills.  
“Good girl. Now, do exactly as I say, and we’ll both be happy…do you understand?”  
Hillary did not reply.  
“I asked you a question!” he dug his nails into her scalp.  
“Yes! Yes, I understand!” she cried, screwing her eyes shut at the pain.  
“Good”. She felt him smile and let go of his grip on her head. “Now, turn out…there's a girl…let me get a look at you…” he reached out and softly brushed a leather gloved hand on her cheek. 

She felt his eyes boring into her, but she refused to make any eye contact. He pushed her chin up, forcing her to confront him. He wasn’t masked as she has initially thought. Through the darkness, she could just about make out his face, however it was too dark to distinguish any real features.

“Take off your this blazer”. Her tugged at her cream coloured suit.  
Hillary exhaled sharply “What?? No! I-“  
She was cut off as she felt a stinging blow to her face. The force knocking her to the floor.  
“You’re clearly not any good at following instructions are you”. His voice was calm but his body language conveyed otherwise. His fist was clenched and his chest was puffed out. Then a strange, twisted smile came over his face " I like that about you Hillary ".  
Although dazed from the unexpected attack, hearing this stranger refer to her by her name made her blood run cold. That statement...where had she heard those words, delivered in the same unsettling manner?  But she didnt have time to ponder this as she was yanked back up by her arm.  
"Ok, lets try this again." His hold on her wrist was tight. "Take off your blazer and set it on your couch. We dont need a mess in here".  
Hillary, fearing another blow, took her free hand and began unbuttoning herself with a trembling hand. When he saw her complying, he let go of her in order to allow her to ease the blazer off, leaving her in her pale peach georgette camisole.  Eyes downcast, she came to a sickening realisation about her fate tonight. Her stomach lurched but she made a concerted effort remain expressionless. She did as told and neatly laid the blazer over the arm of her couch.  
"And the trousers."   
Hillary shook her head, trying to make sense of the events so far. "Why are you doing this?...Please...you've had your fun...I am frightened, you've got what you wanted from this..." her voice cracked.  
He stepped towards her. "Your trousers. Take them off and place them on the arm" he indicated to the couch.  
Hillary took a deep, shaky breath. Her hands fumbled with her trouser button and zip. Eventually they came undone and she stepped out of them. "Keep your heels on. I like that. Now let me look at you" he almost chuckled.   
Never in her 46 years of existence had Hillary felt so exposed. She crossed her arms over he body. She had only ever been with two men. And neither of them had ever made her feel as objectified as she did in this moment.  
The intruder ogled her up and down. His breathing a little faster. " Kiss me".   
Hillary glared at him and shook her head. "No".  
Petrified as she was, she was not going down without a fight. He could beat her black and blue but she would never be a willing participant in this monsters sick game.

In one swift move, he wrapped a large hand around Hillary's throat and crushed his mouth over hers. She tried to push herself free of him but was struggling to catch her breath.  
"No-stop!" she protested, lashing out her arms against his chest. His grip on her throat was tightening and she felt herself getting lightheaded. He probed her mouth with his tongue, finding access whilst she gasped for air.  
Hillary could taste a hint of liqour and felt sick. In an act of defiance, she bit down hard on his bottom lip.   
He screamed, pushing her back violently and cupping his mouth. 

Eyes wide, Hillary, bent  at the waist, swallowed air to ease the burning of her lungs.  
"You've made me bleed!" the intruder exclaimed in shock as he examined his hands. He looked up and stormed at her, back handing her with such force her nose began to bleed. The pain hit her a few seconds later and tears streamed down her cheeks.  
"You fucking bitch!" he spat as he pushed her on to the couch. He ripped Hillary's camisole and threw it aside, pawing roughly and pinching at the soft tissue of her breasts.  
Her resolve finally broke when she realised he had unzipped his own trousers and pulled out his already hard member.  
"You know what to do"   
Hillary's whole body began to shake uncontrollably. Hot tears stinging her eyes before spilling over.  
"Pl-please...I can't...d-don't do this to me...." she sobbed.  
"Of course you can" he mocked " Remember, you're Hillary Rodham Clinton. You can do anything. Now be a good girl and open wide".  
He put the head of his penis on her lips and forced her mouth open by squeezing her already tender and painful jaw.  
"Aaaah" he sighed "and make sure you do it right. Or I will hurt you in ways you haven't even dreamed of".

Although the room was still in darkness, she felt tainted and exposed at the things he was making her do.  
"Oooh yes. You're a dirty whore", he pulled at her hair. " Is this how Billy gets it too?"  
Hillary's heart broke at the mention of her husbands name.  How could she explain this to him? How she wished she was wrapped up safe in his arms.  
He was getting more aggresive with his movements and pushed in deeper, laughing as she gagged. " Mmm...yes...just like that...Dont know why he went to that intern when he already had a clever little slut in his bed..."  
Hillary closed her eyes and tried to block out his callous words. She prayed he would just finish.  
She generally enjoyed pleasuring her husband in this way, but she had to muster up every reslove in her to not physically vomit at this moment.

He suddenly removed himself from her mouth.   
"Get on the floor" he pushed her down harshly. She landed on her back with a thud, narrowly missing hitting her head on the legs of the heavy oak.  
He climbed on top of her and pinned her shoulders down, examining her.  
As exhausted as she was,  Hillary fought back with all the strength she could muster. There was no use however. He was physically bigger and stronger than her.  
"They all say how fiesty you are. I knew you enjoyed a bit of rough and tumble" he growled as he brought down his mouth to her neck, leaving a trail of angry looking bite marks to her breasts.  
"I'm begging you" she spoke hoarsely as she gulped down a sob " Please stop this, please don't hurt me".   
He ignored her, one hand kneading at her chest whilst the other made its way down to her underwear.   
He tore away the flimsy material and positioned himself so that her legs were forced apart, his penis placed at her opening. His weight bore down on her so heavily that in spite of her efforts to bring her legs back together, she was almost immobile.   
He brought his face down to her so they their noses were touching.  
Hillary, weeping silently now turned her head to the side and screwed her eyes shut. She wanted disappear, to think of anything that might prove to be a distraction from this nightmare. It had to be a dream. This couldn't be happening to her, of all people.  
"Look at me" he ordered. She ignored him. "Hillary..." he said warningly.   
She didn't care anymore. He could threaten her all he wanted.   
He grabbed her face, positioning it to his own and thrust his hips deep into her.

Hillary's eyes flew open and she let out an ear piercing scream. White hot pain seared through her. Her body was not prepared to receive him and he was larger than her husband.  
He muffled her screams with his hand.  
Making eye contact, she plead with him, only to be met with cold grey eyes piercing through her.  
The intruder began to work to a rhythm, panting and grunting in her face.  
'Oh God, please help me' she prayed closing her eyes. Her head was spinning and she was begining to lose focus. 'Please help me get through this...please let me see Bill and Chelsea again...' her last thoughts before losing consciousness being her family.

He was watching her intently and noticed her eyeballs roll back.  
"Oh no you don't" he slapped at her cheeks.Thing sting brought Hillary back to alert. He grinned through his panting. "Good girl...you need to stay with me".  
Hillary closed her eyes. She didn't know how long he had now been pounding into her. It felt like eternity.

She was jolted out of her thoughts as she felt a stirring.  
'No...' she whispered out loud. This couldnt be happening.  
Her body was betraying her. The prolonged attack on her most tender parts was causing her body to react.  
She willed herself to stop but could not control it.  She began to sob out loud again. Her heart breaking into a million pieces.   
The intruder moaned in surprise as he felt her clamp around his member. " You really are a whore aren't you" he exclaimed as her body climaxed. "You like to be treated like the slut that you are" he laughed cruelly.  
He picked up his pace and began to pound harder and deeper into her womb.  
"Oh fuck...!" he grunted "Fuck...you're so tight..." With that, he came into her and ccollapsed roughly on her body, panting heavily.  
"You were amazing" he mumbled as he attacked her mouth sloppily.

After a few moments, he pulled himself out of her and stood up.  
Grabbing her blazer from the couch, he cleaned himself off and buttoned his trousers up.  
He surveyed the broken woman on the floor. He felt no remorse. She had it coming to her.  
He tossed the blazer on top of her.  
"Get yourself cleaned up."  
He then knelt down by her head and put his mouth to her ear.  
"I trust this is going to be kept between us.  So much as a whisper of this, and your sweet little Chelsea will be next."  
She was emotionally numb at this point,  but hearing this monster utter her sweet baby's name caused fresh tears to brim Hillary's eyes. She nodded weakly.   
"You were mugged by a dirty immigrant." He continued calmly. "Do not leave or call any of your gimps for an hour."   
He walked to the door and unlocked it.  
"You were incredible Hills." He turned back to her before stepping out into the dark corridor and closing the door behind him. 

Inside, Hillary felt relief wash over her now that she was finally free of her ordeal. She tried to get up but had no strength to move.  
Instead, she rolled onto her side and curled up into a ball. She couldnt face anybody just now.  
Large tears spilled over as she wept sorrowfully.

****

Bill awoke with a start. He had the most unsettling dream, although it now felt like a very hazy and distant memory.  
He reached out his arm to her side of the bed. Empty. He peered at the clock on his nightstand.  
3:05am. 'Must still be in the office' he thought before drifting back to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind comments and kudos'.
> 
> As with the previous chapter, sensitive issues are covered in this chapter also, so if you are uncomfortable with this, please stop reading now.
> 
> All comment are welcome and feedback would be great ☺

Hillary's body was shivering. She didn't know how how long she had been lying on the hard, wooden floor. The cold seemed to finally penetrate through however, and in her disorientated state, she noted that dawn had not yet broken. Her mind felt numb. Completely devoid of any coherent thought.  
She forced herself up in a sitting position. Any pretence of making herself believe she was in the middle of a terrible nightmare was immediately quelled by the pain emanting through her. Her head was spinning, making it difficult for her already swollen and stinging eyes to focus on anything in her office. 

'I have to get out of here' she panicked, terrified that her attacker would return to finish her off. Her heart started beating faster, her breathing reduced to short, sharp gasps. Hillary tried to stand but found her legs too weak to support her. Wincing from the pain each movement created, she crawled around to her desk and grasped blindly for her Blackberry.  
Finally locating the phone, she dialled a number. The response was immediate.  
"James. I'm ready." she spoke hoarsely.  "Come to the office...please hurry". 

****

Two Secret Service agents, a male and a female, marched in unison torwards Hillary's office. When they approached her door however, they exchanged a puzzled expression. The lights were off. Their senses indicated something was not quite as it should be.  
Drawing their guns, they swung the door open slowly, and switched the lights on. Surveying the office, on initial look, nothing seemed out of place and their boss was nowhere to be seen. Did they come to the wrong location?

****

Hillary heard the door open and cowered behind her desk.  
'Oh God he's back!' her mind was screaming. She reached up to grab a weapon of some sort. Instead knocking over a heavy paperweight.  
The SS agents immediately cocked their guns and stormed round to the source of the sound.  
"Put your hands up and sta-....wha-" Hannah stared down in shock.  
Before them lay their boss, back slouched against her desk, knees drawn in close. Her face was a mess- red, swollen, bloody.   
"Mrs Clinton,  its Agents James and Hannah." she knelt down. "What happened? Who did this?"  
"I...please I need to go" Hillary mumbled weakly.  
"Yes ma'am. I'm going to help you up alright?"  
Hillary did not respond. She felt so ashamed to be seen in such a way. James and Hannah had been her agents for a number of years now, she was old enough to be their mother.Yet they were having to coax her as though she were a child herself.  
James bent down to pick Hillary up. He was a strong young man in his 30s so could handle her smaller frame effortlessly.  
It was then that both he and Hannah saw that Hillary was unclothed from the waist down and a realisation of what possibly took place dawned on them.  
He could feel Hillary trembling. Her eyes were closed but he could see tears glistening on her cheeks.  
"Quick, grab that throw and put it over her and grab all of her belongings."  
Hannah did so quickly and radio'd ahead to the driver.  
"I'll notify a team to come in asap for an evidence sweep".  
James nodded as they made their way out.  
Their exit was quick and discreet in the quiet of the dark.

"Mount Sinai Hospital" James instructed the agent at the wheel.  
"No!" Hillary shouted with as much force as she could manage. Her throat felt raw.  "Home. Just take me home..."  
"Mrs Clinton you need to be checked over, we need to ensure tha-"  
"James" she cut in wearily, " Home.... That's an order..." her voice trailing weakly.  
The agent nodded in resignation and indicated for the driver to proceed as instructed.

The vehicle pulled into the Clintons driveway. Hillary sat still cradled in James' arms.  They had made an attempt at finding out what took place but were unable to get a formulated sentence out of Hillary, who would go between staring wide eyed into the distance, to weeping quietly.  
In spite of this however, both agents had a pretty clear idea of what transpired if not how.  
"Mrs Clinton, you're home." Hannah spoke softly.  
"Bill...he can't know."   
Hannah's eyes widenened. "Mrs Clinton, you're in shock" she spoke gently yet firmly. "The President has to know."  
Hillary shook her head. "Official instruction...Nobody must know."  
The agents were perplexed. They could not defy an instruction, it was a sackable offence. Hannah nodded.  
Both she and James knew via their earpieces that Hillary's office was being swept by the SS forensics team as they sat. The team would be discreet yet her office suddenly being a 'no access' zone woule raise questions.

The agents took Hillary up to her guestroom as requested.   
James lay her on the bed and turned to Hannah. "I'll be outside" he whispered.  
She nodded. They had agreed that whilst James would stand watch outside, Hannah would take her place inside the bedroom.  
It was now almost half past four in the morning.   
"Mrs Clinton, I understand this is...difficult...but I need to ask you to give me permission to swab you..." Hillary's bloodshot eyes met hers in the dim light of the bedside lamps "...for evidence..."  
Hillary looked away. She couldn't bear the pity in the young agents soft, brown eyes.   
Her stomach was doing somersaults, the metallic smell of blood in her nostrils was making her sick and she felt the bile rising and settling in her throat.  
"I can't" her chin trembled " I just....I just want to get him off me" she rubbed at her arms furiously.  
"Ma'am, I'll run you a hot shower, I promise. We just need to take some..." Hannah hesitated, "He will have left DNA - fluids, hair, skin..." she trailed off. She could see her boss was trying to keep her composure in spite of the tears silently rolling down her face, her head held up high.   
Hannah sat down on the bed beside her, making sure to not to invade Hillary's personal space.   
"You don't have to talk about it right now. It's ok. If you want to just cry, thats ok too." she reached out and took a limp hand between hers.   
She didn't want to speak out of turn. " Don't let him get away with this. Don't let him win".   
Hillary closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had given the same advice to women and girls who had written or spoken to her over the years. ' Speak out' she would say. ' You are not at fault. The shame is not yours'.  
Did her words always sound this hollow?  
She nodded in spite of herself. "This has to be kept quiet. Everything to be done internally" she spoke quietly.  
The young agent helped Hillary up from her bed and proceeded to collect evidence from head to toe. Combing through her hair, scraping under her fingernails, swabbing for fluids at the angry, red bite marks on her chest. Photographing every bruise and laceration on her body.  
Hillary gasped out in pain as Hannah scraped her vaginal walls for DNA.  
"I'm sorry, I'll be quick" Hannah noted that there was tearing and Hillary was still bleeding. She would need to be attended to by her doctor. 

It took almost an hour to complete the process. Hannah meticulously labelled and packaged the evidence, including Hillary's stained blazer.  
And as promised,  ran her boss the shower that she so craved.   
She helped an exhausted  Hillary out of her robe in the steaming bathroom.  
"Mrs Clinton...I think the President should be made aware of this, of what's happened. You've suffered through a terrible assault. It's not my place, I know, but I know he would want to support you just now...' Hannah implored.  
It was difficult to read Hillary's face. She showed no expression and her eyes remained downcast.   
She shook her head. Her voice hoarse and cracking. "I know he would...but I'm the strong one. I couldn't bear to see him hurting over this".  
Hannah nodded. "I'll be on the other side when you need me" she said closing the door.   
Finally alone, Hillary let the nearly scalding water wash over her as she crumpled to the floor in gut wrenching sobs.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for your kind words and kudos'.  
> As ever, all feedback is welcome and encouraged. x

Bill was jolted awake.   
'Ring-ring! Ring- ring!' his phone cut noisily through the silence.  
"Hello..." he mumbled sleepily, one eye squinting to look at the time. 08:10.  
"Bill, we're on our way. We'll be there in 20". It was his aide , Jack.  
Bill opened his eyes. "Here in 20? What are you talking about?"  
Jack sighed. "Bill, its the 17th. You've got the conference and the fundraiser for the Foundation in DC....we worked on the speech yesterday. ...?".  
Bill shot up. 'Shit! He'd overslept'  "Ok", he rubbed his face, "I'll be ready" he said hanging up.  
Bill slowly rolled over to face his wife's side of the bed. "Honey I gotta-"  
Empty. He cursed silently. He hated it when she worked all hours into the night. He so admired her dedication and drive for perfection. He loved her mind, her intellect but he also knew that her need to throw herself into her work with such intensity would only be to her detriment. Her health would inevitably suffer.She was not a machine, damn it!  
He got up to get ready, making a mental note to speak to her later on.

****

She slept fitfully. Her pyjamas twisting around her body, damp with sweat. 'He's here, he's here again!', her mind cried out in the distance. His hands clawing at her creamy flesh, breath hot and rancid from alcohol, his teeth biting down painfully.  
"No!" Hillary sat up in her bed. Her eyes were wide open but staring wildly ahead of her.  
Agent Hannah hurried round to her from her post at the large windows. Slivers of daylight were now peeking through the curtains.  
"Shh...Mrs Clinton, you're ok, you're safe" she placed a hand gently on Hillary's shoulder. Hillary jerked away from her touch as though she had been branded with a hot iron. Hannah pulled her hand away guiltily.  
"I'm sorry..." her voice trailed.  
Hillary's eyes focused on Hannah as her head cleared from her nightmare. "No...I...It's fine....I thought...." she shook her head as if trying to clear her memories. "What time is it? Where's Bill? " she asked suddenly.  
"It's almost 11am. James informed me the President left for a conference early this morning".  
Hillary nodded softly and gently sank back into her pillows. "Ok...good", whispering more to herself than anything.  
Hannah handed her a bottle of water and some painkillers. Hillary accepted them gratefully and savoured the cool liquid easing her burning throat .   
Hannah looked at her expectedly. "How are you feeling?"  
If Hillary had the energy to, she'd have broken out into her trademark raucous laughter. ' How did she feel?' Physically, it was easy enough to list down - her head felt as though a pick axe was chiselling away at her temples, her eyes were swollen and uncomfortable. Her face felt stiff and tender. She had develop a deep, dull pain in her lower abdomen and the rest of her felt as though she had been ran over and then reversed back into for good measure. On an emotional level....she couldn't say.  
She closed her eyes. "I'm fine... Could you please contact Huma and instruct her to clear my calendar for the next few days. Cancel all my appointments. "  
"Yes ma'am i'll arrange that for you just now"  
"You need to get some rest. James too." Hannah felt conflicted. It had been a draining night, but she could not leave her boss in her current condition. Hillary read her expression. "I'll be alright on my own inside" she said nodding.  
Hannah reluctantly made her way to leave.  
"Hannah?...thank you".

****

"Oh my God! Hillary?!" The colour from Bills face drained completely. He had decided to come home tonight instead of staying in DC.  
Hillary was not expecting him so was startled to wake up to his face looking down at her.  
"Bill! You scared me" she mumbled, averting his horrified expression.  
"*I* scared *you*? " he asked incredulously. "Baby what happened?" he sat down on the side of the bed, reaching out to brush a lock of hair away from her eyes. She flinched as he made contact. This did not go unnoticed by him and his worried face took on a hard edge. " Hillary, did somebody hurt you?"  
Hillary's stomach did a somersault. Her eyes grew wide. 'Could he see it? Could he see that she was tainted?'  
She studied his face and saw the fear in his eyes. Her heart melted and she reached up to caress his cheek.  
"No honey, of course not", she answered, pasting a smile on her face. Her muscles protested in pain. "I...I was working late and guess I was tired and I tripped and fell."  
"You fell..." he replied flatly.  
"Yeah" she laughed lightly "...you know on that monstrosity of a desk in the office".  
Bill eyed her suspiciously. " Well we outta get you checked out, I'm phoning the Dr". He turned to get up.   
The nausea at the pit of her stomach rreturned ."No-Bill stop" Hillary grabbed his arm "I've been checked out...ok? I'm fine. A couple days in bed and I'll be as good as new".   
Bill seemed hesitant but eventually satisfied with this. "Ok....so you're ok...?" his face broke into a warmer smile.   
She nodded, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat.  
"Come here" he pulled her into a tight embrace and inhaled her scent. "You had me scared there. I couldn't bear for anything to ever happen to you. I love you so much".  
Hillary closed her eyes hoping to keep her tears at bay. "I know, I'm sorry. I should have told you".  
"How about I show give you a little TLC tonight and kiss it all better...". She felt him nuzzling at her neck. "I've missed you..."  
Hillary's heart started beating faster. She tightened her robe around her neck. "Hey...Bill? Sweetie?..." his hands began a gentle trail down to her breasts.   
Panicking, she pushed him away. A little too forcefully. Bill looked at her in surprise.   
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry Bill', her words tumbled over themselves. "I-I'm on my period. I guess I'm just feeling a litte bloated...you know how I get"...she smiled again.  
He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something seemed off to Bill.   
"You know I haven't eaten all day" she changed the subject, "I could really go for just about anything right now".  
This did the trick as Bill felt his own stomach rumble. The food at these fundraisers was decent, but rarely a substitute for a home cooked meal.  
"I'll fix us up something nice and bring it on up. You rest up babygirl". He gave her a peck on the check and made his way down.

Hillary waited to hear his footsteps receeding down the stairs before getting out of bed and making her way to her bathroom.  
She locked the door behind her before falling to her knees in front of the toilet bowl. Her stomach attempted to expell its contents, however as Hillary had truly not eaten since supper the previous evening, she found herself dry heaving, her stomach cramping painfully.  
She stood up on shaky legs, holding on to the sink for support.  
Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, Hillary gasped and did a double take. She now understood her husband's horrified reaction.  
Her eyes were bloodshot and angry red bruises covered the lower half of her face. There was swelling on her left cheek, and her lip was burst.  
Taking a deep breath, Hillary braced herself as she removed her robe. She let out a pained cry and covered her mouth. It was as though an animal had mauled her.  
Her shoulders, arms, torso and inner thighs were covered in similar deep red bruises. Faint hand prints could be seen around her throat and several teeth marks were visible around her breasts.  
How would she ever conceal this from Bill, she thought in despair.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all comments and kudos'. The encouragement is greatly appreciated.
> 
> As I'm writing this piece, I'm realising it is more Hillary centric angst and drama than a straighforward Billary. (Billary does of course feature). The poor girl is likely going to go through the ringer with me but I hope you all enjoy nonetheless. 
> 
> All comments and feedback is encouraged. ☺

Huma, could you arrange for some more files to be couriered to me? I'll email you a list. Ok, thanks. Bye". Hillary placed the phone back in the cradle.   
It had been 3 weeks since the attack. The first week had been spent in bed. She had no desire to make contact with the outside world. Even if she did, the exhaustion she felt was all consuming. It was as though 'He' had sucked out every ounce of energy within her and left an empty shell.  
Bill had been sweet, making sure she took her painkillers, ate a meal despite her lack of hunger and in general, allowed her to recuperate from her 'fall'.   
She couldn't face him however and threw herself into what she knew best - work. She had arranged for everything to be delivered to her home office in order avoid being seen with such visable facial injuries. In saying that, Hillary was pleased to notice that her bruises had now faded to a pale greenish colour with a yellow hue.  She smiled fondly at Bills insistence of holding an ice pack to her face as she tried to sleep. She was irritable with him then but he asserted it would aid her healing. He was right. This was the side of Bill that the public would never know. They mocked and vilified her when she chose to stay after the Lewinsky scandal. But only she understood that at the root of his self destructive tendancies was an insecure,  frightened boy. He fell apart when his mother, his life long champion, died. So how could she now confess what really happened? Could she bear the burden of hurting him? He was reckless when upset and Hillary did not have it in her to be the one to cause him pain.  
She herself  tried to block out her attack. To pretend it never happened. The memories would seep into her subconscious however, and seemingly innocuous triggers would create unwanted flashbacks.  
Her agent, Hannah, had tried to speak with her the days following, Hillary insisted she was fine and everything was "business as usual" so there was no need to further discuss it. The only caveat being that she was to be informed as soon as any development was made. 

Hillary groaned as she stood up and made her way wearily to the bathroom. Her lower back and pelvis had been persistently aching since her attack. Being thrown about would do that, she reasoned sardonically.   
Hillary hissed through her teeth at the burning pain as her bladder released its contents. She had hoped the copious amounts of cranberry juice she had been drinking would flush it out of her system,  but the pain seemed to be getting sharper as the days went on.  
She resigned herself to a Drs appointment and sent Huma the request to arrange when she got back to her desk.

"Knock-knock", a familiar voice broke through her thoughts. "Time for dinner Hill, I made pasta".   
"Oh thanks honey" she said giving him a split second glance before going back to her work "I'll just have it up here".  
"No".  
That got Hillary's attention and she looked up puzzled. "What?"  
"I said 'no'" he said sauntering round to her. "You have had your head buried in this paperwork since eight o'clock this morning. It is now almost nine o'clock at night. And I will be damned " he groaned as he rolled her seat out from under her desk "if you are going to spend my last evening here this week having dinner with a bunch of files instead of me". He pulled her up gently by the shoulders. Hillary tensed ever so slightly. She turned around to give him a blank look. "Your last...?" she enquired.  
Bill sighed. "Hillary, It's the PenPal Project in Pakistan....I leave for my flight at midnight. I'll be gone five days so I'll be back on...Tuesday. "   
Hillary blinked as it all came rushing back to her. She herself had actually proposed this sponsorship programme whereby selected N.Y schools would create partnerships with schools in Lahore and assign each student a penpal. The idea being to expose children to different cultures and customs early on and compare the differences and similarities their lives held. Hillary was of the belief that people ultimately had more things in common with their neighbours than they thought. And that all it took was to open up the avenues of communication.  
"Oh of course, I'm sorry Bill, I just..." she threw her hands in the air sadly "I forgot".  
"It's ok", Bill lead her downstairs by the hand.

****

Bill watched his wife as she downed her third glass of water.  
"...You thirsty honey?" he joked lightly.  
"I think I have cystitis" Hillary replied glumly.   
Bill scrunched his face in sympathy "Oh...you taken anything for it?"  
Hillary nodded, playing with her plate of pasta " Huma's arranged an appointment for me tomorrow afternoon".  
"Ok good". Bill surveyed his wife. He knew she was recovering from a rather nasty fall, but something else was niggling at him. He reached forward and clasped her hand "Hillary,  is everything alright?"  
"Yeah of course, why do you ask?" she pulled her hand away gently.  
"Why do I ask??" he laughed dryly."This" he said gesturing towards the hand she pulled away , "is why I ask Hillary. You barely even look at me, you don't talk to me unless I say something first". Bill's voice was begining to rise now. Hillary kept her eyes on her plate of pasta, lips tight. "You keep yourself holed up in your office and you don't so much as let me touch you anymore".  
Hillary looked up to protest however Bill interjected before she could do so. "Don't think I havent noticed Hillary. At least be honest with me!". She looked away ashamed. He was angry now. " Have I done something? Tell me so I know damn it!"  
Hillary shook her head sadly, "No Bill, you haven't done anything. I..." her words caught in her throat. How could she tell him when she couldn't admit to herself what happened.  
"What Hillary? You what?" Bill stared at her intently. "Is it another man?"   
Hillary's face flushed.   
"Oh my God, you're having an affair..."   
Bill's accusation stabbed through Hillary. She blinked away tears and stood up, looking up at him icily. "Fuck you, Bill." She stormed out of the kitchen and into her office, slamming the door shut behind her.  
"Yeah, well fuck you too Hillary!" Bill yelled after her. He slammed his fist down on the table."God damn it!"

Bill left for his trip at midnight. Both he and Hillary too hurt and and angry to bid each other goodbye.

****

"Well Hillary, your symptoms do indicate a urinary tract infection. I'll send your sample and bloods to get tested anyway but in the meantime, I'll write you a 7 day prescription for antibiotics. If it doesn't ease up after a week, make sure to come back."   
Hillary smiled politely at her Dr. She had a kindly face. "Thank you Dr Page, I'll do that" she replied as she left the Dr's office.

****

Bill nursed his drink at the table, his eyes heavy with intoxication. His meetings had been successful and the plan for their project had been put in motion. The foundation had arranged a gala in Lahore for their sponsors and donors and everybody seemed to be having a great night. Everybody but Bill. He hadn't spoken to Hillary for two days now. He didn't understand what was happening. Why was she shutting him out like this? He didn't understand her anger at him when she was the one in the wrong. 'Why the hell should I be the one to apolgise?' he reasoned in his mind. 'She can apologise to me for a change'.  

The still heat in room was stifling and the beat of the music unbearably loud. Bill had to get out.  
He steadily made his way outside and looked down at the view of the city from the hotel gardens.   
"It's such a beautiful view isn't it".  
Bill hadn't noticed her standing there in the dark. He turned to look at the source of the voice and smiled.  
"Not nearly as beautiful as the view I have right now". His eyes twinkled. And beautiful she was. Deep brown eyes framed with long black lashes, her full red lips complimented her olive complexion and long dark hair tumbled down past her shoulders.  
She laughed. "Quite the charmer, Mr President. But that's kind of you to say".  
"I'm only speaking the truth darlin'". His souther drawl more prominent. "You here for the gala as well?"  
"No", she shook her head. "My college held a conference here today. We leave tomorrow."  
"Oh, and and what are you studying?" his eyes bore into hers. He could feel his heart pick up pace.  
"Aviation" she smiled back.  
Bill raised his eyebrows in approval. "Oh a pilot. Well forgive me for being blunt" he leaned down to whisper in her ear, "but you'd be the sexiest damn pilot I've ever seen."   
She giggled in response, surprised and a little excited that the former U.S president was flirting with her. She rubbed her hand on his arm.  
"Well maybe when I qualify, I'll invite you to join the 'Mile High' club with me". She winked cheekily.  
Bill felt his excitement grow and licked his lips. Her lifted her chin with his hand and brought his mouth down to hover hers. He could feel her hot breath.  
"Maybe I'll accept" he whispered, before crushing his lips down onto hers.

****

"I...I'm sorry, could you say that again? I thought you said- " "Pregnant!" Dr Page cut in cheerfully. "I didn't want to give you the news over the phone. The results from your samples just came back this morning." she smiled.  
The blood drained from Hillary's face. She blinked at the Dr, trying to process the information. "Are you...are you sure? I thought it was just an infection?" her voice squeaked hoarsely.  
Dr Page nodded. "You do have an infection - you should be on day 2 of your antibiotics?...good. But we test for most common ailments just in case. And so hCG hormones were discovered in your samples and the levels confirm your pregnancy. I double checked."  
She looked at Hillary who sat ashen faced. "How far...?"  
"I would say you're just over the 3 week mark, so due in....June. It's early days yet but would explain your infection and fatigue as well."  
Hillary felt as though she had been punched in the gut. Her head was swirling and the room seemed to be closing in on her. She tried to speak but her mouth felt as though it had been stuffed full of cotton wool. She felt herself sinking, the blackness enveloping her as she lost consciousness.

****

Bill's head was throbbing. He groaned as he turned over in his bed.   
Reaching out he smiled slightly as his fingers gently caressed the soft hair on the next pillow.  
"Hillary? Baby?" he mumbled "I'm never drinking again..."  
"Bill?"   
His ears pricked up. The voice that responded was not Hillary. It was younger. Accented. He opened his eyes slightly and his heart stopped. There she lay in all her glory, the young woman from last night. Bits and pieces of recollection flashed through Bills mind. Their kissing. Coming up to his hotel suite. Her body writhing on top of his. Their sweat glistening. His frantic panting.   
He rubbed his eyes, willing the images away. He felt sick. Bill jumped out of bed and locked himself in the bathroom.   
"What have I done? Oh God, what have I done??"

****

Hillary sat on her bed, knees pulled up to her chest. Her room was in darkness save for the moonlight casting its light through the windows.  
She had come home earlier that day from Dr Page's office and come straight to bed.   
Dr Page had been patient and gentle with her, attributing Hillary's shock to her age. "I've told many a woman, until you've gone through menopause, it does not matter how old you are. You still can get pregnant. Now my advice to you is to rest up. Try not to worry". She smiled.

Hillary thought back to the aftermath of the night of the attack. She was sure Hannah had left her an emergency contraceptive pill. Did she take it? She was sure she did. Her mind thought back to that memory as if it were a dream.  
The it dawned on her. She had vomited, or more so, wretched several times throughout the night and following day.

She closed her eyes and lay her head back on the pillow. She felt shellshocked at the cruel twist of irony. How she had longed for another baby after Chelsea. They had tried and tried for years until the disappointment got too much for Hillary to bear. She accepted that it was not meant to be and devoted herself to being the best mother possible to Chelsea. Chelsea who was created by the joining of her love with Bill.   
She suddenly felt a surge of anger course through her . Anger at 'Him' for his brutal violation of her body. At herself for not doing more to prevent it. At this 'thing' now growing inside of her. At Bill for accusing her of betraying their marriage. At God for allowing this to happen.  
She picked up the glass of water on her bedside table and threw it against the wall summoning every bit of energy within her. Screaming with rage.  
The glass shattered into tiny pieces and scattered around the floor.  
"I'm fine!" she yelled before an SS agent stormed her room. 

****

Bill buckled up his seatbelt, waiting for the plane to take off. His heart heavy with regret, his mind conflicted. He couldnt bear to lose her, which is what might happen if he confessed. But if she somehow finds out from somebody else, losing her would be a sure thing. He'd rather die than be without her.  
His phone vibrated.

Hillary: 'Please come home. We need to talk'.

His heart skipped a beat. She knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was seriously conflicted on how this chapter would go but I feel it fits the narrative of the fic I'm going for (so please don't kill me!). x


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank all again for your positive encouragement and kudos'. I can't tell you how much they are appreciated.
> 
> I'd like to apologise for the long gap in updating and for the shorter than usual chapter. I aim to update sooner next time.  
> As ever, all comments and feedback is encouraged.   
> Enjoy x

"Hillary?" The house was quiet. Bill trudged his way up the staircase. It was early afternoon but he was exhausted after the 14 hour flight from Lahore. He hadn't managed a wink, his mind ruminating over his stupid, senseless mistake. In fact he had considered staying at a hotel in order to avoid the inevitable confrontation with wife, however he knew he had to deal with the repercussions of what he did sooner or later.   
He stood in front of their bedroom door and took a deep breath before entering.  
The room was in darkness and the curtains drawn. His eyes took a few moments to adjust before he saw her outline curled up on their bed. He could hear his heart thudding in his ears.  
"Hillary are you awake?" he approached the bed cautiously and switched the bedside lamp on. He breathed a sigh of relief to see her eyes were closed and her chest rising and falling gently. She was asleep.  
He studied her closely. Up on first glance, she looked almost serene. Her long golden blonde locks cascaded over the pillow, her porcelain skin still smooth and taut against her face, never betraying her true age. Her lips were delicate yet full and sensuous. Bill softly caressed the the blemish of a fading bruise and bent down to place a gentle kiss on her lips. Switching the lamp off, he climbed into bed next to her and wrapped his arm gently around her waist. He wanted one last chance to hold her, feel her warmth. He breathed in her scent as though it were oxygen. "Im so sorry baby, Im so sorry. Please don't leave me" he whispered.

****

She couldnt breathe. His weight was suffocating her. His arms, strong against her body...on her stomach, they wouldn't let her free. She fought, thrashing under him. She lashed out, clawing at his face. Satisfaction as she felt his skin tear under her fingernails. She heard him yelling. His voice came from the far corners of her mind. She didn't understand. He was right infront of her.  Why couldn't she hear him properly...

"Hillary....Hillary...stop it! Wake up!" Bill tried to grab a hold of her wildly flailing arms and pinned them to her sides. "Hillary wake up...it's just a bad dream honey..." he coaxed her out of her sleep. Her eyes opened slightly. She looked right through him. "Sweetheart, its me. You just had a bad dream..."  
Hillary stopped struggling against Bill and and looked at him wide eyed. Chest heaving and panting. "Let...let go of me Bill. Please." Bills heart sank. She was already closing him out.  He watched helplessly as she lept out of bed as soon as he released her and ran to the bathroom, locking herself in.  
Leaning over the toilet bowl, sure she was going to vomit as wave after wave of nausea swept through her. Nothing came however. Body trembling,  she sank to her knees and lay herself on the cool tiles.   
Hillary wasn't sure what caused such a strong reaction - her newly aquired condition, or the fact that she would have to face her husband and tell him...tell him what exactly? She had considered passing it off as Bill's, but even he would have been able to deduce from the timelines that things did not add up. Besides, she could never deceive him like that. She wasn't even sure she could keep it. It. This parasite. It did not belong inside of her. 

****

He rested his forhead against the bathroom door. The sound of faint sniffles carrying through tiny gaps.  
"Hillary...sweetheart...we have to talk" he spoke softly. "I'm sorry baby, I didnt mean to hurt you..."  
"How could you Bill?...How could you...." her voice broke again as her chest shuddered with sobs.  
Bill could feel his eyes welling up now. He hated himself. Why did he keep doing this? "I'm sorry baby, please come out and we can talk....ok?"  
After a few moments of silence, the lock clicked open and Hillary stepped out. She looked at him, her face red and swollen from crying. " H-how could you accuse me off having an affair Bill? Of ch-cheating?" she hiccuped.  
Bill looked away ashamed. He couldn't bear the pain in her eyes knowing he caused it.  
"Sweetheart, I was an asshole. I AM an asshole. I know you would never do that. God knows noone would blame you-"    
"I'm not like that Bill..." she walked past him and sat on the edge of her side of the bed. Her back facing him.  
"I know you're not....you're too good for me..."

They remained in silence for a few moments. The air hung thick with tension.  
Bill's stood helplessly by his side of the bed, his insides were churning. He wanted to lean over and touch her, but dare'nt. Her distance was unnerving.He would rather she screamed and yelled at him, that, he could deal with.

"Bill..." Finally she spoke. "I have to tell you something". Her voice was barely audible.  
He closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable. 'Divorce. She going to ask for a divorce'.   
"I...something has happened" her voice was trembling.   
Bill looked up suddenly. "Chelsea? Is she alright?"  
Hillary nodded. "Chelsea's fine..." His body relaxed slightly.  
She was glad they were in relative darkness and that she was facing away from him. It almost made it easier to say what she had to. Almost.  
He observed her closely. Her whole body was tensed so tightly he was sure it would become painful if she didn't relax her muscles.  
Hillary tried to take a few calming breaths but they came out in deep shudders.  
"Bill, I was raped".


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever, thank you all so much for sticking with me on this. I know its a little long winded and super angsty but that's my thing. Haha.   
> All comments and feedback is encouraged.   
> Enjoy xxx

"Bill, I've been raped". Her voice came out small, fearful almost.  
Bill felt as thought the wind had been knocked out of him. He wasn't sure he'd even heard correctly. He put his side of the lamp on.  
"Hillary...? Honey...what did you say?" he asked, hoping he had completely misheard her words.  
He watched as the shoulders of his wife's silhouette slumped defeatedly and her head hung low.  
"I'm sorry Bill...I couldnt stop it..." Hillary closed her eyes as large teardrops trailed down her face."I tried...I tried so hard to fight him..."  
A strangulated cry escsped him. "Oh my God...what-when did this- who did it?" His words overlapped, one disjointed question led to another as he made his way to her.  
Hillary felt him approaching her. She held out her arm, still facing away from him. "No, stop Bill. Please. Don't come any closer."  
Bill stopped dead in his tracks, bewildered. "Hillary...I don't understand. I don't understand what you're telling me.This...none of this makes sense..." he sounded as helpless as he felt.  
Hillary nodded in understanding. "I don't know...how to face you anymore..." she cried softly.  
Bill balked a little. "Hillary no...don't say that. Please sweetheart, I love you and I'll never stop loving you, no matter what." He took a few steps closer to her. She did not protest this time. "Tell me...tell me what happened?" he sat down, leaving a small gap between their bodies.  
Hillary closed her eyes. She had almost forgotten how comforting his presence was to her. "About a month ago...I told you I fell."  
Bills eyes widened. 'A month Hillary? Why wouldn't you tell me??' he wondered,  but thought it best to not come off confrontational.  "Yeah honey , I remember..."  
"I was working late and I fell asleep at my desk..." she wiped a tear away. "I woke up and he was there. I don't know how long he'd been there. It was dark and I couldn't see properly ..." her voice was quivering now. "I tried to run but he had locked me in..."  
Bill tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He could feel his blood pumping as his anger rose. He put a hand on her back and rubbed tenderly.  
"...I screamed out but nobody heard me" Hillary shook her head slowly. "Then he- he raped me..." she broke down into heavy sobs .  
Bill reached around his wife and engulfed her into a tight embrace. "Oh God, sweetheart I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he whispered softly.  
"I was so scared... I tried to fight him, he was just too strong. I'm sorry..." she cried into his chest.  
Bill pulled her away momentarily so that he could look her in the face. "No, baby don't you ever apolgise to me about that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldnt protect you. I'm sorry I couldnt keep you safe from that monster..." his chin trembled as his own tears threatened to spill out. He pulled her back into her arms and rocked her gently.  
Hillary let her tears flow completely and without abandon. She hadn't felt this safe since before her attack. The damn had burst and every single emotion and fear she had felt was now rushing out of her. A part of her had believed that if she never admitted the rape to Bill, she would never have to confront the truth herself. The shame was eating her up inside.  
"I feel so dirty Bill...I can't clean him off me. I can still feel him and- and smell him on me..."  
"Your'e safe with me sweetheart" he murmured, head buried into her hair.  
"I tried to stop him...he wouldn't listen. He didn't care he was hurting me" she sniffed.   
Bills fist clenched and unclenched. The bastard would beg for death when he got his hands on him.  
"You're safe now my love, I've got you. I promise you, he can't hurt you anymore..."  
They sat in silence save for the sounds of Hillary's sobs. Both comforted by the feel of the other.   
"Baby why did you keep it all to yourself?"  
"I don't know..." her voice was thick and hoarse now. "I didn't want to upset you. I just wanted to forget about it...I was scared you'd think it was my fault..."  
"Nothing was your fault sweetheart. Nothing.  Please don't ever forget that".

Hillary separated herself from his arms. She tried to calm herself and steady her breathing. "I went to the Dr last week."  
Bill's heart sank, the bastard had left her with some sort of ailment. "Your infection?"  
"Yeah...she ran some tests. I'm pregnant..."her voice cracked.  
He looked dumbfounded for a moment before letting out a gasp. She watched as his face suddenly lit up into a smile. Guilt settled like a heavy knot in her stomach.   
He cupped her face in his hands. "A baby? Are you-are you sure? We're gonna be parents again?" he beamed.  
Hillary grimaced. "No you don't understand..." she pulled away.  
Bill didn't understand as evident by his now confused expression.  
She bit her bottom lip, not wanting to break into a fresh batch of tears. "It's not ours. Its his".

***

It was late into the night now. Bill lay awake in their bed with Hillary. His arm protectively over her as she slept curled into him, her head resting on his chest. She had cried for hours. They both had.   
Hillary's tears were almost cathartic. She had let her pent up feelings of hurt, betrayal and anger, as well as fear, shame and helplessness finally be acknowledged. Allowing herself to mourn for all the things she lost due to one man's barbaric act on her. She no longer wanted to venture outside or face the world. Even going so far as to avoid speaking with Chelsea for too long. Thankfully she was at school so was kept busy herself. She didn't know who to trust. Any man on the street could be him, she didn't even know what he looked like. Her once healthy appetite was gone and she could not keep her attention on television or books.   
He had snatched her life away from her, then continued his violation of her body by leaving his seed in her womb. Her diffiulties in getting pregnant in her marriage had left her conflicted.  
"I've prayed for a miscarriage Bill", she confessed ashamedly.  
Bill did not respond, only holding her tighter.  
She had eventually exhasted herself into sleep.

Bill however, could not sleep. Hillary's revelation had cut through his being. Why hadn't he seen the signs? He absentmindedly ran his hand along her waist. Her hip bones felt more prominent. He studied his wife closer this time. She looked so frail and vulnerable. Childlike almost. Her face was gaunt , her skin pale. She had dark circles under her eyes and she had evidently lost weight. Her faint bruises were like a punch to the gut. That monster had left his marks on his wife and he had seen them every day. She had tried to hide the truth from him to protect him.  
How could he have missed this? All this time she had been crying out and he had ignored her. He had ignored her and once again ran to another woman to boost his own ego. He thoroughly disgusted himself.  
He closed his eyes wearily. He was emotionally fatigued and jet lagged now. But every time he made an attempt at sleeping, visions of his wife being overpowered by a faceless man would haunt him.   
His heart skipped a beat as he reflected on the outcome of that violence. Pregnant.  She was pregnant. He didn't truly know how he felt about that. He loved children, had always wanted more. But the thought of seeng his wife's stomach grow with her rapists baby made him ill. Utimately this was Hillary's decision and he would stand by her.  
He could feel his anger bubbling in his stomach. He would get that bastard. He would make sure he paid for what he did. How could another man hurt a woman like that? Bill couldn't comprehend the reasoning behind it. Certainly both he and Hillary had their political opponents, but would one of them hate her enough to physically cause her harm?   
He had already texted in to the Secret Service HQ in New York to inform them of his visit first thing. Hillary had mentioned a taskforce, but he was concerned that no headway had been made after a month.   
"I'll never let anybody hurt you again, sweetheart." He placed a gentle kiss on her head.

***

He flushed the toilet and rinsed his mouth out to rid it of the taste of bile.   
"Mr President, I have some water". Bill opened the door and accepted the bottle as he sat back down at the table before his legs buckled underneath him.  
"I understand this is difficult, Sir. We have a taskforce set up to work 24/7 on Senator Clinton's case." Agent Harris reassured. " Now it takes time, especially under these 'extraordinary' circumstances, but Im positive we will be successful in his apprehension".  
Bill stared, horrified at the details within the dossier laid out in front of him. The report documented every minutia of Hillary's rape. Her own account as well as the intrusive photographic evidence.   
"Could I have a few moments alone please".  
"Yes sir, I will be outside".  
Bill buried his head in his hands and clenched tightly, pulling at his own hair in desperate frustration. He had prepared himself to read the report and view the evidence. He thought he was ready. However reality had proved to be quite the opposite.  
She had told him she had been raped. But they were just words. Devastating words certainly, but lacking the impact of the actual offence.  
Key words embedded themselves in his brain - 'forced oral copulation', 'bodily fluids', 'lacerations to vestibule and labia minora', 'vaginal bleeding', 'suction and dental abrasions'.   
The photographs portrayed an even more harrowing depiction.  
His skin crawled at the sight of his wifes injuries. Her beautiful blue eyes stared back. Except now they were bloodshot and vacant. He ran a soft finger over the large angry bruises covering her body and breasts. And his bite marks...  
He physically recoiled at the memory of accusing her of cheating on him. Her hurt all the more palpable now knowing the truth as he did.  
An anguished cry emanated from him when he saw her blood smeared inner thighs.The animal had set out to humiliate her, to claim her as his. This was personal.

He had returned home immediately, not wishing to leave her for longer than necessary. They spent the day in bed, just holding one another. Savouring the comfort of being in each others arms and blocking out everyone from the outside.

****

The phone cut through the silence for the 4th time that night. She was so tired but forced herself to sit up. Hillary frowned as she realised that not only was her bedroom phone ringing, but messages were pinging into her mobile phone at an alarming rate. 10 missed calls from Huma. She looked over at Bill who was sleeping soundly.  
Rubbing sleep out of her eyes, she silently got up and went into her office so as not to disturb him.

"Huma?" she answered groggily. "It's 1 in the morn-"  
"Oh thank God! Ive been trying to get a hold of you for hours! I even came to the door and nobody answered!" the younger woman cut in, a frantic air to her voice. "Are you alright??"  
"What?" Hillary was more alert now. " What do you mean? I-"  
"Where is he? Where's Bill??"  
"He's asleep. Why? Huma what is it? What's going on?" Then a terrifying thought struck her. "Oh my God, Chelsea?"  
"No, Hillary, Chelsea is fine. Well...I mean she's been trying to call you too..."  
"Huma will you stop being so cryptic!" Hillary was losing her patience now. "What on earth is the urgency? "  
She heard the younger woman hesitate. "You- you mean you've not seen it?"  
"Seen what?!" Hillary yelled exasperated.  
"It's all over the news Hillary." Huma spoke quietly."The tabloids are having a field day...."  
Hillary switched the television on, quickly scanning to the news channels. "What am I meant....." her voice trailed off as she realised the reason for Huma's concern.  
'President Bill Clinton seems to be up to his old tricks again'. The announcer spoke. 'A video has emerged of him cavorting with a mysterious young woman whilst on his trip to Asia'.  Hillary stumbled back on to her chair. Not sure she had the strength to remain upright. She changed the channel, hoping it was little more than nonsense that more credible outlets would not be willing to entertain.  
'...I mean, whats the harm. I hear theirs is an open marriage anyway. He enjoys sex and she seems like a cold fish'. One the panelists exclaimed matter of factly. 'Thats a ridiculous statement' another panelist interjected. ' You've got to stop believing everything you hear. Bill Clinton is in the wrong. Yet again. Somehow though he ends up looking like a sauve ladies man whilst Hillary gets the blame. Its complete double stan-'  
'I'm sorry to interrupt. We've actually obtained exclusive footage of this video...' the main anchor interrupted.

Hillary felt as though the rug had been pulled out from under her.  He was there. In colour. No escaping this. His arms had pulled the young woman's hips close. She watched as he ground his groin into hers. His hands fondled her under her dress. Hillary knew she should look away but she was transfixed.  
"Hillary? Are you there?...hello?" Hillary ended the call and let the phone crash to the floor.  
He planted kissed down her neck and back up to her mouth.  
The video cut away back to the panelists. She couldnt listen to them, judging and dissecting her life.   
She switched the TV off and sat still and emotionless, engulfed once more by the darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, apologies in taking so long to update this. I struggled a bit in writing it as it is just a transitionary chapter. But I made myself complete it by depriving myself of all the updates of your wonderful fics so have loads to look forward to! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and all feedback is encouraged.xx

"Will somebody tell me something damn it!" Bill roared down the phone.  
Huma spoke curtly. "She doesn't want to speak to you Bill. I've tried but...I don't know, she different this time".  
He squeezed his yes shut. "Different?"  
"I can't explain it. She's not the wreck you want her to be. Kind of distant maybe. Anyway, bottom line, she doesn't want to see you... I can't say I blame her".  
Bill let the comment slide. She wasn't exactly wrong. He took a deep breath and tried a different approach.  
"Huma, sweetheart it's been 6 weeks. I can't be apart from her, not for this long. I need her, I need her so bad. I miss her...I'm begging you-"  
"Bill...." Huma sighed. For all of Bill's faults, he was a father figure of sorts to her, and the last thing she wanted was to hear him so desperate. "Please stop that. I don't know where she is, I haven't seen her for a few weeks now.. She only ever contacts me by email or the odd phonecall here and there. I've invited her round for Christmas but I don't think she'll come."  
"Ok" he nodded in defeat to nobody in particular. "If you speak to her, tell her I love her. And...and just tell her I'm worried about her and I need to know she's alright".  
 He hung up the phone and buried his head in his hands.

He had woken up to find her gone. She hadn't even taken her belongings, simply disappeared into the night. Of course the confusion did not last long.   
His team had gone into serious PR overdrive. Not that it helped. In this digital age, there are no secrets. At least with the 'others' it was all just whispers and nudges. Ones he was happy enough to never have to confront, at least not publicly.  
But this...this he could not even plead ignorance to.   
His face had been plastered everywhere, from tabloids to serious news outlets and he was the butt of every late night talk so hosts jokes.  
None of that mattered however. His wife was missing.   
He had tried to get information out of his daughter. Chealsea was understandably too angry to even consider entertaining a 'poor daddy'  mindset this time. She had done so in the past, but she wasn't a little girl anymore.   
"Sorry dad but you fucked up big time" she had chided when he called her to enquire about her mothers whereabouts. "She really needs some space from you. You've humiliated mom once again....Jesus dad, she looked to be the same age as me! Why would you do this? Why would you hurt our family after everything?"  
"I don't have an excuse honey, I'm sorry...you and your mom... you're my life. I'd never hurt you intentionally, you know that."  
"Well, you have. Look I have to go. I'll let you know what I'm doing for the Christmas break".  
"Ok. I love y-" he heard the phone click on the other end.

He received a text later in the evening advising him of Chelsea's plans to go skiiing with friends over the winter break.

***

Christmas came and went like any other day. There was no shortage of invitations, but Bill opted to remain at home. The house was silent and empty, and he had made no attempt to decorate. There was no point.  
He had tried calling and texting Hillary on numerous occassions. His messages would go unanswered and phonecalls cut off.

The explosions and whooshing of the fireworks going off at midnight, signalled the arrival of the new year.  
Bill lay in their bed with his head resting on her pillow. This time last year, they had snuck away from the festivities and made love in a secluded spot with colours swirling in the dark sky above them.  
Her perfume lingered faintly and a pang hit him in the stomach. He didnt understand why he cheated on Hillary. But he knew one thing with certainty; she was his soulmate, the one true love of his life. She was his lifeline. Without her, he was nothing.

Bill picked up his phone and dialled that all too familiar number. He'd follow the predictable pattern of letting it ring then leaving yet another voicemail.

"Hello...?" the voice on the other end was groggy but unmistakably hers.  
Bill's heart skipped a beat. "Hillary? Baby please don't hang up!" he pleaded.  
He could hear her gentle breathing.   
"Please talk to me" he begged. "Please just tell me you're ok and your safe?" he could feel his voice begining to lose control with emotion.  
"Darlin' I'm so worried about you. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but please believe me when I say that I love you more than anything in the world." Bill swallowed a sob. "I never meant for any of this to happen...just please come home. I'll leave the house  if you want me to, but please , you belong here..."   
Silence.  
"Honey?"  
"I'm fine. Please stop trying to contact me" her tone was cold. Bill only saw this as a positive. At least she was communicating.  
"I love you Hillary..."  
He heard what sounded like a scoff. "Yet I was never enough for you..."  
Her words pained him. "No, my love. You're too good for me...I failed you."  
"Bill, what do you want?" she sounded weary.  
"I just needed to see how you were. I wanted you to know I've requested extra people on the taskforce. I won't stop till we find him." If it was possible for him to feel her clamming up through the telephone, he was sure he just had. "I'm sorry about everything honey... How are things with the baby...?"  
"...'Sorry'...how many years have I listened to that same word. Praying each time it would be the last.Only to be hurt over...and over by you. I can't do it anymore. I don't have it in me to be strong anymore. So please...if you really do love me, please, just let me be..."  
"Hillary, we can get through this. I know we can..."  
"I want a divorce, Bill. I've had papers drawn up. The sooner you sign them the better it'll be.... For all of us."  
Bill felt as though he had been punched in the gut. He had never heard her sound so distant, so aloof. At least not with him. "Baby... please don't do this to us..." his voice felt weak. "I love you..."  
" Love just isn't enough Bill...too much has happened..."

Hillary hung up the phone and lay her head back down on her pillow. She had answered the phone in a sleepy haze, not thinking to check who was on the other end. It had now been two months since she had walked out of their home. Two months since she had so much as uttered a word to him.   
Hillary thought back to that night. The night that the life she was barely keeping a grasp on as it was, had been ripped away from her.  
She had only just poured her pain out to him and he had listened. Said all the right things. He had her believing that everything might just work out. That he would be by her side every step of the way. She had bought into his self righteous anger at the monster who had hurt her and believed his proclaimations of keeping her safe from all harm. All the while omitting his own despicable betrayal. A betrayal in some ways worse than her rape.  
A stranger had overpowered her and violated her body. But Bill... He knowingly betrayed her all encompassing love for him. He had taken her heart and crushed it with his lies.  
She remembered the room closing in on her after watching the news report. Her heart was racing so much so that she felt light headed. She had to get out, get some air. 

Huma had picked up on the first ring "I'm coming".   
She had met her at their back entrance to evade the press packed out infront of the driveway, barefoot and shivering in her thin pyjamas. She didn't know where she wanted to go. Just that she had to be away from here.

Hillary found herself tucked up in bed at Huma's large apartment. She had spent a good part of an hour trying to comfort her heartbroken daughter over the telephone. Assuring her that she would be fine and not to worry too much. Keeping up the facade of calm and nonchalance was exhausting

"I've brought you some hot chocolate..." Huma walked in tentatively.   
"I'd prefer something stronger".  
Huma set the mug down on the dresser and sat herself next to Hillary. She observed the woman in front of her - this larger than life, mythical creature. That is how she herself had viewed Hillary Rodham Clinton upon first meeting her as First Lady. Over the course of time however, she developed a bond, a strong friendship with her. She had come to view her as a mentor and a maternal figure in the absence of her own mother. So to see Hillary hurting as badly as she was, was as painful as if it was her own flesh and blood.  
"I'm sorry this happened..." she brushed a stray lock away from Hillary's face.  
Hillary looked up at Huma. Tears had puddled in her eyes but she blinked them away. She didn't have the energy to cry.  
"I'm just so tired of it all...I just...I don't see the point in it anymore...I don't want to go on..."  
"No Hillary, don't say that. You're upset and you have every right to be. Hell, you can smash up my apartment if it'll make you feel better..." Huma's attempt at levity failed. She took hold of Hillary's hand and squeezed. "...you're my hero. You're the strongest person I know. You're the person who fights when others give up. I know your strength is in there, inside of you...you need a little time but I know, you'll come back fighting."  
Hillary turned over to face away from Huma. An irrational guilt had come upon her. She couldn't even protect herself or save her marriage. How could she be anybody else's champion?  
She shook her head. "That person is gone Huma. They broke her..."  
"Try and get some sleep babe. You're exhausted. You want me to stay the night with you?"  
"...If you'd like to..."  
Huma knew Hillary would not ask for company outright. "I'd like to."  
She crawled in next to Hillary and put her arm over her protectively. "You're freezing" she muttered, rubbing her shoulder  furiously to heat it up. "I'll be right here if you need anything ok?...I love you".  
Hillary patted Huma's hand in appreciation.

She had stayed for a few days, never really leaving the the bed. But soon began to crave a change of scenery. With Huma's help, she rented secluded townhouse in the city. She had once heard that the best place for anonymity was the busiest place you could think of. And there was no place busier than New York in her opinion.  
Her leave of absence at work went unopposed. Nobody questioned why Hillary Clinton had gone AWOL in light of her husband's newest scandal. Even her staunchest of critics in the senate wished her well. Her team would continue her work, and she had made sure to impress that she was always available via email.  
Hillary was glad she had done so, as it was the only distraction available to her. One she threw herself into in order to keep her mind preoccupied.  
She avoided dealing with the most pressing of decisions entirely. Her body was changing. Her hips having widened and her waist was getting thicker. Time was ticking and she knew she would have to go in for her appointment soon. A wave of nausea would roll through her every time she thought about 'It' growing inside of her. Her appointment had been set. She would be free soon. Yet she stalled, rescheduling her procedure with feeble excuses. She had other deadlines to adhere to, she would get round to her own problem soon enough.

The public and media had been kinder with Bill this time than with Lewinsky. It had simply turned into a case of 'Old Bill up to his trick's again'. Hurtfully, just as much blame seemed to have been laid at her feet.   
A part of her had wanted him to suffer. To be made to answer for his deceit. She had wanted him raked through the coals.  
He had been relentless in contacting her but she could not bring herself to speak to him. She was not ready to expose herself in any way to him. Messages and voicemails had been deleted without being read. 

There were also moment's when she had caught sight of Bill on television and craved his strong arms around her. To be immersed in his embrace and be comforted by his loving words.  
Days would roll into night where she did nothing more than cry until she fell asleep from exhaustion. Her longing for him manifesting itself into physical pain.   
For this reason, she had believed that when the time then came to finally hear his voice, she would have been an emotional mess ready to run straight back to him. She had surprised herself however, to realise that she was devoid of all emotion. Not happy, not sad, not angry...just numb. Her heart had hardened out of necessity. Self preservation was her only focus now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all your comments and encouragement.  
> I'd like to apolgise for the slightly longer gaps between updates, I'm just so pushed for time of late!
> 
> Please enjoy and as always, all feedback is encouraged. X

"Oh God, Hillary..."  
Huma shed her jacket on to the floor and ran to the figure half slumped and clinging on to the toilet bowl. She crouched down and gently rubbed Hillary's back as she expelled the contents of her stomach. "...I got here as fast as I could. I was in a meeting and just couldn't get out..."  
Hillary sat back against the cool tiles and wiped the tears from her face. Her chest heaved with exertion. "Here honey, have a sip, it'll make you feel better", directed Huma bringing a bottle of water to Hillary's mouth.  
Hillary drank gratefully.  "I'm sorry...I didn't have anyone else to call..." her lip trembled as another tear rolled down her cheek.  
"Hey, don't be silly. I'm glad you called. I'm just sorry I couldn't come quicker".  
   
She thought back to earlier in the morning when she received an uncharacteristically frantic phone call from Hillary. "This bug really seems to have floored you, huh..."  
"I'd normally have Bill but...I don’t know if I can do this anymore..." Hillary wept quietly.   
Huma observed her friend's pallor and her heart broke for her. "Shh...it's ok, you're not alone." She comforted taking Hillary into her arms " and you don't have to make any decisions about anything until you're ready."  
   
Hillary's body shook against Huma's. Tears now engulfing her small frame. "I-I don't know h-how I'm going to start my life over again. H-he's all I've ever known. I don’t know how I can go through with a d-divorce now. I can't c-cope with a baby at m-my age..."  
Huma's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "Wait, what? Hillary? Baby? Are you...are you pregnant?"  
Hillary nodded in the affirmative.  
"Oh my God"...Huma mused as all the pieces fit in together. Hillary's constant exhaustion, her prolonged sickness bug, complaints of headaches. "But...what about Bill?"  
"What about him..." Hillary sniffed   
"Well, I mean, does he know? Are you still wanting to divorce him?"  
Hillary pulled away and stood up slowly, Huma mimicking her movement. Hillary's legs felt weak but she steadied herself against the sink and splashed cold water on her face. The coolness of the liquid was refreshing on her clammy skin.  
She dried her face on a towel and turned to face Huma, comfortable under the gaze of her confidant's warm brown eyes.  
"Bill knows" she answered quietly. "It's not his." She registered the shock on Huma's face. "…I was attacked at work. Raped” her voice cracked at the last word as she replied quickly in response to what she assumed would be Huma's next questions.  
Hillary walked past Huma and sat on her bed.  
   
Huma turned slowly to face her, not moving from her place by the door frame. She was dumbfounded and struggled to process the information Hillary had just revealed to her.  
“Hillary…when did this happen?” she asked quietly.  
“Back in October…Late one night...”  
Huma’s legs felt as though they would give way any minute. She sat down next to Hillary, taking a hold of her hand.  
“Who…who was-”  
“I don’t know who it was Huma.” Her tone was curter than she had intended on it being. “I didn’t see his face…” she replied a little more softly.  
Huma shook her head. “Why didn’t you come to me, Hilly?”  
Hillary averted her glassy eyes, flush of guilt creeping over her. “I’m sorry, I just… I didn’t know who to turn to. So much was happening and…I don’t know, I needed to just get away.”  
“Babe, you don’t owe me any apologies. I wish I could have been there for you.I hate the thought of you going through this alone…” she put and arm over her friend’s shoulder and drew her into an embrace. Hillary fell in gratefully.  
“…What are you going to do about…you know, the pregnancy…?”  
Hillary closed her burning eyes. “ I don’t know…”  
“Do you want it?”  
“I wouldn’t have chosen this, no”.  
Huma rubbed Hillary’s arm comfortingly.  
“I’ll make you an appointment and you can discuss your options with the Dr, Ok?”  
Hillary shook her head. “No, that’s not necessary. I’ll sort it out in my own time, thanks.”  
“Babe, it’s going to be more difficult to deal with as time goes on, I mean 4 months – that’s your second trimester.”  
Hillary pulled away from Huma, not too pleased with the way this conversation was going. Her blue eyes flashed with anger  
“If you are inferring that I will get attached or God knows what, I can assure you, nothing disgusts me more than seeing my stomach grow with the seed of the man that raped me.”  
Huma looked down ashamed. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just worried about you and the fall out of all this…”  
Hillary instantly regretted her tone with Huma. She was one of the few loyal people in her life and Hillary was grateful for this.  
“No I’m sorry. Don’t worry, I’ll figure things out in my head… Thank you for coming. I needed a friend”. She smiled sadly.  
Huma pulled her back into her comforting embrace. "I'll be with you no matter what".  
   
***  
   
"You absolute fucking asshole!" Huma's body trembled with rage. She gripped the phone tightly to her ear so as not to drop it.  
"I'm sorry, my behavior was inexcusable" Bill conceded.  
"You're damn right it was inexcusable! How could you Bill?!" she paced up and down her hallway, needing to burn off the adrenaline of her anger. "How fucking could you?! Your wife was raped and you go jump into the pants of the first bimbo that flutters her eyelashes at you??" She heard Bill take a sharp intake of breath. "Yeah, Hillary told me everything."  
"Now Huma, I did not know of...of what happened until after I got back from...well, you know, my trip. Hillary wouldnt even talk to me properly-"  
"And that makes it ok?!"  
"No, of cou-"  
"No, Bill" Huma cut in, "you will listen to what I have to say. Instead of trying harder to find out what was upsetting your wife, you decided to go and fuck a 12 year old cos you couldn't think with anything other than your dick!" Her hand slammed against a wall."Was it worth it Bill?" she asked sarcastically. "Because your wife is going through just about the worst thing imaginable and she has been having to do it alone. And do you know what's even worse??" she didn't allow him time to answer. "Hillary is blaming herself for, and I quote, 'pushing Bill away'. She deserves better than this. She deserves better than you!"  
Huma took a deep breath to calm herself. Her ears pricked as she heard what sounded like a sniffle through her earpiece.  
"I'm sorry" Bill's voice trembled "I don't know how to fix this...I just want her back. I'm so worried about her, I miss her so much..." he cried softly.  
She sighed in exasperation. "Don't expect me to feel sorry for you this time Bill. My priority is Hillary and her wellbeing. You've betrayed her time and time again and frankly, this will be the last!".  
"You're right, I know. Huma, just please ask her to come home. I will move out. She doesn't even have to see me. But she belongs here, this is her home".  
"I'll pass on your message" she replied tersely and hung up.

***

She held her head high, eyes staring straight ahead as she walked back to her office. She could hear them. The whispers. The furtive glances. The pitying looks. Her stomach fluttered as she picked up her pace but she ignored it. She found that the flutters often appeared when she was at her most anxious.  
'Too soon' Hillary thought. She had come back too soon. Now almost skipping to her office, she slammed the door shut behind her after her agent completed his daily check of the office and stood outside. She had been back at work three weeks now. Huma had insisted that she take her time, however Hillary knew that the distraction was necessary.   
The Secret Service had requested a different office for her, citing security issues, knowing she couldn't walk back into that space again. At least not at the moment.

***

Hillary stood up and stretched her body. Her back and pelvis ached uncomfortably. They had done so for the past couple of weeks now. Closing her eyes, she fantasised about submerging herself into a nice warm bath and easing the pressure on her small frame.

A hunger pang shot through her stomach. Looking at the clock, she was surprised to find it was almost half past one in the afternoon. Hillary had been so engrossed in her work, she had not so much as stopped for a bathroom break.  
A knocking rapped on her office door. Her heart made a slight leap.  
"Come in...?"   
A familiar, smiling face peeked through the door.  
"Mind if I come if join you?"  
"Joe...!" Hillary smiled back warmly. "Of course, please..." she gestured for him to take a seat.  
As if on cue, Senator Joe Biden walked in carrying two big brown bags. Hillary's stomach grumbled loudly as the smell of Chinese food hit her nose.  
"I take it I made the right choice then!" he laughed setting the bags down on a table. He walked to her and took her into his arms in a friendly bear hug as only Joe could. Hillary bristled a little but tried to remind herself that this was her friend. She patted his back in return.  
"You're my knight in shining armour", she joked pulling away. Joe proceeded to pull out container after container of food from the bags.  
"I didn't know what you'd want so I just got everything..."  
She chuckled at his thoughtfulness and sat down, tucking into a container of salt and chilli chicken.  
"So how are you keeping Hilly?"   
She felt his eyes scrutinising her. "Oh, I'm ok...good days and bad days. You know..."  
Joe nodded in understanding. "Are you making sure to take care of yourself?" he asked noticing the dark circles under her eyes. "You know if you need any help or somewhere to stay, Jill and I -"  
Hillary found herself tearing up. "Oh Joe...that's so kind" she took a tissue and dabbed at her eyes so that her mascara would not stain her cheeks.  
"Hey, hey..." he soothed as he scooted next to her. "That's what friends are for....I could sing it to you if you like but I'm not sure you need to be subjected to that" he winked.  
Hillary found herself laughing. "I'm sorry"  
"Don't be..." he squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "Just make make sure you're taking care of yourself and junior".  
Hillary felt her face turn beet red. She was so sure she had been discreet. Wearing only dark, loose fitting clothing, holding her briefcase in front of her and whilst her midsection was wider and rounder with a bump having appeared from nowhere during her fifth month of pregnancy, she had not put on weight elsewhere.  
"I-I can't talk about that just now Joe...." her voice traiIed.  
"I understand...Im sorry if I overstepped my mark, honey. Old Uncle Joe is just a worrier. Now eat before it all gets cold." He flashed her his infectious smile and the awkardness of the moment immediately dissipated.  
The finished the rest of their lunch with an easygoing conversation littered with amusing anecdotes courtesy of Joe. She hadn't laughed so freely and openly in a long time.

***

Hillary trudged throught the front door of her apartment and threw off her heels. She sighed in relief as the plush thick carpet of her bedroom eased the discomfort on the pads of her feet. Exhausted, she could have fallen asleep as she was, in her powersuit. However her body screamed out for the hot bath she had so craved all day.  
She disrobed and neatly hung her clothing up in the wardrobe. Hillary removed her bra and threw it into her washbasket. Nothing felt as good as freeing herself of the constraining garment. She was about to wrap her silk robe around her body whe she caught a glimpse of herself in the full length mirror. Her breath caught in her throught and the colour drained from her face. She had avoided examining herself in any great detail, but she knew she would have to address the elephant in the room at some point.   
Stepping slowly in front of the mirror, her eyes were fixed on her stomach. She stared at the way her stomach had distorted out of shape. Her belly extending in front of her. Her breasts were tender and had swollen to a bigger cup size already. This wasn't her body.  
'It's wrong, all wrong...' she despaired internally. She cursed herself for not terminating her pregnancy sooner. Why had she stalled? How could she be so irresponsible. She frowned as as the flutter of gentle movement rolled through her stomach, magnifying the reality of her predicament. It was inside her, growing, feeding off of her...this parasite. Draining her own resources so that it could continue it's invasion of her womb.  
She clenched her jaw. Her decision was made. She would have to act fast. If Joe had noticed, she knew other people would follow suit.

Hillary's phone rang loudly, bringing her out of her deliberation.

"Hello?"  
"Senator Clinton, it's Agent Harris. I apolgise for disturbing you so late at night"  
Hillary's hear skipped a beat. "No, that's quite alright. Is something the matter?"  
"I believe we've made some headway in your case. Could you come into HQ at 9am tomorrow?"  
"Yes, absolutely. What...what is it you've found?" she enquired somewhat nervously.  
Agent Harris hesitated. "I presume you've heard of La Cosa Nostra...?"  
Hillary frowned. "No, I don't believe so."  
"I'll explain everything tomorrow Senator. Have a goodnight".


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anybody still reading this, I'm so sorry it has taken so long to update. Ive been suffering through a bad case of writers block. I know how the story is going, just couldnt figure out how to get it going! But I think things in my head are working again...
> 
> Also, I'm a little concerned that perhaps the subject matter I chose for this fic has been portrayed a bit too flippantly or perhaps not been executed well. I sincerely apolgise if any offence or upset has been caused and just please know that I have not taken it lightly at all have tried to be truthful and respectful. 
> 
> As ever, all feedback is encouraged.

She sat quietly. Listening. Her face gave away no reaction to what had been relayed to her.  
“Ma’am?” Agent Crawford looked at her expectantly.  
Hillary shook her head slowly. “I don’t know what to make of this”.  
“I understand it’s a lot to take in. It’s a…complicated situation by all accounts. But I know we’ll get the result we’re looking for”. He smiled encouragingly.  
Hillary looked him directly in the eyes.  
“The Mafia” she said flatly.  
“We can’t obviously be too sure at this stage, but the DNA in your case, matches fluids collected at an FBI raid at a warehouse just on the outskirts of the city. Now it doesn’t match any of the perpetrators apprehended, but somebody will talk on who else was there.”  
Hillary felt dumbfounded. “Since when does the Mafia still operate in New York? I thought all of that was in the past?”  
Agent Harris who had been sitting in on the briefing nodded in understanding. “Much like the rest of us, this organisation has moved with the times. They’ve diversified. Less focus on gangland wars and more or creating a slick operation. A lot of their work is done through the internet…online gambling is a big one, prostitution…narcotics of course…”  
   
She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. She could feel the beginnings of a headache coming on. “I don’t understand how this could be related to my…my attack. I don’t even know a ‘gangster’ or whatever the appropriate term would be."  
"That's what we're trying to figure out. The nature of the attack, the way it was done...there seems to be a personal element to it" Crawford hesitated before he spoke further. "...is there any way that your husband might be involved in any sort of dealing with these people, perhaps his Foundation...?"  
Hillary looked up at him sharply. "No. Absolutely not. Bill would never do anything underhanded or get mixed up in illegal activities. That’s not him".  
"Ok" he nodded. "We just need to cover all our bases. And your office has no dealings of this kind...?"  
"What? No, of course not!"  
"Forgive me, I only ask because it's actually a lot more common than one would think." Crawford picked up Hillary's file. " Now Mrs Clinton, I know it's difficult but we need to go over the statement you made to Agent Hannah on the early morning of the 4th of October."  
Hillary looked away "I told her everything I could, I don't know what else you need to know..." her voice was smaller this time. She felt the familiar fluttering in her stomach but ignored it.  
"I understand. There may however be details that you missed previously or overlooked that you will remember now."   
Hillary nodded. Being a lawyer by profession, she knew all this. It didn't make the situation any easier though.  
"Would you prefer a female agent, Mrs Clinton?"   
"No" she cleared her throat. "That’s not necessary"  
"Ok, I will be recording this conversation- is that alright with you?"  
"Yes", she toyed with her pearl necklace anxiously.   
“Then let’s begin, shall we?”  
   
***  
   
He observed her from afar. Her golden hair glistened with the winter’s sun streaming its rays throughout the small office she was sat in. She was upset. He could tell. He could always tell. Her back faced him but he could see that her head was held up high, her body rigid. He watched as she turned to face out the window, affording him a view of her striking profile. Her strong chin trembled and she wiped her cheek before turning to face the agents again. She was more animated now. Shaking her head, gesticulating her arms. Voices were raised. Hers. Her voice was raised.  
He frowned and slowly made his way down the large office space, passing other agents. He stood outside the office and cocked his ear towards the hinge of the door.  
   
“…I don’t know what he meant when he said that, believe it or not, we did not stand and have a conversation citing his motives before he decided to rape me!” He noticed the panic she was trying to cover up by yelling.  
“Mrs Clinto-“  
“No! Do not tell me to calm down! And its Senator Clinton”.  
Bill raised his eyebrows in surprise.  
“It has been five months – five months and you have got nothing! Yet you bring me down here to interrogate me?? I have told you everything I remember. I cannot give you any more than that. It was dark. I could barely see. He did not say much yet you’re asking me to figure out why he said the few...disgusting things that he did say! You have a rape kit, you have photographic evidence, you swept the office, so why is this coming back to me not giving you enough information?!”  
He thought it best to interject at this stage and walked through the door.  
All three heads turned up to glare at him for the interruption. Two of them softened with realisation of who it was.  
“Gentlemen, may I have a moment alone with my wife.” It was not a question.  
“Yes sir.” Both Agents Crawford and Harris hurried out the office and closing the door behind them.  
   
Alone, Bill’s eyes locked with Hillary’s. She took his breath away. Her eyes were red and puffy, but her blue irises flashed vibrantly. She was beautiful.  
“What are you doing here” she asked icily.  
“Looks like I’ve saved the agents from getting their heads chewed off…”  
She glowered at him. The bubbling and fluttering in her stomach had increased, creating an unsettling feeling. She rubbed a spot on her stomach absentmindedly.  
Bill approached her tentatively and sat down on the seat next to her.  
“Hey stranger, it’s been a while…” he brushed a stray lock away from her face.  
Hillary registered the sadness in his eyes and looked away. She could feel herself tearing up but she knew she had to be strong. She couldn’t fall back into the same pattern as before.  
“…I’ve missed you so much Hilly. I know you miss me too…”  
His southern drawl had the ability to soothe her in ways nobody and nothing else could.   
"...please talk to me love?" he implored.  
Hillary avoided eye contact. "I've nothing to say to you Bill. You have no involvement in this case anymore. I don’t think it's necessary for you to be here. " Her tone, flat and emotionless, masked the whirlwind or emotions coursing through her. His presence had immediately brought her comfort. Yet the video of his unfaithfulness was etched in her mind.   
"Baby please" Bill gently cupped her cheek and brought her face round to look at his. "I can't let you go.  Call me selfish, but I’d rather be dead than without you by my side." Her eyes softened. "We can get through this, we always have..."  
Hillary shook her head. "It's different this time Bill. I can't come back".  
"Why?  We both love each other. That’s all we need. We can work on everything else sweetheart" he brought her hand to his mouth and placed a tender kiss.  
She didn't fully understand herself. She loved him so. But she was tired. Tired of all the hurt, the apologies, the sweet talk. Only for the cycle to repeat itself. She was too old for the games.  
She simply shook her head again and walked to the window.  
Bill's eyes fell on to her figure. She was dressed impeccably- black tailored suit, heels, finished off with a pearl necklace and bracelet. He lingered at the bump she was hiding underneath her calf length black coat. A reminder of his wife's violation. A pang of pain shot through him.   
Her hair was longer, past her shoulders now. It made her look softer. Younger almost.   
"You remind me of when you were pregnant with Chelsea..." he observed wistfully.  
Hillary scoffed.  
“You were so beautiful then”, he followed her to the window and stood behind her, placing a hand gently on her shoulder. “Still are…”  
Hillary shook her head incredulously.  
“Bill, this isn’t ‘Happy Days’ where we just move on as nothing has happened after a moment of reminiscence”.  
Bill hung his head. “I know that. I also know how sorry I am for all the pain I’ve caused you. You know I would never intentionally – “  
She spun around, her face flushed with sudden anger.  
“But you did Bill! You did cause me pain. How can you say it was not intentional? You chose to sleep with that woman. You chose to betray our marriage, betray ME, yet again! There is nothing ‘unintentional’ about it!” Tears were flowing freely now. “I needed you Bill, I needed you so badly. I feel so…lost. And empty and I just…I don’t know what to do anymore…” She hugged herself, trying to control her sobs.  
“I don’t want this baby…I can't even bear to look at myself anymore. But I can’t make myself go through a termination. I don’t know why and I just… I just hate myself so much for it." She crumpled to the floor in defeat.  
 Bill wiped his own tears away and enveloped her in his arms. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry baby” he repeated over and over. She did not pull away. His arms, his chest, his scent…she craved that familiarity in these difficult times.  
“Tell me what to do to fix this, I’ll do anything. I want to be here for you…” he sniffed.  
She looked up into his eyes and saw the sincerity.  
“I love you. I love you so much it hurts… and I can’t hurt like that anymore Bill.”

***

It had been an exhausting day in every conceivable way and all she wanted was to sleep. Her bladder however had different ideas, having already had her up twice in the space of three hours. Eyes half closed, she trudged back to her bedroom.   
Hillary was about to crawl back into the warmth of her bed, when she spotted it. A large manilla envelope lying on the pillow next to her. She didn't recall putting anythere there. Planning to deal with it in the morning, she lifted it to place it on the floor only to notice her name in bold: 

HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON 

Now curious in case it was urgent, Hillary tore open the envelope and put on her glasses. Her face turned ashen as she read the content of the letter.

I WARNED YOU HILLARY. YOU HAVE 24 HOURS TO WITHDRAW YOUR REPORT. FAILURE TO DO SO WILL LEAD TO REPERCUSSIONS. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, to anybody still interested in this, I'm back with this fic again.
> 
> I'm so sorry for the long hiatus, just had the worst case of writers block. Got a kick up the backside from LunaandGinny, so this is for you honey.
> 
> The chapter isn't my best and a bit rough around the edges as its been a good couple of months being away from SOA and the emotional mindset to deal with it. But hopefully it'll do for now and I will update on a more regular basis.
> 
> As ever, all (constructive) feedback and kudos' is welcome and appreciated xxx

Recap: Hillary is raped at work resulting in an unwanted pregnancy. To further complicate matters, Bill’s roving eye gets the better of him leading to the breakdown of the Clinton’s marriage.  
Hillary has moved out and is trying to move forward as best as she can. Her case is being handled by a taskforce set up by the Secret Service however, 5 months later, frustrations have arisen over the length of time it is taking to make any sort of progress.  
   
Previous Chapter: After visiting the SS Headquarters for an update, she comes home to an ominous warning…  
   
Chapter 11  
   
I WARNED YOU HILLARY. YOU HAVE 24 HOURS TO WITHDRAW YOUR REPORT. FAILURE TO DO SO WILL LEAD TO REPERCUSSIONS.  
   
Hillary raced down the stairs and to the front door where her agent was stationed. Her eyes darted everywhere for any sign of something untoward. Her young agent looked up, startled.  
   
“Adam”, her voice croaked. “Who was here?”  
He looked at her inquisitively “Ma’am?”  
“Who delivered this??” she said shouted thrusting at the note in her hands.  
“Ma’am, I just came on duty an hour ago and there have been no visitors”. He looked down at his log book and slowly shook his head. “Hannah was on from 6:00pm until 12:00am and she hasn’t logged anything either. Is something the matter?”    
Hillary turned and bolted back up to her room leaving Adam standing bewildered.   
   
Her heart was thudding in her ears, mind racing. How did this happen? How did he know where she was? How did he even get in past her agents? She swallowed the bile rising in her throat at the thought of him being so close to her sleeping form.  
   
Before she realised what she was doing, she had grabbed her phone and punched in the all too familiar number. She heard it ring once. Twice. Three times.   
'What am I doing?' she thought before hitting the 'End Call' button and throwing her phone carelessly on her bed. Hillary paced back and forth, not entirely sure on what to do.   
'Repercussions'. What did he mean... Chelsea?  Bill?   
Her anxiety increased at the prospect of endangering her family. Her daughter’s security detail had been doubled to four, much to Chelsea’s dismay. However, understanding the position her parents held, she accepted it without questioning it further.  
Her phone rang, jolting her. She tried to steady her breathing before answering.  
   
“Hillary what’s wrong?” Bill could hear her ragged breathing. His panic grew, lifting him out of the fog of sleep. “Hillary? Are you alright?”  
   
“…Bill..” her voice came out thinner and raspier than she had intended.  
   
He sat up alert in his bed. " Hillary? Has something happened? Is it the baby?"  
"No...no the baby's fine" she responded faintly.  
   
“Honey, I’ll be there in half an hour”.  
   
***  
   
He paced the floor angrily, his knuckles white from the grip on his mobile phone.  
“I don’t want to hear excuses, Crawford! I want you to explain to me how somebody could have gotten past YOUR agents and into my wife’s bedroom all without being detected?!”  
   
Hillary sat quietly. Although she had not directly asked him to be here, she was glad for his presence. She absentmindedly rubbed her hand along her stomach. She could tell that It was as unsettled as she was from the somersaulting taking place  
   
“I want a full briefing first thing tomorrow morning!” Bill yelled before ending the call.  
His face had reddened and she could see his fist clench and unclench in anger.  
   
He turned to Hillary and shook his head. “Absolutely useless! He just tried to fob me off with some bullshit or other!”  
   
Hillary shook her head slowly. “I didn’t even hear him.” She stared off into the distance, pale faced. She felt sick at the thought of 'him' being at such close vicinity to her again. Had he touched her? Did he see the swell of her pregnant belly? Did he know??  
   
Bill softened his demeanour and sat down next to her, clasping a small hand into his.  
   
“He could have easily overpowered me again…” she continued. “What if…what if he-“  
   
“Shhh, honey, try and not stress yourself any further,” Bill comforted. “Do you feel alright otherwise?” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and drew her in. She didn’t resist his embrace.  
“You look exhausted baby.”  
   
“I am exhausted.” Hillary mumbled in reply. “Let’s run away together. Escape all this”.  
   
“And where do you want to run away to?” Bill chuckled lightly as he gently rocked her.  
   
“I don’t know. Somewhere far. And peaceful…” She closed her eyes and felt herself drifting.  
   
“I’ll take you anywhere you want to go, babygirl. But first”, he grunted as he repositioned her in her bed, “Let’s get you into your bed so you can rest up”.  
   
Hillary sank into her pillows and sighed, eyes closed “Thank you, Bill…”  
   
“I’ll be right here when you wake up.” Bill settled himself on the chair next to her bed in order to keep watch.  
   
Hillary reached out to clasp a large hand into hers before she felt herself drifting off.  
***  
   
She winced and squirmed her eyes shut tighter. The glare of the high sun streaming in through her window however was relentless. Squinting an eye open, Hillary turned to look at the chair next to her and its occupant. Empty. She frowned and looked at the clock by her bedside.  
11:38.   
She lay back down before shooting back up. Shit! She had missed her 10am conference call and 11am meeting. Hillary scrambled out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. Did she have time for a shower? She darted back out to grab an outfit before running straight into-   
   
"Bill!"  
"Woah, woah, what’s the hurry?" he laughed as he placed a tray on the table.  
"Why didn't you wake me? I'm late now!" she shouted angrily rushing back into the bathroom.  
"Honey, relax. I called Huma and got her to reschedule your day."  
Hillary walked out. Appearing somewhat calmer. "You did?"  
"I hope you don't mind. I figured you needed the rest after last night and I didn't have the heart to wake you".  
"Oh. Thank you". She mumbled.  
"I made you breakfast?" He indicated to the tray of food.   
It was only now that the aroma of sweet and savoury hit her nostrils and her stomach grumbled loudly in response.  
They both laughed awkwardly as she made her way to sit down.  
"I take it the little one is as hungry as you."  
"Mmm..." she muttered, still not willing to acknowledge the elephant in the room. " So, What's for breakfast?"  
   
Bill sensed her unease so took her cue. "Well I rustled you up a couple of little things". He lifted the lid up to reveal an array of delights. French toast, scrambled eggs with smoked salmon, toast with lashings of butter, crumpets, fruit, yogurt, tea, coffee, juice...  
"Bill who are you planning on feeding this all to?"  she laughed as she helped herself to a bit of everything in front of her.  
"Oh, I'm pretty sure between the two of us, we'll manage alright!"  
   
And surely enough, within half an hour, the tray was nearly empty.  
   
Hillary sighed contentedly as she pushed her plate away. She felt rested. Relaxed.  
"Well thank you very much Mr Clinton. I had forgotten how gifted you were in the kitchen".  
Bill feigned modesty "Aw shucks Mrs Clinton, I did learn it all from you".  
Hillary laughed out loud and threw a napkin in his direction. "Yeah right! We both know that’s not true!”  
   
She winced a little as she stood up. Her back ached terribly of late. She knew it was to be expected, her body was older now. Not necessarily equipped to handle a pregnancy at her age.  
Bill’s laughter changed to concern. “Are you ok?”  
“Oh, yeah” she waved him off. “Just aches and pains. You know what they say – ‘Old age does not come alone’…”  
“Hillary...” Bill knew she was being intentionally obtuse with him. “I mean with the baby. Your pregnancy”.  
She walked to her closet and pretended to shuffle clothing around. “I’m fine Bill.”  
He walked closer to her and placed a hand on her back. He felt her stiffen. “Hillary…please don’t shut me out. I love you so much. Please let me be here for you.”  
She hung her head before turning around to look at him. His deep blue eyes penetrated hers. He could see right into her soul. She knew that.  
“I’m having difficulty in coming to terms with…” She shook her head helplessly “With everything. I’m struggling Bill”.  
   
Bills heart broke for her. He knew he was a big part of her struggle.  
“Oh sweetheart. I wish I could wave a magic wand and go back to how things were before…before everything.”  
Hillary smiled sadly as her eyes pooled with tears. She knew he meant it. “Just hold me, please?”  
   
Bill inhaled her clean scent and perfume as he enveloped his arms around her. This felt right.  
“I’d do anything for you baby” he murmured in her ear. "And as soon as we get you back home, I'll make sure to prove that to you over and over".  
Hillary opened her eyes and frowned. "Back home?"  
"Yeah. With me, our home. Where you belong. I packed you a bag. I wanted to surprise you".  
She pulled away from him. "Packed me a bag? What are you talking about?"  
"Hillary, I'm taking you home where I can look after you."  
She laughed incredulously. "Look after me? Bill I'm not one of our pets. I don't need a babysitter."  
Bill shook his head. He didn't understand her at times. "Honey, you're not safe here. If anything, last night proved that. You need to be home with me."  
"I dont need to be anywhere Bill. I'm happy here and I'm not going anywhere!" Hillary exclaimed defiantly.  
Bill reached out and grabbed her arm. "You're happy letting your rapist have full access to you again?!" his tone came out harsher than he intended. He saw the hurt that flashed across his wife's face and instantly regretted his words.   
"I don't need you to be my saviour Bill." she said coldly "Get out."   
"Hillary baby, I'm sorry. I didnt mean-"  
"Oh of course! You don't mean anything do you Bill? Everything is always somebody else's fault "Oh she was flirting with me", "You're so busy you don't have time for me" "I was drunk, it was just a kiss"... Well Im tired of your sorry excuses!" Hillary could feel her face getting hotter.  
"Hillary I dont understand why you're bringing all this up now.  Its neither the time nor the place! I was only thinking of us and fixing our family!"  
"Oh you were?  Were you thinking of us when you decided to fuck that little tramp? Or when you brazenly decided to play tongue hockey with her in public? Can you even imagine my humiliation?! My pain?"  
Bill looked away embarrassed as she continued. " So fuck you with your sanctimonious bullshit! The only one you are thinking of and have always thought of, is yourself!"  
"How many times do I have to apologise Hillary?? I said I'm sorry!"  
 Hillary could feel the well of emotion build up in her chest. "Just leave Bill".  
"No I will not leave dammit. You can't keep shutting me out every time you're uncomfortable with something! Now you can flower it up and pretend that it's all about my infidelity-  which I know was wrong and I cannot express more regret over it if I tried, but we both know what this is about. You are pregnant Hillary." She shot him a glare. " The outcome of something horrific. That isn't my fault. I can't tell you how many times I asked you not to work alone so late-"  
"Are you impying that me being raped was MY fault for st-"  
Bill slammed his fist against the wall "Dammit Hillary that is not what I said!"   
Hillary took a deep measured breath. She detested the fluttering in her stomach but knew she had to calm herself.  
"For the last time, I want you to leave Bill".  
"Fine" Bill flew the door open and stormed out.

*** 

The next two days were uneventful for Hillary. She was back at work and chose to keep herself busy. She and Bill hadn't spoke since their fight and although there were moment she found herself constructing a text to him, she eventually ended up backtracking.

She suddenly looked up as Huma came rushing into her office early one morning with a wad of newspapers. Her face pale, eyes wide with alarm.  
"Huma? What is it? Are you ok?" Hillary probed in concern.

Huma started at her in shock. "Haven't you seen it yet?? Why are you still here?"   
"Huma I've been here for hours working on my report. Now will you tell me whats going on?"

Huma tentatively placed the papers on Hillary's desk.

Hillary's breath caught in her throat. 'Oh God no, not again!'


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys SO much for receiving me and this story so warmly again!
> 
> I was concerned that there perhaps might not be the interest for it, but this fandom just has the most supportive and encouraging people in it.
> 
> Appreciate all the kudos' and comments - keep 'em coming!xx

Horrified, her eyes darted from one newspaper to another. Her glassy, bloodshot eyes stared back at her, face battered and bloody. Even worse were the headlines above it:  
   
SENATOR FLEES ABUSIVE PRES  
   
PRESIDENT STRIKES BACK  
   
TOXIC TRUTH ABOUT CLINTON MARRIAGE  
   
ABUSE OF POWER  
   
Hillary shook her head slowly. She picked up one of the papers and began to read.  
   
'Senator Clinton files for divorce from her husband, former President of The United States, Bill Clinton. Sources close to the Clintons reveal that the marriage has long been an unhappy one, marred by infidelity and an explosive temper on part of the president and Mrs Clinton’s dependency on alcohol. Exclusive photographs revealed to us show the extend of the president’s tempestuous nature from the most recent attack on Mrs Clinton. Our source also reveals Mrs Clinton has cited spousal rape in her complaint...'  
   
****  
'...Mrs Clinton has since fled their home and has now been living separately. Medical reports also reveal that the Senator is now pregnant with their child. According to our source, this is the result of yet another violent attack.  
Agents previously assigned to the high-profile couple corroborate the volatile and often violent nature of their relationship.'  
   
Bill crumpled up the paper is hand. His body shaking with rage. "What the fuck is this??!" he roared at his aide, Jack. “How did they get these photos?!”  
   
Jack stood grimly by his side. “They’re pretty damning article Bill. We can brush them off as just the usual right-wing slander but…”  
   
Bill looked up from his seat by the kitchen table. “But what?”  
   
“Well, I mean…look her face. It didn’t get like that on its own…” He shrugged uncomfortably. “I mean Hillary hasn’t been living here for months. You know what they say, ‘no smoke without fire’ and all that…”  
   
Bill stood up sharply and squared up to Jack, glaring coldly. “I have never, NEVER laid a finger on my wife. I would sooner lose my right arm then hurt her!” He picked up his coffee mug and threw it past Jack, narrowly missing him before smashing against the opposite wall.  
   
“Jesus Christ Bill!! I never said you did! Calm the fuck down!! We need a clear head and damage control asap! I’ve got the team round at the office, they are sending out retraction demands and what have you.”  
   
Bill sat down feeling defeated. He couldn’t believe the mess his life had turned into.  
“I didn’t hurt her Jack. She IS pregnant, it’s true. She was raped,” his face crumpled momentarily before he composed himself. “…and then I cheated on her”.  
Jack’s eyes widened in shock.  
“I didn’t know she had been attacked when I was unfaithful” Bill explained hurriedly. “Not that it makes it better. But that’s why she left. And I don’t blame her.”  
   
“Wow…I’m sorry Bill”. Jack placed a comforting hand on his boss’ shoulder and Bill patted in acknowledgement.  
   
“I have to speak to Hillary.” He stood up suddenly.  
   
***  
   
“I have to speak to Bill. How could they do this? How could they print these lies??” Hillary paced her office frantically. “Huma, no-one enters before checking first and make sure no press gets into the building. Call more resources if necessary. Tell the agents.”  
   
Huma nodded and walked up to Hillary to still her. “Take a deep breath” she instructed. “…and out. Good.”  
Hillary did so twice more, if only to slow down her thudding heart.  
“Did you call Bill?”  
“I’ve been speaking to Jack, we’re sorting it out”  
“That’s not what I asked” Hillary muttered before reaching for her handbag.  
   
Before she even had hold of it, her phone began its merry little tune. Fumbling blindly, she eventually found it and answered. “Bill!”  
   
“Mom? Mommy are you ok??”  
Hillary felt her stomach drop hearing the panic in her daughter’s voice. “Honey, I’m fine. Don’t lister to the press and don’t answer any questions ok? It’s all lies” She tried to reassure Chelsea.  
“But mom your face and – and the stuff they’ve been writing. They said-“  
“Chelsea, sweetheart. It’s ok. I - we just need to talk to you about something, your father and I. Ok?” Hillary tried her best to sound calm and composed. The last thing she wanted was to have her daughter upset and alone so far away from her. “I’m arranging a flight for you, ok?”  
Chelsea felt bewildered “I don’t understand. Mum what’s happened??” She asked tearfully.  
Hillary could feel a lump form in her throat that she could not swallow. “Baby, I will see you at home in a couple of hours. Everything will be alright. Ok? I love you so much.” Her voice trembled slightly however she hung up before Chelsea could detect the wobble.  
   
Hillary looked over to Huma who was peering through the windows at the gathering press. “Vultures…” she muttered. “They’ve got both exits covered, Hill.”  
“Shit!...I need to leave now, I need to see Bill. Which exit gives me easiest and quickest access to the car?”  
“…The front…but it doesn’t look safe. They’re creating a blockade…”  
Hillary pondered this for a moment.  
“We don’t have a choice. Call a car, and tell the agents we’re leaving now.” She instructed as she put on a pair of dark sunglasses. She was in auto mode. She couldn’t allow herself to get emotional. It was exactly what they fed on – despair and heartache. Huma was right, they were vultures.  
   
Outside, she was deafened by the roar of different voices all screaming over one another for her attention. Microphones were stuck intrusively into her face. Flashes blinding her.  
   
“Senator Clinton do you have any comments to make!”  
   
“Do you regret supporting Bill through his rape allegations now!”  
   
“Is it true you’re an alcoholic!”  
   
“Mrs Clinton how did you hide the abuse during the White House years!”  
   
‘These weren’t questions’, Hillary pondered bitterly,‘They were just statements being shouted at her. No doubt the following day’s headlines.’   
   
Bodies clamoured over the other to get as close as possible for a picture. Beneath the cool façade she could feel her heart pick up pace again. Her stomach began to flutter uncomfortably forcing her to gently rub a hand over it.  
   
“Hillary do you think a rape baby will make you more sympathetic to voters!”  
   
She turned sharply towards the direction of the voice. “That’s abhorrent!” she replied angrily. How dare they politicise something like this. The mob murmured in excitement.  
   
Huma, sensing that things would soon get out of hand, pulled at Hillary’s arm behind her. Hillary couldn’t see for the swarm, guided only by her aide’s grip on one of her wrists.  
She almost lost her footing and stumbled but was caught by her burly agent who decided a more aggressive tactic was now required. They physically forced the paparazzi and reporters to separate to allow Hillary to pass.  
   
Hillary and Huma finally fell into their car. Although the windows were blacked out, they could see the flashes going at rapid speed as the car drove off.  
   
“Absolute bastards!” Huma declared in shock. Her boss who was typing away on her Blackberry, merely nodded in agreement.  
   
‘On my way Bill. I’m so sorry. H ‘  
   
***

Bill had been pacing restlessly waiting for Hillary's arrival when he heard Jack shout from the living area.

"They're here!"

Bill rushed through and saw her sleek back car pulling up throught the windows. He went to put on a pair of boots before Jack yanked at his arm.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like? I'm going out to get her." Bill responded as if stating the obvious.

"Are you nuts?" Jack exclaimed. "We've been avoiding the press all morning and suddenly you're going to just run into a sea of them?!"

"I can't just sit and wait for her!" Bill shouted gruffly.

"No, that's exactly what you will do Bill. Let the agents handle it." He turned back to look out the window as he watched the car carefully manoeuvre its way past the reporters and cameras banging on the doors. "Lord knows we don’t need to give them anymore fodder for drama".   
Bill wavered. He knew Jack was right. 

***

Hillary emerged from the car, grateful of their private driveway. The front door flung open and Bill ran out.

"Hillary!  Oh my God, I was so worried about you". He flung his arms around her and held her tightly. "You ok baby?" he mumbled in her ear.

"It's 'Him' Bill. He's done this."

"Let's get you inside". 

***

"I don't understand Mom...why didn't you tell me?" Chelsea sat between her mother and father, sobbing and cinging on to Hillary.

She had arrived a couple or hours ago and had to have possibly the most harrowing discussion she would ever have with her parents. 

Hillary ran her hands softly through her daughter's thick curls as Bill rubbed a comforting hand on her shoulders. Although she was a mature 19 year old, she was still their baby.

"Shhh...it's ok sweetheart. I just didn't want to upset or worry you. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this..." she wiped away her own tears.

"A-are you going to keep it?" she hiccoughed.

Bill saw the alarm in Hillary's expression and interjected. "We'll work through this as a family, honey... Now here, have some water else you'll make yourself sick". 

'Knock-knock'

They all looked up as Huma entered the living room.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. Bill, Hillary...I've got Crawford on the line for you."

Bill looked at his wife and daughter. Hillary, who still had Chealsea wrapped around her nodded for Bill to go ahead and take the call.

Bill sat down in his study.

"Crawford, what the Hell is going on in your department! How did the press get a hold of classified information?!" he was livid.

Captain Crawford was expecting exactly this reaction. He took a deep breath and spoke gravely. "There's a leak in the Secret Service department, sir."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi All,
> 
>  
> 
> (To those interested) It's going to be a double dunter...2 chapters from me tonight/tomorrow morning - just finishing up Ch.14 but thought. I'd put this up now.
> 
> Thanks again for all your encouragement, it really means so much that you enjoy the story so far. It is a pretty heavy/angsty fic so it does take a bit out of me at times, lol.
> 
> As ever, please do leave feedback if you can :-)

"Senator, here's the report Jim was talking about earlier. He asked me to hand deliver it to you"  
   
Hillary nodded without looking up. "...Just leave it in the tray, thanks Mia".  
   
Mia, the young assistant hovered.   
   
"...Is there anything else?" Hillary enquired having seen the girl in her peripheral.  
   
Mia wrung her hands nervously. "Erm...well, I was wondering if you might let me finish a little earlier tonight. I'll make up the time."   
Hillary looked up as the girl continued, face flushed "...I- I've been asked out on a date. I mean can say no. It's not a problem.  I really shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry. I'll ju-"  
   
"Mia. Stop talking." Hillary held up a hand to the rambling girl. "Of course, you can finish early tonight.  I don't need any more errands done today so why don't you finish up at 5, ok?"   
   
"Oh, thank you Senator!" Mia beamed.   
   
Hillary smiled back. "So is this a friend from college? Where are you kids going?"  
   
"Oh no, I only met him yesterday. He was delivering some documents and we kinda...just hit it off."   
   
Hillary's smile faltered a little. "You don't know anything about him?" She tried to ask casually.  
   
"Well, I mean I know his name is Mark, he's a little bit older. And super-hot. And he drives...he's picking me up".   
   
Older man who drives a car. Hillary could see how impressed Mia was with her little factoids. The ignorance of youth. How she envied it.  
   
"Mia, listen to me carefully ok? Make sure you get his FULL name, car registration number and that somebody knows where you are at ALL times."  
   
"Oh sure, of course" Mia nodded emphatically.  
   
"Good. You have a good time and I'll see you tomorrow".  
   
The girl floated out of the office and clicked the door shut behind her.  
   
Hillary leaned back in her chair and sighed.  She couldn't remember the last time she had been so oblivious to the darker aspects of life. Perhaps in her childhood. However even then, there was the tiptoeing around her father's temper until she left for college. Always having to be perfect, getting straight A's. Only to be belittled for doing well.  
No, Wellesley. Wellesley was where she flourished. Where she was free to be the person she was; to think as she wanted, to believe as she wanted and to do as wanted. People liked her. And she liked people.   
And then...then she met Bill. Her soulmate. The love of her life. The harbinger of the never-ending vicissitudes that she now called life.  
   
Her phone rang, bringing her out of her reverie.  
   
"Yeah..."  
   
Silence  
   
"Hello?"  
   
"You're a disgrace to women. How dare you claim to be for our rights when you're back with your abusive rapist of a husband. You thi-"  
Hillary sighed and cut off the anonymous caller with a click of the phone. She didn't have the energy for this. Not today.  
   
The calls had literally started the moment she decided to go back to her Chappaqua home with Bill after the first newspaper 'expose' the previous month. She had tried to resist moving. She truly had. She wanted to be strong and prove that she needed no one. But once the calls and letters came pouring in, she knew what she had to do. Not all of them were negative, she did have supporters who claimed to understand her decisions. But on the whole, the anger directed at her was overwhelming and at times frightening. Once protestors figured out where she lived, she knew her safety could not be guaranteed.  
   
Bill was ecstatic. Of course he would be. He didn't care that she insisted on staying in the guestroom. His girl was back home and he would take care of her. The would be a family again.  
They had both issued out press statements vehemently denying the hurtful and damaging lies that the media had so carelessly chosen to run with. They had decided to divulge nothing further to the press, simply confirming the pregnancy and stating that the matter was private.  
This of course was fuel to the fire for the media and Clinton detractors, but Hillary would rather this, than reveal the truth. 

***  
   
She stared ahead at the white ceiling as Dr Page spoke. The cold jelly giving her goosebumps as the Dr moved the ultrasound wand along her rounded belly.  
   
"...Yes....there we go, a nice strong heartbeat...and a good size at seventh months..." Dr Page turned to Hillary and frowned a little. "Hillary, would you like to see?"  
   
Hillary flushed red, a heavy feeling of guilt settling in her core. She shook her head slightly. "I-I’m a little pushed for time. Perhaps at the next visit..."  
   
"Of course. Would you like to know the sex?"   
   
Again, Hillary closed her eyes and shook her head in the negative.  
   
Dr Page cleaned Hillary up and allowed her to redress.  
   
Once they were both seated, she began writing out some prescriptions, "...Hillary is there anything you'd like to discuss with me? Any concerns? I recall your worry at being an older mother..."  
"Erm...no, thank you Dr you've been very informative." Hillary feigned a smile.  
Dr Page nodded, not entirely convinced.  
"You have a demanding job and a very public private life. I can't imagine the stress you and your body are under... and whilst I'm the last person to buy into tabloid gossip-"  
   
"Oh believe me" Hillary cut in "Everything you will have read is complete fabrication. I assure you".  
   
"And what about everything I've seen? Those photographs?" she asked softly.  
   
Hillary broke eye contact and looked away, embarrassed to be caught out like this.  
   
"...I'm not trying to put you on the spot Hillary. My concern is for you and your baby. Did your husband hurt you? Does he do it often?"   
   
"Oh, no. Please Dr Page, I wish to make this completely clear - Bill has never and would never lay a finger on me. Our marriage is not perfect and you can accuse my husband of many things, but violent is not one of them."  
   
"Ok. I appreciate you clearing that up" she smiled kindly. "If I may, I have observed on a few occasions though, you're a little...'distant' during your check-ups..."  
Hillary narrowed her eyes as the Dr continued.  
"...most women jump at the chance to see or hear their baby. But that’s the second time you've declined..."  
Hillary bowed her head, ashamed.  
"...I believe you may be suffering from depression Hillary. It’s understandable with all the changes your body is going through on top of everything else. I wonder if you would consider speaking to somebody. A professional?"  
   
Hillary laughed dryly. " Dr Page. With all due respect, I don't need to speak to anybody. The fact is…the fact is that something did happen… and I should have told you from the start...."  
   
***  
   
It was another long and tiring day. But Hillary was glad for the distraction.

Hillary's phone buzzed. This time, it was a number she recognised. 

"Agent Harris."

"Ma'am - we've got him!

***

Her heart was racing as she made her way into the Secret Service headquarters. Bill was already waiting for her with  Captain Crawford and Agent Harris.

"Where is he?" she asked breathlessly. Her heart was pounding in her ears.

Bill reached out for hand and clasped it tightly. "Honey, don't get your hopes up too high just now. They're just questioning him at the moment."

Agent Harris nodded. "He was actually apprehended and brought in for something else. But...well your name came up. And we think he's our guy..."

Hillary blinked in disbelief. "You think??...No, I want to see him."

"Hillary, I don't think that's a good idea until they have somethng concrete."

"Bill..." her tone was measured but dangerous "...Frankly, I don't care what anybody thinks. I need to see him." 

The agents nodded and led them another room.

"He's behind that screen. He won't be able to see or hear you, but you will be able to see him."  Captain Crawford explained. "Do you have any questions?"

Both Clintons shook their heads slowly. Hillary's hands felt clammy.

Crawford gave the indication for the curtain in front of the screen be removed.

She grasped tightly on to Bills arm. Everything felt in slow motion.  The curtain fell away to reveal...

"Oh God...." she gasped softly. Her voice drowned out by Bill speaking at the same time.

"I know him!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that so far.
> 
> Althought I have a rought narrative outlined, I do struggle with content at times. So if there is anything youd like to read, or you have any suggestions or ideas, please feel free to let me know. Xx
> 
> P.s Does anyone know how to paste WITHOUT losing the one would write in? For eg, I always lose anything in italics which is so frustrating as it would enhance the story in certain sections. Tx


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING 
> 
> Some of this chapter may be distressing to some readers. But if you've read the fic this far, you're probably used to it...
> 
> And as promised, chapter 14.
> 
> P.s Can someone explain how to 'Gift' a chapter or fic? X

19 Months Prior-

"Let me get this straight Mr Luciano -"

He held up his hand to interrupt. "Please, call me Samuel."

Hillary narrowed her eyes at the impeccably dressed man seated in front of her in her office. He couldn't be anymore than 40...45 years old.  
"Samuel. You want my office to, quote unquote, 'look the other way', whilst you smuggle arms and narcotics into the city?!" She shook her head incredulously.

Samuel smiled. Althought incredibly handsome with a Mediterranean look, his smile did not meet his eyes. He gestured casually with his hands and shrugged.

"What's a little business between friends. Your predecessor...Senator Martin, he and I had an understanding. An agreement you could say...you know how it goes..."

Hillary couldn't believe her ears. "Well Samuel, with all due respect, No. I don't know 'how it goes goes'. I am not Senator Martin. I am Hillary Clinton. And you must be out of your God-damned mind if you think I am going to sit here and agree to get involved in any sort of illegal activity with you or anybody else!"

Rather than having the usual effect of the recipient of her tirade quaking in their seat, Samuel laughed and stood up. "You have gumption. You're feisty. I like that about you Hillary" He had walked around her desk and stood in front of her.   
Hillary stood up also, however he towered over her. He cupped a hand under her chin.

"You are a superstar, you know it. As am I. And together, we can have the run of city...and perhaps a little fun together." He licked his lips suggestively as he caressed a thumb over her lips. 

Enraged, Hillary slapped his hand away and spoke low but teetering on the edge of screaming at him.

"Don't you ever touch me again" she glowered. "Get out of my fucking office before I have security drag you out." 

Samuel glared at her icily. His grey eyes boring into her for an uncomfortably long time. He eventually sauntered out of Hillary's office.

She sat down to compose herself before picking up the phone.

"Huma, get me the FBI's anonymous tip off line."

***

Present-

The three men stared at her wide eyed.

Bill spoke first. "Hillary, you never even mentioned this to me when it happened."

Hillary shook her head in confusion. "My interaction with him lasted less than twenty minutes, Bill...I never even thought about it again until....until now".

"Senator, you had a meeting with a prominent figurehead of the New York underworld and you...'forgot' to mention it?" Crawford spoke tersely.

Hillary eyed him sharply. "I don't appreciate your insinuation Captain".

Harris interjected before the already tense situation got too heated. "Ok. Ok. We now have a motive. Of sorts. We had an idea the 'Family' was involved. But I just assumed you were...pardon the expression Senator, collateral damage. I had'nt  realised you were the actual intended target. For him to carry out the attack himself...it was personal". 

Hillary stared at the man on the other side of the screen. Those eyes...she'd never forget the way he looked at her that night. She unexpectedly felt movement followed by a light kick in her abdomen.

"It's always been personal Agent Harris." Her voice was soft.

He turned to Crawford. "I'm going back in there".

Crawford nodded. He then spoke into his radio. "Have the rape kit ready".

***

"Agent Harris...your back".  Samuel Luciano quipped wryly as he puffed on a cigarette.  "I was begining to miss you."

Harris ignored him and sat down facing him.

"Tell me about Senator Clinton."

Samual smirked. "She was a great fuck. What else do you want to hear?"

"The truth."

"The truth?" Samuel pondered this mockingly. "The truth is", he leaned forward, "...she was begging me. Said she needed something her limp dick husband couldn't give her." He took another draw of his cigarette. "And being a gentleman, I obliged. I tell you Harris, she is AMAZING. Are real screamer". He winked.

"Evidence indicates quite the opposite Mr Luciano." Harris' mind briefly flashed back to the battered and bloody woman that met him on that fateful night.

Samuel shrugged casually "So she likes it rough.I can't help it if the bitch got caught and is now crying rape. I mean look at me. I'm perfection. I don't need to take anybody by force. Women are desperate for me to even just look their way, you think I need the hassle?"

"Not the hassle, no. But I hear you don’t shy away from a challenge. Hillary Clinton...she's high profile. A former President's wife, internationally renowned, New York's senator...and the only person to have the balls to turn you away with your tail between your legs".

Harris observed as Samuel's expression turned cold, his jaw tense and twitching. 

"Like I said, I can get whoever I want".

"Will you provide a DNA sample? We can easily omit you from our inquiries ".

Samuel stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray and laughed. "Oh come on Harris! You've been at this game too long to not know how it works. You have had me here for almost 23 hours. I have cooperated. So unless you have something, I will be free to walk out of here in about an hour".

True to his word, Samuel Luciano walked out of SS Headquarters a still free man.

***

The forensics team swiftly came in and swept the room. Luciano was careful of what he left behind. 

"But not clever enough..." Harris whispered as the cigarette butt was carefully collected and bagged. He lifted his radio to his mouth.

"Is the kit prepped?"

"Negative".

"The kit is priority!" he shouted exasperated. "Drop whatever you are doing and attend to it. That is an order!" 

"Kit cannot be prepped Sir." The voice spoke. "Kit number 87493 was signed out 3 months ago."

"What?! By whom?? What is identifying agent number??" he demanded.

"Sir the number is non-existent in our database".

Harris felt his stomach drop."What the fuck are you telling me..."  
***

"Are you - is this a fucking joke?? You've LOST the rape kit?!" Bill was seething. His face getting redder by the minute. 

"It was signed out by an unknown agent Sir." Harris explained downcast. He felt like a failure. This had happened on his watch...

Bill clenched his fistsc and turned to the Captain." HOW could you possibly run a department SO inept Crawford!"

Crawford looked away guiltily. He had no response

"You are going to be written up! Mark my words. I will personally see it it that you are stripped of your title..."

Hillary sat down, her legs shaking and weak. She felt as though a she had been punched in the gut then doused with ice water. It was difficult enough to sit and listen to the bastard's disgusting lies. But this...there was no recovering from this. He won.

"Bill..."

He didn't hear her.

"Bill...Bill!!" 

Bill stopped his tirade and looked down at his wife. She looked so pale...so fragile.

"...Please take me home."

He did as requested.  

The journey home was quiet. He tried to reassure her, tell her eveything would work out. But he wasn't sure she was even listening.

She went straight to her room and locked herself in for the remainder of the evening. And the following day.

***

It was a dream. Bill knew it was, but couldn’t keep himself from groaning. Her scent, her heady perfume wafted around him seductively, drawing him deeper into his fantasy. Soft lips planted featherlight kisses on his cheeks, his nose, his mouth...his neck. The gentle suction on the flesh over his pulse elicited a deep moan…  
   
”Hillary….”    
   
He felt a pressure on his abdomen and smiled through closed eyes.  
   
"Mmm…yes baby…” he mumbled.  
   
Her heat was directly above his groin as her legs straddled either side of him. His hands reached out to caress her full breast. So soft. She whimpered. He felt himself harden at the sound.  
Her mouth hovered over his now. It all felt so real he could almost feel her hot breath on him. He ran his hands tenderly through her long, silky locks before running them up and down her womanly curves, the width of her hips... So soft and warm...she felt so real...so very, very rea-  
   
CRASH!!!  
   
Bill opened his eyes with a start and shot up in his bed. His heart racing a mile a minute. A dim table lamp was on, allowing his eyes to adjust quickly  
'Wait...what??'  
His wife...his Hillary, was positioned exactly as he recalled in his dream. Her smooth legs on either side of his, her silky nighty raised up to her hips. Her breasts pressed into his chest, her face inches from his.  
   
"Sorrrry...I tried...I was trying to get the...the tumbler. It's ok, I got another one" she waved an arm haphazardly in the direction of his bedside table  
   
Bill squinted his eyes and could make out shards of glass glistening in the dim light.  
   
"Hillary, honey what are you-"  
   
"Shhhhhh" she brought a finger up to his mouth and held it there. "No talking."  
   
She reached over to the table and successfully grabbed a tumbler and took a big gulp before setting it down again noisily. She brought her mouth down to Bill's ear and growled.  
   
"I jus...just fuck me...fuck me hard. Make me feel it”.  
   
Hillary ground her pubic mound against Bill's throbbing member for emphasis.   
   
Bill Clinton was not a man that could be easily confused, however at this precise moment he wasn't sure he could - to pardon the expression, tell his arse from his elbow. Was he still dreaming? He was sure this Hillary was just a figment of his supressed libido. But he could see her. And feel her. God could he feel her...  
He groaned out load at the sensation of his wife's hot centre rubbing seductively up and down the length of this penis. Only his thin shorts acting as a barrier.  
He watched in awe as Hillary slipped the straps of her nighty down past her shoulders, revealing her full, slightly swollen breasts. Bill licked his suddenly dry lips. He had never seen her look so magnificent. Hooded eyes...flushed cheeks...plump limps...hair cascading down her shoulders, barely brushing at her sensitive, erect nipples. Even her bump hidden under the bunched-up silk added to the allure.  
   
"Touch'em..."  
   
Bill took a nervous breath. "Honey...I don't understand. How are you feeling?"

"Touch me"

"I don't want to hurt you. I know how sensitive you get..."

"Don't care..." she grabbed his hands clumsily and placed them on her breasts. "Squeeze 'em. Hard".  
   
Something was off. He felt it. Was she slurring? But in his half asleep, and very aroused state, he was having difficulty forming a coherent thought.  
Hillary groaned. Her face contorted in... pain?...pleasure? He couldn't tell and immediately pulled his hands away.  
   
"Thefuckisswrongwithyou...!" she yelled in annoyance.  
   
It was then that Bill smelled it. Liquor? No that couldn't be right. She woul-   
His train of thought was interrupted as he felt Hillary scoot down and in one deft move, pull his thick, throbbing penis out of his shorts.  
   
"Hillary...."  
   
****  
   
The room was spinning. Just a little. But she was fine. She was. She held 'it' in her small hands and blinked slowly.   
   
'See...harmless, Hillary. It's flesh.... just flesh...'   
   
Time stood still as she stared it down, a cold sweat breaking out all over body.  
For she knew. She knew it wasn't 'harmless'. On the contrary. This bit of meat and flesh was the weapon of choice for men. From times past until the present day. And most likely until the day of reckoning. Men would use this a means to control and humiliate women. To violate them and break them from the inside out.

That's what 'He' had done. Luciano. What he was still doing. Breaking her. Bit by bit, piece by piece. And he knew it. The bastard was mocking her.  
She swallowed the bile that was rising in her throat as her stomach flip-flopped.  
No. She had to take control. She had to reclaim herself.  
   
***  
   
"Hillary, honey, come back up here..." he bit his lip as her hands rubbed slowly up and down his shaft, her face having taken on an odd expression.  
   
Reluctantly, he sat up and pulled her up so that she was kneeling next to him. He put a large palm gently on her face, his thumb caressing her cheek softly. He could see that her eyes were glassy and drooped.  
"Honey, we need to talk about what's happened. What are you thinking? Talk to me huh?"  
   
He watched her face ponder his words before suddenly taking on a determined expression. She grabbed his head and planted her mouth roughly on his. Her tongue probed his lips for access. He obliged. The kiss was hungry, desperate.  Bill felt himself sinking, ready to give into his lust.  
   
"Fuck me Bill..."she panted breathlessly in between kisses. "Fuck me hard... Make me your whore."  
   
Bill frowned and pulled away, the taste of whiskey faintly lingering in his mouth.  
"Hillary, stop this." He held her firm by the shoulders. "You're drunk! This isn't...this isn't you..." he shook his head slowly.  
   
Hillary sat back and scoffed incredulously.

"This isn't me? What the fuck d'you mean Billy? Don’tcha wanna fuck me?"

She lay back seductively and caressed her breasts. "Put your mouth over these, hmm?"

She lifted one of Bills large hands and placed it between her legs and rubbed it up and down her wet centre. She gasped lightly.  
"...Dontcha wanna put your long fingers inside me baby? Make me cum?  Mmm...make me cum like one of your whores..."   
   
Bill snatched his hand away angrily "What the shit Hillary! Why are you talking like that?! And what the fuck are you thinking drinking in your condition?! I know-"  
   
"You know what Bill?? Tell me?” She sat up, wincing a little at the kick aimed at her from the inside.  
   
Bill sat silently. He knew she was hurting. And there was nothing he could say or do to fix this.  
   
“Yeah…that’s what I thought”  
   
She rolled over and pushed herself up off the edge of the bed. He watched her swaying as she grabbed hold of the tumbler. Horrified, he leapt up but before he could stop her, she had emptied the amber liquid into her mouth.  
   
“For fuck sake Hillary stop that!” Bill knocked the tumbler out of her hand which clunked noisily and rolled under the bed. “I know how you feel but you cannot fucking drink this away! You need to talk to me honey. We can figure something out", he pleaded.  
   
“What exactly do you ‘know’ about what I think or feel??" Her eyes flashed with rage as she prodded a finger into his chest. “Huh? Why don’t you enlighten me?”  
   
Bill clenched his jaw as she continued, words slurring.  
   
“You’ll fuck all your little whores but you won’t fuck me…Am I tainted? Huh? Do I disgust you?” she smiled ruefully but the tones of bitter resentment laced every syllable.

"Hillary" Bill implored, trying to keep calm. "We can talk about everything I've done later. I promise. But right now, 'this' is about how you're feeling and what that bastard has done to you. You're not tainted. Do you hear me? You have to stop thinking that about you."

Hillary smirked. "You been colluding with Page? You think I'm crazy too...I don't need to see a shrink!" she snarled.

Bill shook his head. He wasn't getting through to her.  
"Honey, you’re pregnant. I will support every decision you make but I will not watch you harm yourself or your baby like this.”  
   
Hillary laughed in his face. “Thissss...isn't my baby…”  
   
He watched her try to unsteadily turn around but grabbed hold of her shoulders. If only to keep her from stepping on the broken glass. He turned her around to face him and looked deeply into her hazy eyes.  
   
“You listen to me. This baby may not be mine, but I will love it and vow to take care of it…of him or her, until my dying breath because –“  
Hillary rolled her eyes and looked away. Bill chose to ignore this.  
“…because” he emphasised, “it is a part of you. Your flesh and blood.”  
   
“Bullshit. The minute it’s here, you’ll fuck off too. Or have one of your ‘mummy issues’ and end up with a slut young enough to be your daughter.” She spat.  
She tried to shrug him off but he caught hold of her arm.  
   
“You’re drunk. Sit down. I’ll make you a coffee.” His voice was quiet but grave.

“You don’t tell me what to do” she hissed back.  
   
A struggled ensued between the couple as Hillary tried to pull away from Bill’s firm grip. Bill however was adamant not to let her go.

“Hillary…stop…pulling…”  
   
“Fuck you Bill!…Let me go!” Hillary was a wild woman, screeching and pushing relentlessly.  
   
“You’ll hurt yourself! There’s fucking glass everywhere!”  
   
No sooner had he spoken, he watched as she slipped on a wet patch on the flooring, falling backwards. His grip on her was not tight enough, and he found himself landing heavily on top with a thud.  
   
***

Hillary saw white as a pain seared through her shoulder. She couldn't breath. The wind had been knocked out of her.  
'Oh God'. She closed her eyes tightly. She was back in her office on that cold October night. The weight bearing down on her. His large frame overpowering her, rendering her immobile. His face was inches above hers. She couldn't look. Eyes tight, she fought. Hard. Her arms thrashed against him. 'No, no, no, not again...' her mind screamed but nothing came out. Her head was spinning. She was going to be sick.

***

"Oh my God, baby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...!"   
Bill's body hovered above her petite frame terrified he had hurt her.  She had gone ghostly pale. He could see that she was gasping for air and tried to cradle her face to calm her. This only aggravated her futher, forcing her to thrash her arms in panic.   
"Baby, it's me. It's only me...Open your eyes...you're ok....you're ok..." His soothing tones fell on seemingly deaf ears. He quickly scrambled up and off of Hillary when he heard saw her eyes suddenly open.

"No!" a thin strangled voice escaped her before she rolled over onto her side and curled up into the foetal position as best as she could. A deep sob emanated from within her, startling Bill.  
He watched heartbroken as her body shook violently before the the torrent of pain within her was unleashed. 

***

Her eyes burned as hot tears pooled and trickled down her cheeks before she could even blink. She couldn't move. Even if she wanted to. Her body felt heavy and she was sure she was going to vomit at any moment.  
She felt Bill at her side, and his gentle hand brush her hair out of her face. His strong arms scooped her up and placed her on the soft surface of their bed.  
He carefully inspected her body to make sure she hadn't cut herself on the shards. There was no visible blood on the floor or her clothing so he was somewhat satisfied.

Bill didn't sleep that night. He held her close as she sobbed into her pillow for what seemed like hours. No words were needed. He couldn't imagine the pain she had been suffering, but was grateful that she finally broke down her barriers. Albeit in a reckless way.  
He held her hair away from her face as she vomited the alcohol out of her system and wiped her tear stained face clean. Then cradling her close as she finally fell into an exhausted sleep.

His excitement turned to immediate sorrow the first time he felt her baby kick against his resting hand. Hillary shifted in her sleep to get comfortable. Bill felt the movement within her belly and tenderly rubbed his hand in circular motions. This seemed to placate the life within her.   
He understood Hillary's resentment but he prayed that she find peace with her baby. He would not admit it out loud to her until he was sure she felt the same but he was already in love with the child growing inside of her. 

***

Hillary groaned and swallowed. Her mouth felt as though it had been stuffed with cotton wool and her throat as though it has been sandpapered. She slowly opened her eyes to find her husband's pale blue eyes looking down in concern.   
Her head was throbbing. She brought an arm up to cover her eyes to allow them to adjust. She felt so ashamed. 

"I'm sorry Bill..." her chin trembled as a fresh batch of tears slowly trickled down.

"No, no baby. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry your hurting so much. I'm sorry I'm the cause of that. I don't know how to fix this. I just want you happy, my love". 

They lay together in one another's embrace for a while longer.

"Bill?"

"Sweetheart?" 

"I can't do this anymore"

Bill frowned. Unsure of what she meant.

"Do what baby?"

"I want to drop the charges".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok please don't hate me!  
> I don't know if Hillary turning to drink is out of character or not but that is my interpretation of how she may react once she hits rock bottom....xx


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I am back with an update and apologise for (again) leaving it so long!
> 
> Thank you to everyone encouraging me and messaging to ask for updates, it really means alot that you enjoy this. I promise I will not leave this fic unfinished and will try to update more frequently (famous last words!)
> 
> This chapter is a little rusty as it took a little but of time to get back into the headspace to write this so apologies.  
> Nonetheless, I do hope you enjoy it.
> 
> As ever, feedback and comments are encouaraged. xx

"Hill, honey, we have to go."

 

Bill leaned over the mass under the duvet and shook it gently.

 

Hillary kept her eyes closed, hoping he would go away. She was exhausted.

 

Bill sighed. He knew she could hear him "...Hillary you  _promised_."

 

"Bill..." she replied groggily. "I'm fine. I just need to sleep."

 

 "No Hillary. It's been two days. Now Dr Page is expecting us in an hour." He spoke a little harsher than he had intended to however it was borne purely out of concern.

 

He pulled the duvet down slowly, revealing his wife's pale face and dishevelled locks.

 

Hillary groaned and shifted slightly. She was getting irritated. "It's spotting Bill. It's normal. I had it with Chelsea too"

 

"You were almost twenty years younger with Chelsea..."

 

* * *

 

"When did you notice the blood?"

 

"Erm... I'm not too sure" Hillary grim faced, hands clasped tightly on her lap.

 

"Saturday morning." Bill replied.

 

"Alright...was it after anything particular? Heavy lifting...exercise...?"

 

"No."

 

"Yes." 

 

They answered simultaneously, staring wide eyed at one another.

 

Dr Page raised an eyebrow.

 

Hillary sighed. "I fell."

 

She and Bill exchanged another tense glance before she continued. "I had been drinking."

 

Bill cleared his throat. "Hillary tripped over something. I tried to catch her but...well we both fell together. I think I landed on top of my wife."

 

Hillary could feel her cheeks reddening but stared ahead.

 

"Ok, and have you experienced any pain, Hillary? Cramping? Nausea?"

 

Hillary shook her head. “Just back pain, but I’ve had that for a few months now.”  She tried to swallow a lump in her throat. “I can still feel movement.”

 

"Let’s get you checked over and put your mind at rest" Page smiled encouragingly at the couple. “I’ll take some bloods Hillary, and we’ll carry out a quick scan and internal.”

 

Hillary nodded.

 

* * *

 

 

She closed her eyes as Dr Page applied the cool gel to her stomach. Her hands felt clammy.  She could hear the blood rushing through her ears and her heart beginning to pick up pace.

 

Bill stood by her side, his eyes were fixated on her rounded belly. This was the first time he had seen her bare torso fully since before her pregnancy. He couldn’t believe the changes her body had gone through again in just a few short months. Her stomach seemed larger in this exposed state than when covered up with clothing, the skin taught and glowing.

 

The Dr’s voice broke his reverie and he looked up. His breath caught in his throat as his eyes rested upon the screen. There it was, perfectly outlined. Small features almot visable. Her baby.  _Their_  baby.

 

“…It doesn’t appear to be in any distress…" Page advised as she observed the screen. "There’s a strong, healthy heartbeat. The baby _is_ protected by a thick amniotic sac which acts as a cushion and keeps it safe should the mother come to any harm…”

 

“But what about the bleeding?” Bill asked.

 

“It’s not uncommon to find some spotting or bleeding as the pregnancy continues. Your internal doesn’t indicate there being anything wrong either Hillary. In saying that, I’m glad you came to get it checked out.” She smiled.

 

Hillary let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She hadn’t hurt it…. but why did she care? It wasn’t hers. Now might even be the time to-

 

“Hillary?”

 

“Hmmm?” She opened her eyes to find to both Bill and Dr Page looking at her inquiringly.

 

“I asked if you would like to know the sex now?”

 

“Oh…no, I don’t think so.” She saw Bills face fall. “…But, If you want Bill, you can find out once I go to the restroom.”

 

She regretted the words almost instantly as his expression lit up, beaming with excitement.

 

“Oh my God, honey…” Bill was overwhelmed with a rush of love for her. He reached out and took her hand into his own, squeezing in gratitude. 

She smiled weakly in return.

 

* * *

 

Once she was dressed, they sat back down.

 

"Keep taking your vitamins Hillary and I am prescribing you a week's bedrest-"

 

"No, I can't, I have a hearing at the Senate on -"

 

"You can certainly work from home but I strongly advise that you rest, just to err on the side of caution. We have discussed this previously but as an older mother, your pregnancy is already classed as 'high risk'."

 

Hillary looked away, feeling like a little girl being reprimanded by her teacher.

 

"We understand Dr, thank you". Bill replied, gently patting Hillary's knee as reassurance.

 

Dr Page smiled sympathetically. "Given your...'circumstances', have you thought any more about taking up councelling? For yourself and as a couple? I remember you had said you would speak to Bill?" 

 

Hillary suddenly felt uncomfortably hot. She had immediately dismissed the idea when Page first mentioned it and didn't bother bringing it up with Bill. "Well...I uh-"

 

"I wanted to think it over. As you can understand Dr Page, our privacy is imperative. Especially taking our positions into consideration."

 

"Oh, absolutely. Please take your time. I _do_ think it would be beneficial to you both to talk about a truama such as this."

 

They both nodded and made to gather their belongings. Hillary stopped and turned to Dr Page.

 

"ActualIy, I...I wanted to get some information on terminating a pregnancy".

 

* * *

* * *

 

Bill observed her from the distance as she rested on the sofa, a light shawl draped over her and files and paperwork surrounding her. Her hair looked softer, luminous and thick, framing her face. Her closed lids caused her eyelashes to cast elongated shadows on her slightly fuller cheeks. Looking at her, he would say she was glowing. 

 

"Honey, are you awake? I made you some ginger tea." He walked into the large living room carrying a tray.

 

"Yeah..." she mumbled. "I'm just resting my eyes."

 

"I noticed you came down early to work." Bill placed the tray on the table in front of them."You should have woken me, I'd have brought your things up to bed for you." he said softly. He didn't want to push her, but all the same, wished she would heed Dr Page's instructions from the previous day.

 

"I needed a change of scenery Bill. I only walked down the stairs, not rearranged furniture." Hillary replied wryly as she sat up to make herself more comfortable." She sighed in contentment as she sipped the hot liquid. "Thank you".

 

Sitting closer closer to her now, Bill noted that whilst her hair was indeed thicker and her face fuller, she has developed dark circles around her eyes. Her once vibrant blue orbs were lacklustre and her skin was pale and had taken on a dull sheen . He wanted to reach out and embrace her into his arms. To comfort her and tell her everything would be alright, that she was safe with him. But he couldn't. 

 

"Hillary?"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"I'm sorry".

 

Hillary looked up at him, surprised. "What for?"

 

"I failed you. I promised to keep you safe.  But I couldn't..." His voice cracked as the guilt crept up on him and cut through him like a sledgehammer. He tried blinking away tears.

 

Hillary's face softened and she set her cup down, turning slightly to face him. "Oh Bill...this wasn't...you couldn't have prevented this". She shrugged helplessly before reaching out and wiping a tear with her thumb. "Honey, please don't blame yourself."

 

"I should have protected you. I'm sorry. All I've ever done is hurt you..." He broke down, no longer able to hold his own feelings of failure in.

 

"Oh my God, Bill, no..." She cradled him into her arms as best as she could. "You've loved me and protected me in ways that nobody ever could... and I wouldn't trade my life with you for anything in the world".

 

Bill leaned in, grateful to feel her softness comforting him. " You deserve better Hillary. I'll sign your divorce papers, I just want you to be happy. I love you so much".

 

Hillary blinked away her own tears, shushing him as she ran her fingers through his hair. "Sweetheart, let's not worry about that right now, okay? I'm with you. That's all that matters. I don't mean to shut you out...I'm...I'm just so scared..."  Her chin trembled but she tried to keep her composure.

 

Bill sat up, wiping roughly at his face. He felt like a fool. She was suffering, yet here she was, comforting him. He looked into her eyes and saw the deep pain she had been harbouring.

 

"Please talk to me Hillary? I can't bear to see you like this...I just don't know how to fix this" he sniffed.

 

Hillary suddenly felt exposed and broke eye contact. She shook her head almost dimissively. "It's fine, I've just been so tired lately and...once I get everything fixed,  I'll be fine" she nodded, assuring herself.

 

"By 'fixed', you mean the termination..." Bill said quietly.

 

Hillary didn't respond. 

 

"Dr Page said that at seven months,  you are too far gone to get one in the United States unless you or the baby were at risk."

 

"I remember what she said."

 

"So what then? You'll go to China?"

 

Hillary sighed and looked back at him. "Colorado. I've asked Huma do some research into a few places."

 

A heavy feeling settled into the pit of her stomach as she watched the colour drain from Bill's face. She took a large hand into her own.

 

"Honey, it's for the best. For all of us."

 

Bill shook his head desperately. "Hillary, please think about this. We have a second chance. After Chelsea, we never thought this would happen to us again. Why don't we try the councelling? Surely that will help us. Help us _both_..."

 

Hillary looked at him, wide eyed. "Bill... _we_ don't have this 'second chance'. It isn't ours. Don't you understand?!" she asked increduously. "Could you really bear to bring up _his_ child? Could you put your hand on your heart and say that you would not be filled with contempt and disgust everytime you looked at it? That you wouldn't see his face eveytime? I can't Bill. I  _want_ to feel something,  _anything_ for it. I can't. I hate it being inside me, everytime it moves or kicks, I just..." She clenched a fist in anger, her breathing having quickened with this outburst. "I  _know_ it's probably irrational, but the sooner I can get it removed, the quicker I... _we_ can move on and begin to heal."

 

Bill sat in shocked silence. He knew she was struggling with the pregnancy, but had not realised the extent of her feelings. He swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded slowly.

 

"I'll support whatever you want to do Hillary and I will stand by you 100%."

 

Hillary saw the sincerity in his yes and smiled softy in appreciation, resting her head on his shoulder.

 

"But baby, knowing who you are as a person, you're so good and decent with such a big heart. I just know you would fall in love with her the moment you hold her in your arms."

 

Hillary snatched her hand away and stood up. She felt as though she had been doused with cold water and glared at Bill.

 

"You bastard." She said coldly as she made her way up to her bedroom.

 

* * *

 

Hillary stormed into her bedroom and slammed the door shut. 

 

'How could he? How could he do that?' She paced the floor for something to do. Her anger further fuelled by a succession of sharp kicks to her ribs. 

 

'Stop it! Just stop it!' she screamed internally at it as she grabbed at her own hair in frustration. 'Please, just stop...' 

 

Hillary stopped to gather herself and collapsed wearily on her bed. She knew the more upset she got herself, the worse the movements would become. Closing her eyes, and taking a few deep relaxing breaths , Hillary rubbed her stomach in small circular motions. 

 

"I'm sorry". It was barely a whisper. She wasn't sure who she was even apologising to. Herself? God? To Bill? But deep down she knew. She had acknowledged it. Her. She ackowledged ' _Her'_. A little girl.

 

Her chin trembled as she squeezed her eyes  shut, willing the hot tears to go away. A deep sob escaped, surprising even Hillary as she tried to stifle the sounds into a pillow. 

 

'Please forgive me, little one...' Her whole body shook as she wept, griefstricken at her own decision.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi All.
> 
> Thank you SO much for all of your lovely and kind comments for my last update. I wasn't sure there would be much interest after the very long gap between updates but you have all been SO kind.
> 
> RacingHeart1926, this one is for you -- I'm sure you'll know why.
> 
>  
> 
> As ever, all feedback and comments are encouraged!

Hillary spent the next week in her bedroom, working and sleeping. The  bleeding had stopped days before but being completely honest with herself, she did not have the energy to do much else. What a contrast to her pregnancy with Chelsea, she would think ruefully. She had all the energy in the world, and her love for her baby shone in her face. 'Glowing' they all called it.

 

She didn't even want to see Bill for the moment. He would come in and sit with her, talking as though nothing were wrong. She rarely responded other than the occasional mumble or one-word answer.

She hated being this sort of person with Bill, but was angry at him. They could always talk things through, even in their anger, which more often than not, led to hours of screaming matches. Nonetheless, they would come to a resolution.

But she truly did not have anything to say. She knew he did it intentionally. Bill was a master politician and a great manipulator. He knew that revealing the gender would force her to develop a connection of sorts. That was the last thing she wanted at this stage. 

 

She felt empty. Numb. She had lost herself and felt that there was only one way to come back from that.

Huma had done all the necessary research. All she had to now do was to pick the most suitable clinic and book and appointment.

 

‘Knock-knock’.

 

Hillary looked up as Bill entered holding a tray and set it down on the table next to her.

“I made you some supper Hill. Margaret is on holiday today so…it’s not the best but…” He shrugged self-consciously.

Hillary gave him a mere glance and went back to her work.

Bill hovered for a couple of seconds before leaving without another word.

She frowned a little. That was odd. He would normally stay and talk to her. Not that he got much conversation back. In fact, he barely spoke when he brought her lunch earlier either…

 

The aroma of the food caused her stomach to growl loudly and Hillary realised that she was in fact, very hungry. Lifting the tray on to her lap, she uncovered the dish. A light snort escaped her from her.

A double boca burger, sweet potato fries, a jar of jalapenos and of course, her bottle of hot sauce.  Whilst it was not the healthiest dish, it most definitely had Bill all over it.

 

* * *

Hillary had to admit, her dinner had hit just the right spot. He always knew what she needed, even before she did. A pang of guilt shot through her as she considered her treatment of her husband in the past week. He only meant well.

 

‘Shall we go and look for Bill…?’ She pondered as she manoeuvred out of bed. Hillary took the kick against her abdomen as agreement. Standing up was a relief. She stretched her body, alleviating herself of some of her aches and strains.

 

She picked up her empty tray and made her way down the stairs to their large kitchen, surprised to find it empty.

 

“Bill?” She called out, setting her dishes on the counter top.

 

No answer.

 

“Bill, where are you?” Hillary yelled as she walked to the living room and then the dining room.

 

He seemed nowhere to be found.

 

Seeing the late evening sun streaming into the spacious hallways , Hillary decided to venture out into the garden for a little fresh air. She felt as though she had been cooped up in bed for an eternity.

 

Stepping out the back doors and onto the grass, Hillary shivered a little in her pyjamas as a cool breeze brushed past her. It was not unpleasant however. Wriggling her bare toes on the grass, she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, taking the fresh air into her lungs before exhaling. The calm of the outdoors and the sounds of the birds chirping was immensely soothing.

 

Peering into the distance, she noticed movement in the shed at the back of the garden. A flash of  salt and pepper hair bobbing past the window confirmed who it was.

 

“Bill…” She shouted as she neared the shed. “I’ve been looking for you. Where have…” Hillary’s voice trailed to a stop  as she got closer to the door.  What was that noise? She frowned and cocked her ear towards the door. He was talking… no, yelling? She hadn’t heard anybody coming in.  Walking round to the windows, she could see the back of his head, a phone up to his ear. She jumped as he slammed his large fist down on the worktop, rattling a few tools.

 

Feeling apprehensive now, Hillary stepped back. Whilst she did not like to eavesdrop, Bill’s demeanour had her a little worried. Cracking the door open a little, she called out softly.

 

“Bill, are you ok?”  He hadn’t heard her. But she could now clearly make out his conversation.

 

“…I’m just so angry, Michael. How could this happen? How could I let it?!"  There was a slight catch in his voice. " I failed her so badly...she's my wife. What kind of a man can't protect his own family?"

She watched as his shoulders shook and a deep sob came from within him. "My daddy was right. I  _am_ worthless. She deserves so much better..."

 

Hillary brought a hand to her mouth in shock. She wanted to run in and comfort him. To take him into her arms and tell him that he was more than enough for her. However she  felt she had to stop herself so as not to intrude on what was clearly a very personal moment for him.

 

Bill squared his shoulders and nodded. "No you're right...Thank you...I just didn't know who else to turn to, it's been so...so hard." He replied, sobbing softly now.

 

 

He stood up suddenly. Not wanting to be caught like this, Hillary made a hasty retreat back inside.

 

Bill turned around sharply, sure he saw something from the corner of his vision. "Yeah...sorry, I'm here...I just thought I saw something." He wiped his face roughly. "Thanks for calling back Doc...I appreciate it...I will. Bye".

 

Bill ended the call and tucked the phone back into his pocket. He sat back down dejected, shoulders slumped, head bowed and picked up some documents from the worktop in front of him. He stared at them expressionless.

 

* * *

 

The package had arrived the night before with the rest of the mail. He hadn't though much of it when he first opened it - a dozen or so grainy photographs . He leafed through casually, making a mental note to speak to his team about what mail to direct to him and what to pass along.

 

A small square of paper slipped out and fluttered to the floor. Bill picked it up.

 

**_'President Clinton,_ **

****

**_Thank you for sharing. '_ **

 

Bill frowned, turning the note over for more information. Nothing.

 

Turning back to the first photo, he narrowed his eyes and stared intently. It was obviously taken  by a night-vision camera and at a height as though looking on down from a floor higher up . A room of some sort…

He flicked over to the next photo, hoping to get a better look. A flicker of recognition passed his eyes. It wasn’t a ‘ _a room’_ , it was Hillary’s office. Her  _old_  office to be precise.

 

Apprehensively, Bill flicked over to the third photo. Eyes scanning wildly, until he saw it. Breath hitching in his thoat. He could see her. Small but clearly visable. His face went ashen. She was sat on her sofa, undressed and dishevelled. A large black figure looming over her, her hair caught in his fist. His stomach began to churn as he moved on to the next photograph.

 

He let out an anguished cry and dropped the photo as though it had scalded his fingertips. Like a cruel cosmic joke, the photo landed face up, illuminated further by the ceiling light hitting it at just the right angle. He felt sick but couldn't look away.

 

Hillary was on the floor, eyes squeezed shut, a pained expression on her face. A large black mass lay on top of her, covering her body almost entirely and a hand splayed over her mouth. 

 

The next few photographs, equally horrific, were simply different stages of Hillary's rape. Bill could feel his rage bubbling inside him. He wanted to scream, to hit something. To hit _somebody._ He wanted to make Luciano suffer. To die a death so prolonged and agonising, he would beg, but receive no mercy.

Instead, he ran to the bathroom, vomiting his dinner back into the toilet. 

 

Bill couldn't bear to look at Hillary for the next few days. He felt so ashamed and unworthy of her. This had not gone by unnoticed by Hillary, who attributed this to the phonecall she overheard but was afraid to let it be known that she had done so.

 

* * *

 

Hillary yawned loudly. She needed a break. In fact, having glanced at the clock above the fireplace and seeing that it was almost midnight, she realised she needed to stop working for the night, full stop. 

 

Standing up and gathering all her paperwork and folders in her arms, her bump, she noted, aided in balancing everything quite neatly. She was almost at the top of the stairs when she lost her footing and tripped forward. 

She let out a loul yelp  but managed to steady herself. Her folders however, tumbled down heavily and landed with a thump.

 

"Oh no..." She groaned out loud. She didn't quite have it in her to bend down and gather everything up again. Nevertheless, she did.  

No sooner had she got to her knees, she heard a door slam and hurried footstep come her way.

 

"Hillary?! Oh my God, are you ok? Are you hurt??" 

 

She looked up to find a wide eyed and frantic looking Bill stumbling towards her. 

 

"Oh Bill, no, I'm fine", she replied as he helped her back up. " I dropped my things..." she gestured to the folders strewn around her feet.

 

"I heard a noise. I thought you had hurt yourself", he explained. "As long as you're alright Hill. I'll let you get some rest" he turned and walked back towards his bedroom.

 

Another pang of guilt shot through Hillary. He looked so despondent. She didn't understand what was going on with him. She grabbed onto a hand and tugged gently.

 

"Bill...?" 

 

He turned around confused.

 

"Stay with me tonight?" She implored softly.

 

Bill's stomach somersaulted. "Hillary I don-"

 

"Please?"

 

Bill nodded " Anything for you, love."

 

* * *

 

Hilary sighed as she lay in the dark, head nestled on Bill's chest.

 

"Thank you Bill."

 

"Don't be silly, honey." He pulled her in closer to him, rubbing her back ." You never have to thank me for anything"

 

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry for everything Billy. I'm sorry for shutting you out".

 

Bill opened his eyes and shook his head slowly. "Hillary, I never want to hear you apololgising to me or anybody else. Ever again. _I'm_  the one who owes you an apology, baby. I'm sorry. I should've...." The photos flashed through his mind. " I should've protected you..."

 

Eyes now adjusted to the darkness, Hillary lifted her head up a little to look him in the face. "No, no Bill. You have to stop this. Do you hear me? You couldn't have prevented this."

 

Bill turned away, too ashamed to look at her, to be confronted with her forgiveness, her kindness and strength.

 

Soft hands reached out and and turned his face back to hers. Her sapphire blue eyes bore into him, even in the dark. He saw her  come closer and closer still, until their lips met in a tender kiss.

 

Bill felt himself responding, but pulled away, panicked almost. "Hillary, you don't have to do this, not for me. If you never want to do any of this again, I'll understand". 

 

Hillary frowned and shook her head. "Why are you saying this?" Then a though occurred to her. Perhaps Bill _did_ feel that she was tainted now. Used goods.

Almost as though he had read her thoughts, Bill continued. "Honey, I don't wan't to make you do anything or for you to feel that you have to do this. Not for me."

 

Bringing a finger to his mouth, she shushed him and leaned forward to plant another gentle kiss on his lips. Followed by another. Until their lips were caressing the others softly and continuously.

 

Hillary broke the kiss, their lips swollen and tingling. She trailed small  kisses from his neck, up along his cheek and to his earlobe.

 

"Bill", she whispered. "I want you to make love to me..."

 

She felt Bill's shoulders stiffen. He didn't respond. She placed another kiss on his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder, taking hand into her own. Their fingers intertwined.

 

"I don't want us to lose ourselves...but I understand if you don't want to...to touch me anymore..."

 

Bill swallowed a lump. He didn't know how to respond. She continued however.

 

"...I'd be disgusted too." Sadness and resignation lacing every word.

 

Pain stabbed though his heart and he sat up, bringing her fully into his embrace.

 

"Oh Hillary..." Tears welled in his eyes. Is this how he had made her feel? Disgusting? Unloved? "No, baby...God no. I love you now more than I've ever loved you. I'm just...I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to be like him."

 

"I can't let him come between us anymore. You couldn't be like him if you tried, honey..." She brought his hand to her mouth and kissed his palm. "You have honour and dignity and kindness..."

 

"I don't deserve you..." he cried softly into her hair.

 

Hillary rubbed his shoulders comfortingly. "You're all I've ever wanted and needed, sweetheart"

 

She disengaged from him and with a deep breath, brought his hands up to her chest. "Touch me..."

 

Bill let out a small moan at the feel of the full, soft flesh. He traced his fingers lightly over the thin fabric covering her breasts.

 

"You're so beautiful Hillary."

 

He brushed a thumb over her hardened peaks. She gasped, causing him to quickly pull his hands away. "I'm sorry, are you ok?"

 

"Honey, I'm fine. It was nice...don't stop..."

 

Hillary's heart was racing. She had to do this. For _them_. She was not going to let Him control her life or her marriage. Not anymore. She couldn't bear to see Bill so broken, and know that she was the cause.

 

Hands clammy and trembling, she lifted her nightdress up over her head and tossed it on to the floor, leaving her completely unclothed

 

Both husband and wife, stilled in their movements, neither sure how to proceed with an act that once came so naturally and instinctively.

 

With a shaky breath, Hillary lay back against the headboard, pillows supporting her back.

 

Bill's eyes were transfixed on her. He had never seen her look as beautiful as she did in this moment, so womanly and sensual. He lifted  a large hand and soft as a feather, ran his fingers over her breasts and down along her stomach, marvelling at the swell and feel or the hardened muscles.

 

'That's his baby',  a small voice told him. He shook his head. Right now, he was in this moment with her. And she wanted him there.

 

Bill leaned forward and locked their lips in another kiss. This time, he sought, and was granted, access into her mouth. Tentatively their tongues found one another, massaging and tickling, nibbling gently...

 

He heard her whimper and broke the kiss. His thumb caressed the apple of of her cheek as he looked directly into her eyes.

 

"We'll do this at your pace. If you want me to stop, just say the word."

 

Hillary's heart jumped with love for him. She nodded in response.

 

Bill proceeded to shower her body with kisses. Images of her injuries, already burned into his memory, flashed before his eyes. He made sure to replace every scratch, every bruise and every bite mark with his love.

 

Hillary closed her eyes, and took deep, heavy breaths. 

 

'This is my husband. My soulmate', she chanted internally, almost as a mantra. His gentleness was stirring something inside her that she never believed she would ever feel again.

 

She felt Bill's weight shift on the bed and opened her eyes sharply. He was hovering above her, his mouth at her breasts, hand slipping further south. She instinctively squeezed her thighs together and felt herself begining to push him off before catching herself.

 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry", she gasped in a panic.

 

Bill looked up alarmed. "I'm sorry baby, did I hurt you?"

 

"No...no, it's ok...your hands are cold..." she lied. 

 

'It's not a lie' she reasoned to herself. He hand't hurt her.

 

Bill frowned, concerned and anxious himself. "Do you wan't to stop?"

 

She bit her lip and shook her head. "No...No".

 

Slowly, she parted her thighs, allowing Bill access to her most private of parts.

 

Bill felt his own nerves as his fingers skittled past her soft mound of curls and gently come to rest upon her heat. He ran a finger down past her clit and down her lips. She was, he was relieved to find, slick and swollen. He felt his own member throbbing in response to her earthy scent.

 

Hillary sighed in contentment. He was going slow and gentle, remembering where to touch, where to apply pressure. She whimpered and reached out to grasp Bills free hand when she felt one of his long, elegant fingers parting her and slowly slip in. Her pulse began to race as she felt a familiar tight knot building within her.

 

"Bill...I need you..."

 

Bill nodded in understanding and discarded of his own clothing before lying down next to her to allow her to spoon him. He nuzzled her neck and lifted a smooth leg over his. Positioning the head of his penis at the heat of her entrance, he groaned into her ear, sending tremors reverberating through her.

 

She grabbed on to one of his hands tightly, bracing herself. 

 

"Bill I'm scared." She blurted. Hot tears stung her eyes. 

 

Bill withdrew himself quickly. "Oh honey, shhh, don't upset yourself. We don't have to do anything you don't want to. I'm sorry..." he soothed.

 

Hillary sniffed into her pillow. "You don't understand Bill, I need to get him out of me." Her shoulders shuddered as she cried softly. "I want to be cleansed of him". 

Bill pulled her into his embrace, planting tiny kisses on her back and running his fingers through her long silky locks. He didn't know what he could possibly say to comfort her.

 

"I want _you_   to be my memory, Bill. Not him". She wiped her tears and kissed his cheek. "I'm ready."

 

Bill's heart was breaking for her. The photographs flashed before him. The bastard had tried to break his Hillary, but he hadn't counted on her resilience and strength.

"We don't need to do this, baby."

 

"I want to..."

 

Bill nodded and  repositioned him at her entrance. "I'll go slow, ok?"

 

Hillary squeezed her eyes shut and bit her bottom lip. She felt him, opening her, sliding in slowly...she waited for the pain, the searing. Did she feel it? She couldn't tell the difference between pain or pleasure at the moment. He whispered words of love and comfort as he withdrew before sliding in a little deeper each time. 

 

Bill went slow, working to her body rather than his own needs. He was in her fully now but chose to stay still in order to allow her to adjust. 

 

"You tell me when you're ready, my love."

 

He felt Hillary relax into him and reach an arm round  to his hips. Taking her cue, he began a slow, steady rhythm. 

 

Fresh tears welled in Hillary's eyes and rolled down her cheeks. His strong body felt right against hers, fitting every ridge and curve as though it were a part of her. There was no pain or burning from his movements, no harshness in his motions or words. Just love. 

 

Gentle moans filled the air as both felt themselves building to their release, there was no urgency however. Right now, all Hillary knew was that he was loving her from the inside out, purging her of her violation. 

 

Suddenly she felt it, the coil unravelling.

 

"Oh Bill..." she gasped as her climax hit her. Long and slow, rolling through her body both with an intensity and gentleness she hadn't anticipated. Every thrust from Bill keeping the momentum going until she felt him swell and release his essence into her.

 

That was how they fell asleep that night, enterwined within one anothers arms. Whilst they knew they had many decisions and obstacles ahead, all that mattered was this moment in time. The reconnection of two halves of one soul that was ripped apart by a cruel act of vengence.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes... I know it's been a while. I'm sorry. 
> 
> If you are still interested, I value all feedback and comments. xx

_Thud! – Thud! – Thud! – Thud!_ …

Hillary shook her head, trying to drown out the sound of her own heartbeat thumping in her ears. She took a sip of water, but still her tongue felt dry and swollen.

Staring out the window of the car as the scenery rolled by, she observed how pleasant the countryside looked. Lush and green with the sun shining down. People out and about their daily business. Glancing at her watch, she noted it was almost 11:00am. Just another normal day.

Bill had prepared her a breakfast few hours earlier. She didn’t eat it. She couldn’t. There was small talk in between coffee and catching up on the daily news. And then he kissed her goodbye before she left.

Normal.

She tried to swallow, but the lump wouldn’t dissipate. Leaning into the car intercom, she spoke quietly.

“Michael, will you make sure we go to the back entrance please.”

“Yes ma’am. Miss Abedin has provided us with explicit instructions.”

Hillary nodded and sat back.

* * *

 

His office was pleasant, she thought as she wrung her hands. Warm. She almost wished for bare, white walls. Clinical.

She could see his mouth moving. He was talking to her. But the words… she couldn’t formulate the sounds to make any meaningful words. A sharp jab in her abdomen brought her back.

“I-I’m sorry, could you say that again?”

Dr Marable, a handsome, distinguished looking man with a kind face, smiled at her in understanding.

“Of course, I was explaining that the induction will be physically taxing so you will require bed rest for a few days thereafter. Is there anybody at home who will be able to help out? If not, we can arrange for your recuperation right here at our facility.”

Observing the pale faced woman sitting across from him, Dr Marable was surprised to find that she was much smaller and softer looking in person. She was not in one of her trademark pantsuits or had her hair coiffed to perfection, but still, instantly recognisable as one half of a power couple.

At this moment however, she was no different to any other woman who had visited his clinic and he would afford her that respect and privacy.

“Erm, yes… my husband can help”. She replied quietly.

“Will your husband be accompanying you today?”

“No.” Her blue eyes downcast.

“Is there anything else at all you would like to discuss or have you any questions about the procedure, Mrs Brown?”

Hillary shook her head and bit her lip. She had seen and heard enough. She didn’t need to dissect every detail.

Dr Marable stood up as a nurse walked in. “Linda will show you to your suite and get you prepared once you are settled in.”

* * *

 

‘What have I done? Oh my God, what have I done?’ Hillary thought panicking, her chest heaving as she took a succession of short, shallow breaths.

Beads of perspiration formed on her face and forehead. She felt sick, lightheaded. What was taking so long?? She winced as she felt a cramp in her stomach. Tears blurred her vision and a sob she had been trying to suppress escaped her. She lifted a trembling hand when the door flew open.

* * *

 

“Hillary??” Bill stood at their back door, confused at the sight before him. “Hillary wh-what are you doing here?? I thought you said you’d be back in two days?“

It was only 4:00pm of the same day as her departure.

Hillary didn’t seem to hear him. Instead flinging herself into his arms. “I’m sorry Bill, I’m so sorry”, she sobbed repeatedly.

Bill blinked in confusion. “Honey, you shouldn’t standing let alone travelling straight after…” his voice trailed off. He gently rubbed her back and brought her inside. “You need to rest…I wish you had let me come with you, love”.

Hillary clung to him for dear life, her tears having soaked through his shirt. Heavy sobs wracking her chest. Bill didn’t know what to say. He had no idea how to comfort her after yet another ordeal. He stroked her hair and whispered words of comfort until she had calmed down a little.

“Sweetheart let’s get you into bed so you can rest. I’ll make you some tea and you can get some sleep.”

He helped her out of her jacket. “God you’re shivering…I knew I should have gone with you.”

“B-Biill…” Hillary hiccuped.

“Sshhh…You don’t have to explain anything to me”, he kissed her forehead and lead her through to the living room.

Hillary sat down, grateful to rest her aching legs. She looked up at Bill with glassy bloodshot eyes. “I’m sorry Bill”, she wept. “I thought I was doing the right thing…”

“You owe me no explanation, my love. You had to do what was best for you and I will support you no matter what.”

Hillary’s face crumpled again and she leaned her head into the crook of his neck. “I couldn’t do it, Bill…”

Bill stopped dead. Did he hear her right?

“Hillary?”

“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t go through with it. I wanted to…but I… I just couldn’t…” she sniffed.

Bill closed his eyes and made a silent prayer of thanks as he pulled her in tightly. “Baby, firstly, please stop apologising to me. And secondly, I have told you, I will support you with whatever you want to do. And I mean it.”

Hillary sat back and nodded, grateful to Bill for his love and kindness. He tucked a stray blonde lock behind her ears. “I got so scared…” she cried quietly.

“I know, sweetheart”. Bill reached out to wipe away her tears before caressing her swollen stomach.“ Just know this, my love. I will be with you every step of the way. This little one will be showered with love from the moment she takes her first breath to my very last.”

Hillary’s heart sank. “No Bill…” her voice was hoarse now. “I couldn’t go through with the termination. But… I don’t know if I want to keep it.” 

* * *

 

Hillary was exhausted. Her head hurt from crying and her body ached from the tension she harbored in it. She should have slept soundly, but sleep alluded her. Her mind wouldn’t switch off. Instead, tormenting her over her decision.

‘This could have been over with, Hillary…’ She despaired as she tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position. As if on cue, her baby kicked her hard, asking her to settle down, before rolling into a series of restless somersaults.

‘Sorry, sorry…’ she responded internally, rubbing her hands over her stomach in soothing circular motions. Hillary half smiled in spite of herself as she felt the movements calm.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your wonderful feedback, my lovelies. I'm always so overwhelmed by your kindness and encouragement, even after all this time!
> 
> I would also like to thank Malvacea for writing the article for me and allowing me to fiddle about with it - sometimes a fresh eye does help! And AnirtakShenwoi for casting your critical eye over it.
> 
> As ever, I look forward to your feedback and comments.
> 
> Enjoy!x

“Bill, I don’t know if this is a good idea…” Hillary mused as she inspected her reflection in the full length mirror.

 

“Hill, you look gorgeous”, Bill responded as he put on his dinner jacket.

 

Hillary tugged at the deep red, floor length crushed velvet dress. Being of naturally slim build, she was still finding it an adjustment to have had her chest increase as it had. No matter what she wore, she felt that she looked obscenely voluptuous. It did not help that every dress she wore accentuated her pregnancy which was now in its eighth month.

 

“I just can’t find anything to wear. Why don’t you go without me, hmm?” She implored at him through the mirror. " I look like I haven't slept in a month..."

 

They were due to attend a charity dinner in aid of victims of gun violence. Bill saw this as an opportunity to show everybody that he and his girl could not be broken, no matter what was thrown at them.

 

He smiled softly as he approached her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

 

“Hilly, look at me.”

 

Sparkling blue eyes met his own. “You are a vision, my love. You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And I don’t want you hiding away at home. You’re a fighter and a survivor. And I want to be the envy of every damn person in the world tonight!” He kissed her on the forehead.

 

Hillary smiled, blushing at his compliment. “I don’t look grotesque?”

 

“Weeell…. Now that you mention it…” he grimaced in jest.

 

Hillary pushed him away playfully. “Shut up, Bill”.

 

* * *

 

 

Cameras clicked and flashed from all directions as soon as they stepped out of their limousine.

 

_“Hillary! How are you feeling!”_

_“Hillary! Look this way!”_

_“How is your pregnancy!”_

 

Hillary pasted a smile on her face, ignoring the questions. Bill sensed her unease and grabbed a hold of her hand tightly, ushering them quickly along the carpet.

 

“ _How is Bill’s temper these days!”_

_“Has been violent with you again!”_

_“Why are you hiding her away, Bill!”_

 

Hillary locked eyes with Bill. ‘Just get me inside’, they pleaded.

 

Bill took hold of an arm firmly but gently whilst the other hand rested protectively at the nape of her neck, and aided by their agents, did just that.

 

Once inside and amongst friendlier territory,  both Bill and Hillary found themselves relaxing and for the first time in a long while, enjoying the evening. 

 

* * *

 

"This is fucking ridiculous!" He yelled over the breakfast table. His face red and eyes blazing with anger. "How can she get away with this?!"

 

Hillary closed her eyes. She didn't have the energy to deal with one of Bill's tantrums after such a late night.

 

"Honey, just stop reading it ok? Please?"

 

"Hillary, I might stop reading it but what about the millions out there reading - and _believing_ , this...this trash!" He jabbed at the newspaper he was holding. "This Maggie Haber-bitch-"

 

"Bill! Seriously??"

 

"She's not written a single positive editorial on any of the good work we've done, especially you. And now these blatant lies!"

 

Hillary sighed and took a sip of her tea. "I'm really not interested in reading it."

 

Bill stood up and slammed the paper next to her as he stormed out. "Well maybe you should be. And you know it wouldn't hurt you to defend me over these now and then!"

 

Hillary looked up wide eyed. "For fuck sake Bill! Why are you being like this with _me_?!" she shouted after him, but he ignored her as he stormed out the house. She  clenched her jaw and braced herself before reading the article that so incensed her husband.

 

* * *

 

**_A Sad Affair – Hillary’s career in the Senate hangs in the balance while the self-proclaimed feminist contemplates how to deal with a difficult pregnancy and abusive husband_ ** ****

**_By M. Habermann_ **

_A mere few weeks after the world caught a glimpse at the shocking photos of the bruised and battered junior Senator from New York, the former First Couple made a rare foray into the spotlight to attend  the Gun Survivors Gala. This was no doubt  an attempt by their PR team to stamp out speculations that have been running high regarding the state of affairs at the Clintons home life._

_This joint show of ‘unity’ however backfired miserably as once again, Bill Clinton’s famously possessive streak came into play. Not content with Hillary being the focus of the night, he was caught physically dragging his heavily pregnant wife away from addressing any of the questions put to her._

_Looking back at photographs and events from the couples 20 year marriage and public service careers, what once seemed to be a physically affectionate relationship – especially on the former President’s part, now has very sinister undertones.  One can’t help but think back to examples where Bill physically pawed at his wife’s arms and  body whilst she spoke to a male member of the Senate, until finally giving up and returning her attention fully to her husband._

_This historic behaviour further begs the question – **What is Hillary Clinton’s agenda?**_

_Whilst the 46 year old’s pregnancy had been confirmed via a  brief and somewhat clinical statement, very little else has been said by the either Clinton or family members about this supposedly happy news._

_For a woman who’s claim to fame is fighting for women’s rights, particularly in the workplace, her absence from her post at the Senate is notable._

_A source close to the couple commented that Hillary has been quietly planning to divorce the former president because “Bill’s shameless philandering and volatile temper— not to mention his lack of support for her own political ambitions — has long driven a wedge between them.” By the time Hillary learned about her unplanned pregnancy “they already hadn’t been speaking for weeks. They’ve been communicating through friends and lawyers.” When Bill first learned about Hillary’s plans to dissolve the marriage he lost his famously quick temper and “used his fists as a persuasion tool”. The photos of the resultant injuries speak for themselves._

_The Clinton confidant claims that the former president is not willing to let his wife divorce him and ruin his already tarnished reputation by breaking up their political alliance. “He is basically keeping the Senator cooped up at their Chappaqua home and out of sight of her constituents and the press until she gives birth.”_

_Now people are asking: What kind of message is this behaviour sending to the thousands of women who have given Mrs. Clinton their vote for Senator of New York? The kind of pseudo feminism that Hillary, who has stayed with her husband after the infamous Lewinski affair, is peddling is certainly not representing modern New York values. Her silence on the matter is deafening and hers is certainly not the kind of life that young women should aspire to in this day and age._

_**Perhaps Mrs. Clinton should consider giving up her position in the Senate and let someone with a fresh perspective do this important work.** _

__

* * *

__

 

Bill inhaled his cigar deeply and exhaled. He walked briskly, somewhat soothed by the cool, gentle breeze and sound of the ocean lapping up against the sand. 

He felt guilty. He hadn’t meant to take his anger out on Hillary, he was just frustrated. Maybe he _was_ no different to what that rag suggested. They were both volatile in their temperaments, they had had physical fights in the past, but he’d never hurt her the way it was being suggested. He loved her. 

 

"Mr President!..." Bill heard faintly. He looked behind him to find an agent running towards him. "Bill...there's an emergency..."

 

* * *

 

' _Call me please? Will you be home soon? I'm sorry. H x'_

Hillary sighed and hit the 'send' button.  It was almost 4pm and Bill still wasn't home or returning her messages. She couldnt understand why he was upset with her. She was just as badly hurt by these articles as he was. If not more.

Putting her phone aside, she stood up slowly, a hand supporting her aching back. Her stomach grumbled loudly before the familar rolling sensation commenced. She braced herself for what was to follow. 

'Kick. Kick. Kick' 

Hillary winced and sucked her teeth. She was was awake and active. 

'I'm too tired for this...' she groaned as her baby stretched inside her womb, her limbs jabbing at Hillary's ribs. T he baby had become more active in the past few weeks. Painfully so, at times. The Dr assured Hillary this was normal. To "breath through it or change position". Easier said than done. She didn't recall experiencing the same kind of discomfort with Chelsea. 

Taking a deep breath, Hillary rubbed her stomach. "Ok, ok...let's take a little walk". Her tone quiet but soothing. Her baby continued her somersaulting as she went into the kitchen and prepared herself a snack.

' ** _Ring - Ring! Ring - Ring!'_**

Hillary raced to the kitchen phone. "Bill? Are you alright?"

Silence.

She frowned in concentration. "Honey, I can't hear you, I think your connection-"  

"That's because it's not Bill" the voice replied before breaking into a deep chuckle.

Hillary's blood ran cold, her knuckles whitening from her grip on the phone handle. She didn't say anything however.

"You looked beautiful last night Hillary. How far along are you again? I guess a 'congratulations' is in order. Shame old Bill won't behave himself, at least according to that very insightful article -"

Hillary saw red. "Bill is more man than you'll ever be you piece of shit and mark my words - he will find you and-"

 

"Hillary...Hillary"  Luciano chuckled jovially. "I just  love that fire in your soul. We'd have been perfect together....Anyway, I thought I would be a gentleman and and inform you that I have something here that belongs to you, and im pretty certain you will want."

Hillary's heart jumped into her throat. "I'm not playing your games. You can go to Hell!" 

 

"That's all very well Hillary but you might want to reconsider hearing me out."

Hillary gasped as a kick took her by surprise. She clenched her jaw. This baby would never stop being the reminder. "What do you want." Her voice was deathly quiet.

"I just want to see you. That's all." He replied non chalantly. "A car will be at yours in 30 minutes. You will get into it and come and meet me. Oh, and no agents."

Hillary widened her eyes in disbelief. This man was insane. "No. I am not and will not at any point be indulging your sick, twisted behaviour you bastard."

 

"Fine. Have it your way. Oh, by the way, where _is_ Bill?" Something in his tone put Hillary's senses on alert.

"What?"

"Well, I know he's not home. Wouldn't you like to _know_ where he's disappeared to?"

Hillary didn't respond. She couldn't.

"You may not understand this Hillary", he continued, "But I know what you are doing and where you are 24/7. I know where Bill is and I know where young Chelsea-

Hillary gasped. "You keep away from her!" Panic rising in her voice. She felt light headed. "I swear to God, if you so much as breath her way, I will kill you myself!"

"Be in that car. You can bring one agent. The girl. If either of you even think about alerting the authorities... well... I'm not very nice when I'm upset." 

The phone went dead as he ended the call.

A wave of nausea rolled through Hillary. She rushed through to the living room, grabbing frantically for her phone. Shaky fingers dialled her daughters number.

One ring. Two rings. Three rings...Voicemail.

Exasperated, Hillary ended the call before redialing.

 

'Come on, please pick up Chelsea...please'. 

No sooner had she made her plea when her daughters familiar voice cut through.

"Mom?"

 

"Oh Baby..."Hillary wept with relief.

 

"Mom, are you ok? Chelsea's concerned voice came through. I've just got out of class but I've got a few minutes before my next-"

 

"Oh, no, no, Honey." Hillary tried to supress her trembling voice. "I just missed you..."

 

"Aaaw Mommy. I'll come see you this weekend, Ok?"

 

"No, dont be silly. Its just hormones" she tried to brush off. "You go to class, I'll speak to you later. I love you. Be safe, ok?".

 

"Love you too".

 

Hillary nodded as she hung up. She wiped her face and tried to compose herself. Luciano was bluffing, she reasoned with herself. He didn't know a damn thing about anything.

 

She tried to dial Bill once again. Voicemail.

 

* * *

 

 

The young agent paced anxiously until she saw the sleek blacked out limo pull up. Hillary had briefed her on the situation.

 

"Mrs Clinton."

 

Hillary, who was the picture of calm, nodded and stood up. She had changed into comfortable trousers and a large knitted cardigan over a light blouse. She slipped on her sunglasses and grabbed her handbag.

 

Outside, the driver opened the passenger door. Hannah leaned in and performed an inspection as best as she could before Hillary  slid in.

 

"Ma'am" She put her hand on her boss' shoulder. "I strongly advise you to reconsider this. We can send in a decoy-"

 

Hillary shook her head. She was going to deal with this once and for all. "Are you prepared for this assignment?"

 

Hannah nodded.

 

"Ok. Then we go."                      

 

'Click'. The doors locked with finality as the car drove off.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For @Malvacea xxx
> 
> Thanks again everybody for your encouragement and for sticking by this fic. Time constraints do make it tricky to update regularly and I'm not a natural writer as it is, so I do take some time writing each chapter. 
> 
> Thankgs again and as ever, all feedback and comments are encouraged x

Bill squinted, trying to make out which of his agents was running in his direction. The high afternoon sun blinding him.

 

“Alex, what’s the problem?”

 

“There has been an attempt at breaking into the database for the Foundations list of donors. They don’t know yet how successful the hackers have been.”

   

Bill clenched his fists. “Shit!... Right let them know we’re on our way”.

 

“Yes Sir.”

 

Bill dug into his pocket to find his phone, only then guiltily remembering that he had not bothered to pick it up before he stormed out of the house. He made a mental note to call Hillary when he got to HQ.

 

* * *

 

They finally rolled to a stop after an almost two-hour car journey. It was dusk now. Hillary and Hannah exchanged a glance. The drive had been tense and silent, although Hillary had tried to get the whereabouts of their destination from the driver to no avail. Looking out of the windows was useless, they had been completely blacked out.

 

The driver turned around and handed something to Hannah.

 

“Put this on her. Then yourself.” He instructed.

 

Hannah unwrapped it. “A blindfold? Is that necessary??”

 

Hillary’s eyes widened.

 

The driver shrugged. “We could always remove her eyes”. There was not at trace of humour in his statement.

 

Hillary felt her pulse begin to beat faster, and her heart leapt into her throat, however she kept her composure. “It’s fine.” She nodded to her agent who did as instructed.

 

This sense deprivation caused Hillary to suddenly feel more vulnerable that she had in a while. Not since -

 

‘Stop it Hillary’. She chastised herself. ‘Just keep calm. Show no fear’.

 

She heard the door open and a cool breeze surrounded her.  There was movement. Muffled talking.

 

“Hannah?”.

 

“I’m here ma’am.”

 

She reached an arm out to grab her handbag and slipped it on under her cardigan, making sure it was secure to her body.

 

“Mrs Clinton”. Her ears pricked up. A deep voice spoke.” Please turn your body and carefully exit the vehicle.” It wasn’t him.

 

Hillary did as instruct, stiffening as she felt hands pulling on her arms. “Don’t touch me. I’m fine.” She snatched her arms away. “I can get out by myself.”

 

“Please mind your step”. She felt herself being led inside. Somewhere large, she deduced from the echo of footsteps. The went up few flights of stairs and along long corridors. Her legs ached.

 

Finally, she was seated. She shivered and pulled the cardigan tighter around her.  

 

“Hello?” she called out.

 

Silence.

 

“Hannah?”

 

No reply.

 

Hillary frowned. She tore off her blindfold, blinking rapidly as her eyes re-adjusted. She gasped as she surveyed her surroundings. 

 

A large, beautifully decorated living room with ornate furnishings and antiques. And she was completely alone in it.

 

"I'm not playing your game Luciano!" Except for her own echo, silence enveloped her.

 

'What the Hell  _is_ this?? What am I  _doing_ here??' A sudden fear washed over Hillary as panicked thoughts scrambled about her mind. She stood up on slightly trembling legs.

 

"Oh!" She winced as the baby kicked hard. She felt her shifting around, putting an uncomfortable pressure on her lower abdomen. Hillary took deep breaths and tried to calm herself and her baby, knowing that she would just echo Hillary's anxiety otherwise.

 

'Good girl...' she soothed, breathing heavily whilst rubbing her sore spot. She walked to the door and turned the handle and pulled. Her heart dropped into her stomach. She knew it.She pulled again, hoping that there was simply a catch in the handle and she hadn’t pulled hard enough. There was no budge. 

 

 'Oh God...' Her breathing began to quicken. She gripped the handle tighter, knuckles turning white, and pulled harder, rattling the door to no avail.  

 

"Hannah! ... Hannah are you there??... " Her fist banged on the door. "Somebody, let me out  _now_!" 

 

 Beads of perspiration broke out on her forehead, her heart thumping loudly against her chest. A sudden flashback took her back to that night. 

 

'This is his plan, it's his game.' She reassured herself. ' Don't let him get to you.'  

 

The baby was restless now, no doubt disturbed by her sudden activity.  Hillary let go of the door and fumbled about in her handbag for her phone and pulled it out. No signal.

 "Fuck!"

 

She looked around the room. There was plenty she could use for weapons should she have to. She walked to the large windows and surveyed the frames. Could they be opened? Reaching out, she was surprised to find the latch give way easily and the window opening wide enough for her to manoeuvre out, even with her current state. Relief washed over her. She didn't know where she was or where she was going, but she was damn well getting out of there.

 

It was only when she leaned forward, did Hillary realise her situation. She was two storeys up. 

 

"No! No, no, no, no no..." 

 

There was no way she could get out and down without hurting herself... Or worse. Hillary looked about frantically, eyes darting from one side of the room to the other.

 ‘There must be a way out’ she thought. ‘Oh God, what if I don’t make it this time?’ Her mind was a jumble of thoughts racing through one after the other. Her face was flushed red and getting hotter.

 

Quite suddenly, Hillary went as rigid as a board. A tight cramp began to grow on the top of her stomach, before spreading along her abdomen and back, hardening the muscles unexpectedly.

 

‘Oh God…not now, please not now…’ Hillary prayed as her eyes welled up. Bent over, she clutched at her stomach, her breath coming out in short, shallow gasps. The harder she tried to calm herself, the less it worked. Her head felt as though it was spinning.

 ‘I need to sit down’, she thought. Her eyes began to feel blurry, she tried to blink quickly although this only proceeded to make her dizzier.  Her limbs felt heavy and laboured as she made her way to the sofa. 

Suddenly, her vision faded to black as her body hit the floor with heavy thump.

* * *

 

Bill sighed and glanced up at the clock hanging in his office at the Clinton Foundation Headquarters. He waited for the beep on the other end of the phone before speaking.

"Honey, I'm sorry about this morning, I was an ass. You're probably napping about now but I just wanted to let you know I'll be home a little later. Caught up in a bit of work. I love you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20 following shortly....


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you AGAIN for your kind words and for sticking with this little fic.
> 
> WARNING *** This chapter contain some violence and possibly upsetting scenarios. If you are underage, sensitive or easily offended - PLEASE DO NOT READ
> 
> Otherwise, please enjoy and all feeback is encouraged. xx
> 
> p.s Apologies for any spelling mistakes

Hillary groaned and shifted her weight a little. Her back was throbbing.

She tried to swallow but her tongue felt thick and dry. Water. She needed water.

 

“Bill…” She called out in a hoarsely.

 

A voice chuckled in the background, slowly permeating her consciousness. Hillary frowned a little.

 

“…Bill?” Her voice was a whisper now.

 

“Just us, Senator…”

 

All the hair on Hillary’s body stood on end.  Her heart jumped. She snapped her eyes open as she tried to sit up, only to find a middle aged woman leaning over her. Concern etched on her forehead, a stethoscope planted in her ears and the disc placed against her abdomen. Panicked, Hillary looked around. Her memory quickly came back to her ; trying to get out, the heat, the feelings of entrapment before the sinking sensation and hitting the marbled flooring.

The soft padding underneath her indicating that she has been moved from the  floor and onto the large sofa at some point.

 

"You're alright, you're ok.." The woman's voice soothed as she gently guided her body to lie back. 

 

Hillary's eyes widened. "No, you don't understand, the baby...it's coming. I-I had a contraction-"

 

"Don't worry, I've been monitoring you. I'm a Dr" she explained hastily. "Your blood pressure suddenly peaked which caused you to overheat and lose consciousness. It's not unusual in pregnancy. And your contraction just seems to be a case of Braxton Hicks, it’s quote common when you’re this far along and as an older mother.” Hillary nodded distractedly.

The Dr continued. “You haven't had any more contractions in the 20 minutes I've had the chance to observe you.  And your baby is fine, I can detect a strong heartbeat". She smiled encouragingly.

 

Hillary closed her eyes, relieved that she would not have to go through labour in her current predicament. She licked her dry lips before whispering .

 

"Can you call my husband... _anybody_...please?"

 

A flicker of  apprehension passed over the Dr's face before a voice emerged dryly from behind her in the room.

 

"So is she going to live?" 

 

The Dr's face turned stony. "She needs bedrest", she replied through clenched teeth. "I recommend at a medical facility of her choosing,  _immediately_."

 

"She'll manage my company for a short while longer. This one is a tough cookie, you know. You can go now."

 

The Dr spun around, giving Hillary clear view of him. "But-"

 

"I  _said_  you're dismissed."

 

The Dr reluctantly left the room. 

 

'No! Stay!' Hillary wanted to scream out to the woman. Instead, she lay frozen in her place on the sofa.

 

There he was.  Sitting mere feet away from her, sipping casually from a glass.

 

Hillary glared at him, aghast. Bile suddenly creeped up her chest and into her throat.

 

Luciano smiled at her pleasantly. His grey eyes twinkling gleefully “Welcome back!  I have to admit”, he laughed lightly, “You…you certainly know how to keep a man amused with your antics”.

 

Hillary stared, frozen to the spot, not quite believing her eyes. She followed his movements as he poured clear liquid into a glass before standing up and walking directly to her. His figure loomed over her. As if on cue, a series of somersaults began rolling around in her abdomen. She instinctively wrapped her cardigan tighter over her body.

 

“Here.” Luciano thrust the glass at her.

 

Hillary didn’t move. She daren’t.

 

“It’s just water for Christ’s sake”. He took a big gulp from the glass as if to indicate that it contained no suspicious substances before waving it in front of Hillary.  This did not entice her into accepting.

 

“Fine.” Luciano slammed the glass on to a small side table. “Suit yourself”.

 

Luciano pulled his chair close enough that he was less than an arm’s length from her. He sat back, eyeing her up and down, his gaze settling on her extended stomach.

 

Hillary looked away from him, suddenly feeling exposed. She pushed herself further into a sitting position so that she was upright now.

 

“What is it you want?” She was surprised at the strength of her own voice, for it masked how she was truly feeling. His face curled into a sneer, but he said nothing. “My detail know where I am. As does my husband.”

 

Luciano raised an eyebrow in response.

 

Hillary swallowed the lump in her throat but continued. “So you tell me what it is that you claim you have of mine, or leave me and my family the fuck alone.”

 

She jumped a little as a deep laugh bellowed out of the man in front of her. “My God…you’re brilliant. Fearless! In another life...” He leaned forward and ran his fingers through her hair, forcing her to look directly at him. “We could have been a force together.” His steely grey eyes bore deep into hers. “We still could…”

 

Hillary’s skin crawled at the contact. “Don’t touch me.” She spat as she pulled her head away. Luciano held his hands up as though in mock surrender.

 

"Ok, ok... Look Hillary, here's the thing I'm a reasonable man. A man of honour...family values." 

 

Hillary frowned, perplexed at where he was going. 

 

Luciano continued. "See my daddy came to this country with nothing. Just the clothes on his back, no family, no friends...no-one he could go to for help. But he worked  hard. A real grafter. Went into... let's call it manufacturing and importation. Made something of himself. Earned himself some respect you know?" He stood up and walked to the windows, back towards Hillary. This was it. This was her chance. "And then he married my mama. And had a family- my sisters and I. Oh we had a great life..."

 

'Keep him talking Hill'. She encouraged herself as she slowly moved to grab her handbag at the foot of the sofa. "Why are you telling me this? What does this have to do with anything?" She asked whilst she fumbled about her bag as quietly as she could. 

'Where is it?? Where the fuck has it -- ah!' She could have wept with joy as her fingers wrapped around cold, hard metal.

 

"Why am I telling you this? Well you see, my family, we prospered. We had the gravitas, the adoration of all in our line of business. Until...a certain Clinton came into office and decided to introduce that fucking Assault Weapons Ban. We lost everything. Our home, our business. My daddy was a proud man...he couldn't bear the shame of being a failure, dealing with the mounting debts. He decided to go for a walk one morning and never came back. They found him washed up at the beach a few days later."

 

Silence suffocated the room. ‘So this was it. This was his revenge’ Hillary thought bitterly. "What do you want from me Luciano." 

 

 

His broad shoulders shook as he chuckled but ignored her question. "Well...as you can see, I built this business back up. Diversified a little. But I'm on top. And again, like your meddling husband,  _you_ couldn't keep your mouth shut and called the damn feds on me!" His large fist slammed against the window. "Luckily for me, there's always a palm that can be greased. Anyway, I thought to myself...'Sam, those Clintons need a bit of a lesson to be taught to them'. And boy…you did not see it coming!" He laughed heartily.

 

Hillary was sickened. "You  _raped_  me..."

 

Luciano turned around, still beaming, but stopped abruptly, eyes widening in surprise. Before him stood a heavily pregnant Hillary, arms stretched out, a 9mm glock clasped tightly in her hands.

 

"Woah Hillary, sweetheart, let's not get  excited here. You don't want to shoot me".

 

Hillary scoffed at his audacity. "I want you dead." Glistening blue eyes stared him down. "You destroyed me…you destroyed my life!”

 

“And you destroyed mine.”  His voice has lost it’s joviality now. “Everything is fair in this game.”

 

Hillary looked at him incredulously. “G _ame_  ?! Is that what people’s lives are to you? A game?! Your father was a criminal! And you… you’re even worse.  You’re scum! “

Her hands trembled almost uncontrollably, her finger hovering over the trigger.

 

He took a step forward. 

 

“Don’t  you come near me, or I swear to God, I'll do it…”

 

“Fine. Go ahead. Shoot me.”

 

She blinked in surprise. But did not let it deter her. Lifting her now aching arms higher, she knew her aim was squarely at his chest. Her  heart thumped so loudly against her breastbone she was sure it was echoing about the room. Locking eye contact with him, her finger pulled the trigger...slowly…slowly…

 

Hillary squeezed her eyes shut in anticipation of the bang.

 

Silence.

 

She tried again. Nothing.

 

Hillary opened her eyes in confusion.

 

“Sweetheart, I don’t think you’ll be doing much damage without this…”

 

She looked up to find the bullet clip in his hand. Her blood ran cold. ‘How had she not realised?!’

 

“Like I said…you got gumption. Maybe  _you_ should have been president instead of him.”

 

Without warning, Luciano lunged forward and smacked an open palm hard across Hillary’s face, knocking her sideways on the sofa. The pain hit  her a few moments later but she was too stunned to react. She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt herself being yanked back upright by her hair, letting out a whimper.

 

“You're an ungrateful bitch, you know.” His face was inches from hers.  She felt his other hand creeping up her throat and his fingers clasp around her neck. "I seem to recall a very different reaction from you, Senator...look at me" Luciano instructed. 

Hillary kept her eyes shut. 

 

"I said look at me, slut!" He shook her violently.

 

Hillary screamed out in fear and did as she was told. He looked like a madman. Hot tears brimmed her eyes. 'It's going to happen. He's going to kill me this time...'

 

"As I was saying Senator, my recollection seems to...differ somewhat from yours. I remember how my dick just...sank into you. And you were so ready for me..." His eyes settled onto her mouth and he licked his lips. "Oh you were a tight little thing...and when you came...Oh!...Do you remember Hillary?" 

 

Hillary felt sick. She couldn't do this any more, play this dangerous game of cat and mouse. Tears streamed down her cheeks now. "Please..."

 

"Do you remember cumming on my dick Senator?...Answer me." He pressed his hand harder over her throat. 

"Yes! Yes, I do..!" she cried panicking.

 

"Mmmhhmmm...which is why I was so...confused, Hillary, to find your agents questioning me about your... _rape_?! Didn't you tell them you wanted it? Hmm? That you like it rough?... Was it so Billy wouldn't find out about us? " 

 

He released his hand on her throat, allowing Hillary to gasp in air. However, the relief for Hillary was fleeting as she felt him wander lower...and lower still, until his hand was now pawinging at her breasts.

 

"No!" She tried pulling away, thrashing frantically. "Please, I'm begging you, don't do this. Don't do this again...! Just kill me now but please..." Hillary pleaded with him desperately, searching for any ounce of mercy in his eyes. At this exact moment, her baby planted a kick to the ribs, causing her to unconscously rub her stomach.

 

"If I wanted to kill you, I'd have done it by now". Suddenly, he released his hold on her hair and let her fall back. Her head was throbbing.

 

He sat back down in front of a quietly crying Hillary. "Like I told you, I'm man of honour. And you have something very important to me."

 

"Take all my money, take everything, but please, if you're not going to kill me, just let me be..."

 

"On one condition. And I'm a man of my word...I want that baby."

 

Hillary stared at him, horrified.

 

"...She is mine afterall".

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you my lovelies for all your messages and encouragement. You really have kept me motivated.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and as ever, all feedback and comments are welcome and encouraged x

“Ma’am, you’re sure you’re alright? You don’t need checked over?”

 

Hillary was drained. A quick glance at her wrist squashed any ideas of being anywhere but the comfort of her own home. 12:25am.

 

“No, Hannah. I’m alright.” Hillary replied softly. She looked up at the young woman standing in front of her, appearing to be almost as tired as her. She noticed her cheek was swollen, red and shining. Guilt crept over Hillary. “Take the day off tomorrow, rest” she advised stepping into the kitchen via their back door. “…I’m sorry to have dragged you into a…a situation like that Hannah. I was wrong to -”

 

Hannah shook her head. “Hillary, my duty is to protect you. And I’m proud to do so. But I failed you tonight. I should have been more prepared. They led me into one area and you elsewhere. I-I couldn’t even hear you…”

 

Hillary shook her head. “It’s not your fault. Anyway, it’s late.  Get some sleep… Oh and Hannah. This was all off the record. I want no trace of this anywhere.”

 

“Yes ma’am”.

She watched as the agent drove off into the night and locked the door behind her.

 

Hillary trudged her way up to the master bedroom. She had already picked up Bill's message about being home late. A part of her was glad for this. However the other part craved his comfort.

 

Her whole body ached as she undressed, however she was relieved to see that, despite the dull throbbing on her cheek, Luciano had left no visible marks on her face or neck. She wanted to wash, to clean any remnants of him off of her. His lingering aftershave made her stomach churn. But the sheer effort was too much. She  switched her bedside lamp off and crawled into bed, sighing as she sank into the soft pillows. 

 

She thought she would fall into a sleep immediately, but her mind was more active than ever, which in turn seemed to create an equal restlessness within her womb. 'Why did he let me go?' She Hillary muse, rubbing her stomach in gentle, circular motions. 'He could have kept me...or worse'. Maybe she would have preferred it if he _had_ ended it all for her...

Hillary shook herself out of that mindset almost immediately. No. She was stronger than this. She had to be. 

 

He had been true to his word, he _had_ let her go. What if...what if she could end this whole nightmare by simply giving him what he wanted? Something that _she_ herself did not want, nor care for. She couldn't want it. No. He was right. It was his. _She. She_ was _his._

 

Hillary suddenly felt overcome with a deep loneliness. She picked up her phone and dialled the familiar number. 

 

"Hi honey, I'm ten minutes away. Be home before you know it."

 

"Ok...", she said quietly, eyes tearing up.

 

True to his word, Bill arrived home a few minutes later. He tiptoed into their bedroom, careful to not make a noise as he prepared for bed. He slid in next to Hillary and lay alongside her in a spooning position, her back curled into him with his arm draped over her midsection. A light sniff followed by a gentle shaking caught his attention.

 

"Hill, honey are you awake?"

 

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

 

"Baby, I'm so sorry about this morning. I was being stupid, a total jackass. I'm so sorry I upset you. Will you please forgive me?"

 

Hillary nodded again, a stifled sob escaping her.

 

"Hillary...? Turn around, look at me. Tell me how to fix this?"

 

Hillary adjusted her position so that she was now facing him as best as she could without her bump getting in the way.

 

Bill could just about make her features in the darkness, but the tears glistening on her cheeks were unmistakable. He cupped her face gently and placed a kiss on her forhead. "I'm sorry..."

 

"It's not you, Bill". She replied thickly. "Please...just hold me" she implored as she buried her face in his neck. Inhaling his scent brought her a calm she had been so desperate for. 

 

Bill pulled her in close, rubbing her back as she cried. "Honey, what's upsetting you?"

 

"It's...It's the baby..."

 

Bill stiffened. "A-are you in labour?"

 

She shook her head. "No. I just...I don't know what to do. I feel so alone."

 

Bill tried to swallow the lump that suddenly developed in his throat. "Oh love, you've got me. You've _always_ got me. I know I'll never fully understand how difficult this all is for you, but you can talk to me. _Please_."

 

Hillary pushed herself up in a sitting position and wiped her face. "Bill...please don't be angry with me."

 

Forehead furrowing in confusion, Bill sat up as well and clasped a smaller hand into his own. 

 

Hillary continued. "Something happened. I met him today."

 

"You met...who?"

 

"Luciano".

 

Silence permeated the room thickly.

 

"I had to do it Bill, I'm sorry. I wanted to show him that he hadn't won. That he couldn't break me...but he has..." She broke down.

 

Bill sat dumbfounded at this information. "Wait, Hillary, you need to back up a little and start from the beginning...ok?"

 

And so, Hillary relayed the whole episode to a horrified Bill. The story culminating in Luciano's proposition.

 

His face reddened in anger. "That bastard!" He shouted, slamming his fist down onto the bed. "That absolute fucking- you mark my words Hill, I will end him if it's the last thing I ever do!" Bill jumped up and paced the room, a frantic energy having taken over. 

 

"Bill...Bill, please...sit with me. I need you." Hillary pleaded, holding out a hand. 

 

Bill ceased with his ranting immediately, having realised it would only upset his wife further. "I'm sorry sweetheart." He slipped back into bed and  swept her into his arms and held her tightly. Despite her advanced pregnancy, he found that she did not weigh much more than she used to.

 

"Bill?" Hillary mumbled against his chest. "I don't know what to do."

 

Bill didn't have to ask what she was referring to. He stroked his large hands gently over her hair and let he continue. 

 

"I don't know what I feel for it. The...the baby I mean. When I was pregnant with Chelsea, she felt like an old friend I had known a lifetime...you know? I knew I was never alone. I knew that whatever happened in our lives, she and I would always have this link, this connection... Like an invisible string. I know it sounds silly." She wiped a tear away.

 

"Baby, it doesn't sound silly at all. You're Chelsea's mother. You nurtured her in your belly, you gave her life. And I'll forever be grateful to you, my love."

 

"But with this pregnancy...I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to feel about her. She's like a - a foreign object inside of me. She doesn't belong. I want to feel what I did with Chels. I _want_ to be able to love her, I want to feel us as one, I want to be energised with this little life inside of me...But all I feel with her is an emptiness...a sadness" she shook her head forlornly. "And I know how awful that sounds of me. What sort of a mother projects that onto her unborn baby? I know there are women who can't even get pregnant and here I am, selfishly-"

 

"Hillary, stop. Nobody else matters in this. Just you and how _you_ feel. "

 

Hillary smiled sadly and looked up at Bill's ruggedly handsome face.  "I love you. I couldn't have gone through with...any of this without you. You're my rock." She reached up and caressed his face before meeting his mouth in a tender kiss. "Touch me."

 

"Honey, I don't - "

 

"Shhh...just make love to me. Please?"

 

Bill didn't need Hillary to ask again. He understood that this was not about sex. His baby was broken. She was seeking out some sort of familiarity, to fill that void that had settled over her since that night. If she needed him to feel whole if only for a short while, then he would do his utmost, to give her that.

He studied her in the darkness. She might have not been able to see the positive aspects of her pregnancy,  but he had noticed the subtle glow in her face, the thickness of her hair and the curves she had developed. He felt almost ashamed for having noticed the latter.

 

Manoeuvring Hillary skilfully over his lap so that she was straddling him comfortably, he brought his lips down to her face. Planting gentle kisses on each cheek, before trailing down her neck. Her heard her sigh in contentment.

 

"You want this off babe?" he asked tugging gently at her nightshirt. He was conscious of not leaving her feeling exposed or uncomfortable in any way.

 

Hillary nodded and proceeded to help him remove the garment. Completely undressed now, she said facing Bill, vulnerability exuding from every pore. But she knew she trusted him. She would trust him with her life.

 

"I'll be gentle, my love." Bill whispered knowingly. 

 

"I know." 

 

Bill softly brushed his fingers past her neck and down to the soft padding of her chest. Her nipples had darkened since she had last let him see her. "You're beautiful Hill..."

 

Hillary blushed. After all these years, he still had the ability to make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. 

 

Bill leaned forward and continued planting featherlight kisses along the full padding of her breast, until finally landing on her nipples. He flicked his tongue along the sensitive buds, and heard Hillary gasp. She didn't pull away however, instead thrusting her chest up further towards his willing mouth. He opened his mouth wider and took a hardened peak in his mouth, swirling his tongue against it. 

 

"Oh Bill..." 

 

He proceeded to repeat this process on the other side.

 

Hillary was feeling her need grow more urgent. She crawled off Bill and attempted to yank off his pyjama bottoms. Only partially succeeding, she pulled out his hardening member, and bent down to take him in her mouth. She had to thank him. To repay him for his kindness, the patience he had exhibited with her all these months. Bill groaned at the contact with her hot, wet, mouth. The sight that befell him was the erotic fantasy of many a man; a pregnant wife on all fours performing oral sex. But no. This wasn't about him. 

 

"Hillary... honey stop....stop" He sat up, removing his bottoms for ease. He lay her down before scooting down the bed. Slowly separating her legs, he inhaled her musky, sweet scent. Featherlight kisses were planted along her inner thighs and up her mons, until finally, Bill ran his tongue along the slit of her most private parts.

He heard her whimper and spread her legs further. Bill was determined to give Hillary as much pleasure as he physically could. He swirled his tongue in, out, over her delicately peeking bud until it was hardened and swollen. 

 

Hillary was in heaven. Bill was always a generous lover, but her heightened sensitivity added to the intoxicating sensations. She could feel it building. The tightness deep inside, the fire being lit. The more vocal Hillary got, the more Bill gave her. The tingling was building, she could feel it climbing – **_‘You really are a whore aren’t you… you like to be treated like the that slut that you are!’_**

****

“No! Stop!” Hillary suddenly screamed before pushing Bill off.

 

He looked up bewildered. “Hillary, what?? Did I hurt you??” He looked her up and down fraught at the prospect of having had caused her pain.

 

Hillary drew her knees in, trying to shield her body. “I didn’t want it, I didn’t want it to happen.”

 

Bill was devastated. “Oh honey, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to pressurise you in any way”,  he caressed her back soothingly.

 

Hillary continued, seemingly not having heard him. “ I tried to stop it Bill, I did, I’m so sorry..” she wept almost uncontrollably.

 

“Sweetheart, you’re not responsible for what happened. You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

 

“No I do...” Her body shuddered. “ I did something terrible…”

 

Bill was getting worried now. “Hillary, what is it? You can tell me anything, you know that”.

 

Hillary turned her face away, too ashamed to face Bill. “I…I climaxed…”

 

Bill was confused. “Just now?”

 

“No…that night. Luciano raped me… and I climaxed.” She shook her head slowly in disbelief.

 

Bill’s stomach dropped. “You never mentioned that before.” He said softly.

 

“I’m so ashamed…Please forgive me”

 

The words were out before Bill could stop them. “Did you enjoy it or something?”

 

Hillary turned to him sharply, eyes wide. She was ready to unleash all her anger onto him. To call him every name under the sun, to make him feel the hurt that she was feeling. But one look at his face and Hillary saw a man that was almost as broken as her.  He looked older, his blue eyes dull and lacklustre. Had she done this to him?

 

“No, Bill. I didn’t.” Her voice small and tired.

 

Bill snapped himself out of his self-pity. “No Hillary, I’m sorry”, he put his arms around her. “I shouldn’t even have…Look at me, love.”

 

Hillary did so.

 

“…I love you. You never have to apologise or ask for my forgiveness or anything of the sort. I need you to know that. _Nothing_ was your fault. You were the victim of a despicable crime. Now _he_ deserves to be hung by his innards. And I promise you Hill, if it’s the last thing I do, I will end him.”

 

* * *

 

Hillary snuggled into Bill, sighing peacefully. They had made love. Bill ensuring to be as gentle and loving as he possibly could.

 

Hillary’s eyes were closed as she drifted off, Bill’s hand lazily drawing circles on her arm lulling her to sleep.

 

“Hill?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Tell him you’ll do it.”

 

“Tell who, what?” She asked sleepily.

 

“The baby. He can have her.”

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much again to everybody who has commented and given me kudos on this fic - I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it. I'm sorry I'm so rubbish at updating - I promise it's not intentional!
> 
> This chapter may contain sensitive and upsetting sections so if you are easily offended or upset, please do not read further. If not, please enjoy!
> 
> I would also like to thank @Malvacea for her help and input in writing the article. It's such a help to get an outside perspective.
> 
> As ever, all comments and feedback is welcome and encouraged.
> 
> xx

 

A couple of weeks had now passed since Hillary's encounter with Luciano and she had not heard or received word from him. Whilst she was suspicious of this, she couldn't help but be relieved. Especially considering her due date was fast approaching.

Hillary adjusted her position on the deckchair she was sat in. Bill was away on a "short trip" for the Foundation but would be back in a few days. Huma was staying with her in his absence but had been called away for an emergency meeting in Washington, meaning an overnight stay.

"Hill, are you sure?" Huma double checked as she was walking out.

"Yes! I'm fine Huma" She laughed lightly and pushed her friend out the door. "It's only one night and I  _promise_ I’ll call if anything happens. Ok?"

Huma looked at her. Uncertainty written all over her face. "Look maybe I should -"

Hillary ran a hand through her hair in frustration. "Honestly, it's like talking to a clone of Bill." She took Huma's face in her hands and looked deeply into her warm brown eyes. "Huma, I'm not a child. I will manage for one night. I'm just gonna eat, watch trashy television, then pass out on the sofa!" She smiled.

"Ok. But call -"

" - you if anything." She waved Huma off.

Hillary was doing everything had said and had even manged to fit in a lengthy phone conversation with Chelsea.

Having a rare afternoon to relax in her Chappaqua home, she opted to sit out in the garden, basking in the bright, summer sun with a good book. She breathed deeply and fanned herself, finding herself getting easily winded of late.

'At least it's not Arkansas', she thought dryly, remembering the stifling heat. How ever did she manage then whilst pregnant with Chelsea? 'Well Hill, you were 20 years younger and nowhere near the size of a house.' Her inner voice reminded her.

Her phone beeped, indicating a text message.

'Hi honey - you ok? B xx'

Hillary smiled. 'Yeah. Better when you're back! Hx'

'I'll be back soon as. Don't worry, I promise to be at your side when you go in. Love you. x'

'I love you. H xx'

'Everything is going to work out. I promise.x'

A rush of butterflies bubbled through Hillary's stomach. She and Bill had discussed her options concerning the baby.  _Could_ she give it... _her..._ to Luciano? 

Hillary rubbed her stomach in gentle circles. "I can't put you into the system. It's barbaric..." she mused quietly. "And he is your... He wants to raise you _. He wants_  you in his life".

'But what kind of a life is that, Hillary?' Her inner voice broke out again. 'How do you know what sort of 'life' he can give her? What kind of environment will she be brought up in? What sort of people will be around her? Have you thought of that? Or are you only thinking of your own selfish wants?'

Hillary shook herself out of these thoughts. She had other things to focus on right now. She had a week to go before her cesarean. She had discussed it with Bill and considering all the circumstances, they had both agreed that this would be the best option for her. Her body had already gone through a trauma, she couldn't deal with a labour. Especially taking into account her age.

The baby somersaulted inside, a foot kicking her abdomen. Suddenly feeling exposed, she stood up and made her way back inside. Into the safety of her four walls. 

She made herself a cup of herbal tea. 'What if he gives her away?' Kick. 'Who knows where she could end up. Or worse...what if he does to her what he did to you? What if he lets others -'

"Stop it, stop it, stop it!" Hillary scolded herself through clenched teeth as an elbow jabbed sharply into her ribs. 

* * *

Bill paced the floor. A nervous air filled the dank, empty space he found himself in. He didn’t want to lie to her, but he had to get away. He had to sort out this mess. Once and for all. His jaw clenched as he recalled the article that was sent to him the previous day. 

 

** Their Cheating Hearts **

 

**'Bombshell report emerges after New York businessman Samuel. Luciano revealed to the New York Post that he has been involved in an ongoing affair with former First Lady and the current senator of New York state, Hillary Clinton. He adds that he has private pictures of the two to back this up.**

**In an interview conducted in a secret location, Mr. Luciano details how the two met in 2000 when Mrs. Clinton was on the campaign trail.**

**“I saw her speak and I was just mesmerized. I knew I had to meet her, so I went to every event she did in the greater Manhattan area until I finally got my chance. I had read all those news reports about how this broken, betrayed woman was running for office after her husband humiliated her with that little intern of his, but I found out that that wasn’t true at all. Hillary was delighted to be out of the White House, seemed genuinely interested in the actual job of being senator and she was really listening to her constituents.” He smiled warmly. “We shared a private conversation after one of her speeches and soon we were sharing Tapas at ‘Toro’ on 10th Avenue. It was personal, it was intimate.” He further explains “we became _physical_ rather quickly. We met many times during her campaign and even more so when she was a newly minted senator. She even had some sort of deal with her secret service detail worked out by the time we first hooked up in her New York office. She is a very passionate lover.”**

**As if that allegation wasn’t spicy enough, Luciano further claims that the 14-month long affair ended up leaving the 46-year old Senator pregnant. Apparently Mrs. Clinton ended things after her husband, President Clinton, found out about her delicate condition and tried to actively conceal her circumstances from Mr. Luciano. “Most people don’t know this, but Bill Clinton has a nasty temper. Hillary never verbally confirmed anything to me, but I saw the bruises. I mean, we’ve _all_ seen them _now,_ what with it being public knowledge”, Mr Luciano tells me ruefully, clearly referring to the shocking images revealed to the world not too long ago. The sadness in his handsome face is evident of his feelings. **

**“But I mean who is she thinking she’s kidding. I know that her husband hasn’t touched her intimately in years. The child is mine. The timing, I mean, it’s just perfect. And the President admitted himself in the National Enquirer story, the one where he admits that young Chelsea can’t be his child either because, in his exact words: 'I shoot blanks. She cannot get away with passing _my child_ off as his.' **

**The explosive interview ends with Mr. Luciano saying that, as difficult as it was, he saw “going public” as the only route to appeal to Senator Clinton.  “I just want to say this –**

**‘Please Hillary, we shared something very, very special which created this miracle you carry within you. I don’t know why you have been blanking me, but I beg you - don’t punish our daughter. She deserves a father who loves her.’  Mr Luciano wiped a tear from his eye when he thought I was not looking. Yet another victim caught up in the scandal that follows the Clintons, wherever they may be.'**

 

With it, a note –

_‘I figured you would want to discuss this before it goes to print. Meet me tomorrow and I hand over everything I have – in exchange for what I want.’_

 

* * *

 

Bill glanced at his watch. 7pm. He’d be here now. Any minute. He scanned the empty room once again, making sure to know precisely where his exits were. He didn’t know what exactly this was, but deduced it was a warehouse or factory of some sort. Either way, he did not plan on sticking around much longer than he had to.  His agents were stationed outside. He’d be perfectly safe. He patted his jacket pocket for what seemed like the hundredth time that evening. He had to make sure he had everything he needed. He ran his hands through his thick head of hair in exasperation. His own pacing was making him anxious. Yet looking around, there was not exactly anywhere to sit. 

“Bill! I’m glad you could join me tonight!” Footsteps echoed around the room and gradually got closer until they were face to face. Bill’s blood curdled. He drew his body to his full height and glared at the man.

“I'm here. Just like you wanted. Now hand it over”. He held out a large hand.

 Luciano’s steely grey eyes looked at Bill's strong palm, before looking back up at Bill. His eyes bore into Bills, mocking him. His mouth curled up into a smile. 

“Relax Billy. You’ll get what you came for.” His voice was low, dangerous. “You know, I’m beginning to wonder if I’m making a mistake here… maybe I should wait until  _you_ have what  _I_ want before giving you anything. It only seems fair after all.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

 Bill was using every ounce of his strength not to lunge at him immediately. “Give me the photographs. The flash drive, everything you said you had. Hillary already agreed to your…terms.” He replied through gritted teeth.

“Ah yes…Hillary. She really is one Hell of a woman.”  Luciano clicked his tongue. “Beauty, brains, guts. God what I’d do with a woman like that. Oh wait..." He clicked his tongue. He stopped and observed Bill. " I don't know what she sees in you." Disgust dripping from his tone.  "You're no better than me."

Bill's face reddened with anger and he clenched his fist, nails digging into his palms. " No. I would _never_ her hurt." 

Luciano huffed and let out a cold laugh. The large space echoing the sound back to them. "Oh Bill. I think breaking her heart - _repeatedly, surpasses_ anything _I_ could ever have done to your wife."  

A flicker of guilt flashed through Bill's eyes. He swallowed. His mouth suddenly dry. Luciano, an astute observer, saw this, and smirked before continuing. "From what I hear on the grapevine - and believe me, Mr President, I hear plenty. " He paced in front of Bill casually, one hand in his pocket. "You couldn't keep your dick in your pants even  _before_ you married her. You cheated on her from day one. Breaking that woman bit, by bit...by bit. You broke her, so she wouldn't think she was deserving of more."

 "You're a fucking liar!" Bill spat, unable to control himself further. "I love her!"

 "Oh yeah?" Luciano spun around to look him square in the face. "Tell me Billy, did you love her when she called for you in the middle of the night, but you were in another whore's bed? Did you love her when Monica was sucking you off under the desk?" Bill could feel himself about ready to explode. "Did you love her when you were fucking your mistress as Hillary, alone and frightened, no doubt in excruciating pain, bled out your baby that night? Hmm?"

 Bill felt as though he had been punched in the gut. His knees suddenly felt weak. He had buried that memory so far back it felt like a distant dream. Until now... 

 

* * *

  **1978 - Flashback**

 

_He had come home. He had to avoid her. It was late, she'd be asleep. He could shower now. Quickly, before she woke. A strong metallic odour hit his nostrils as he walked into the bathroom. 'What the fuck...' He switched the bathroom light on, nearly passing out at the sight before him._

_Hillary lay on the floor, curled onto her side in the fetal position, her skin pale and clammy. Her nightshirt was soaked in bright crimson from the waist down. Bill's heart dropped into his stomach._

_"Oh God Hillary...no!" He scrambled to his knees and felt for a pulse. He could barely make it out between the blood rushing in his own ears and his heart thumping in his chest, but it was there. Albeit faint._

_She was rushed into hospital. The Dr confirmed her miscarriage at 16 weeks._

_"I felt unwell. I called your office. They said you came home hours ago"._

_Hillary said nothing more to him that night, or for the next few weeks. There was nothing to say._

* * *

***Present***

 

Bill blinked, bringing him out of the very painful memory and back into the present with Luciano. He had to end this. Now. Eyes blazing, he slowly put his hand in his pocket and grasped the small plastic tube. 

"I'm going to kill you for what you did to my wife." 

Luciano cocked an eyebrow in amusement. "Is that so?"

Before Luciano could react further, Bill lunged at him, knocking the man to the floor.  He raised a fist and slammed it into Luciano's face. "You fucking piece of shit!" He screamed, repeating the process. Luciano fought back, landing a blow across Bills chin. The adrenaline numbed any pain he might have felt, and he struck the man with a few more blows. "Even the maggots won't feed on your flesh". Finally, Luciano stopped struggling. 

Panting from exertion, Bill pulled out the plastic tube, and removed the tip, exposing a thin needle. Hands trembling, he pumped the syringe, allowing the air to push the liquid up. The tip glistened with fluid. He brought it down slowly towards Luciano's thick neck. A mere inch away, and he hesitated. Could he do this? 'This isn't going to _kill_ him'. Bill reasoned. This would just render him immobile for a few hours. Long enough to be shipped away to someplace he'd never come back from. 'But how does that make you a better man than he is? Maybe he's right. I _am_ just as bad as hi-'

Bill couldn't complete his thought as very suddenly, Luciano seemed to get a second wind and managed to haul himself over from under Bill, forcing the him to topple sideways and land painfully on his shoulder. His hand releasing the syringe which bounced onto the floor. A hiss escaped Bill as the pain shot through him. He did not have time to regain his composure before feeling Luciano's dead weight on top of him. Bill was a large man by every account, but even he felt claustrophobic under Luciano. ‘Where the fuck are the agents!?’ he thought.

His mind briefly wandered to how Hillary, who barely came up to his shoulders, must have felt. Forcing himself to fight back, he headbutted the man on top of him. Luciano howled as his nose burst open, blood gushing heavily. 

"You're a fucking dead man!" Luciano screamed, clutching at his face before pulling Bill’s head back by his hair and slamming it onto the concrete floor.

Bill groaned, the room suddenly beginning to spin.

Luciano, still on top of Bill, leaned an arm forward and took hold of the small syringe. “You thought you could you could get the better of me?” his free hand curled into a fist and landed on Bill’s face. “I wanted a civil talk. Man, to man…but you…!” His face curled up into a twisted smile. “You and your whore are exactly the same!...Let me tell you something” He leaned down to Bill’s ear. “I fucked her so good. She was so damn tight on my dick. Like a little virgin.” His blood mingled with his spit as he spoke. “She came so hard as I fucked her senseless. Hillary finally got herself a _real_ man. I put my seed inside her, and her little cunt just swallowed it right up.”

Bill groaned. He could hear every disgusting word however found it near impossible to move under Luciano’s weight.

“Now let’s see what this little gift you brought me does…” Luciano chuckled as he brought the needle down to Bill’s neck…and pressed.

Bill felt the slightest of pricks, but he knew what was happening. ‘Oh God no…’ his mind screamed. He mustered up all the energy that he could and flipped Luciano over. He could get away… he had to run…take Hillary and leave the country…But it was too late. His body slumped back on to the floor. ‘Move!!’ He screamed at himself. His muscles however refused to co-operate with his mind. He saw a grotesque and bloodied version of Luciano hover over him through blurry eyes.

“Nobody is coming to save you Billy. My men outnumber yours. In fact, you agents are probably long dead. Now…let’s get you away from here.”

 

 

 

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

Hillary winced as she adjusted herself in bed. Again. Her back had been aching badly for the past few hours. In fact, her whole body ached and all she wanted to do was sleep. She breathed deeply, rubbing her abdomen to soothe the dull ache. ‘Were things this difficult with Chelsea?’ She frowned in annoyance. She really couldn’t recall feeling so heavy and bloated.

“Please…” She groaned out loud to nobody. Succumbing to the defeat, Hillary decided to just get out of bed. She had to pee again anyway.

A beeping from her phone alerted her to a message.

‘Mom! Found the jalapeno sauce we were discussing – Will bring back a few bottles :-D’

Hillary smiled lightly, remembering her conversation earlier with Chelsea. 

‘I look forward to it! Mxx’

Once out of the bathroom, Hillary was about to get in to bed, however chose against it. She walked into her closet and decided to rearrange the space entirely. Getting rid of what she no longer wore and finding things she had long forgotten about. Most of the outfits would have to wait until she was back to her pre-pregnancy weight, she lamented. There were however a couple of dresses she thought she might get away with trying on again.

No such luck. Try as she might, the dresses would not go past her hips. And no wonder, she frowned, inspecting herself. Her stomach was more swollen than it had ever been with Chelsea. Turning to her side, she noticed her belly was lower than when she last inspected it a few weeks ago. It would be over with soon. She stared absentmindedly until a sharp kick to the ribs brought her back.   
She gasped and bit her lower lip, rubbing her stomach to soothe the pain. 

Hillary felt restless, her back pain felt sharper from carrying her weight, her legs heavy and achy. She had to move, even just to distract her from her discomfort. Throwing on her nightshirt, she decided to head to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. 

Before she even reached the door, she stopped dead in her tracks. A pain emanated from deep within her abdomen, tightening around her womb and a round to her back. Hillary let out a loud gasp, both in surprise and pain, as the sensation lingered for a few moments longer than she would have preferred, before slowly dissipating.  
She stood still, waiting… For what, she wasn’t sure. But nothing else came. 

Tentatively, Hillary made her way down to the kitchen. Herbal tea always helped her when she was tired. She put the previous cramp down to just that – being over tired.

She prepared herself a sandwich to take up to bed with her, not caring that it was almost 11pm. 

‘Who’s going to judge me’, she thought wryly, licking the butter knife. She wasn’t anywhere public where she would be mocked for her eating habits. And she could pile it up with whatever she chose. 

Hillary made her way back up to bed and tried to make herself as comfortable as possible. She switched on the television as a distraction, putting on an old romantic comedy as background noise. She always did like those films. They provided an escapism that she knew ‘real-life’ would never afford her.

In spite of her aching body, Hillary managed to doze off.

***

Hillary awoke with a start. Her heart was beating fast against her chest. She could hear groaning. Her eyes widened as she looked around, alarmed.

It was then that she realised that the sound was coming from herself. Her hands flew to her abdomen as a pain cut through her abdomen and around to her back.

“Oh no…”

***

Hillary paced the length of her bedroom; her body was in such discomfort she really couldn’t sit down for too long in one position. She felt the baby attempt a somersault, however due to the lack of room, it only furthered her discomfort. 

“It’s ok…” She murmured “We’ll be ok…”

Her contractions were still about 20 minutes apart, and it was only 1am. She knew she’d have to see this through for a while until there was more progress. Or hopefully none. 

She picked her up her phone and keyed in Bill’s number. She was hesitant to ring him. 

‘You’re not exactly in full blown labour Hill. Why worry him?’ Her mind rationalised.

But her heart craved her husband’s comfort. Even if it was only from words on a screen.

‘Are you awake? x’

She tossed her phone onto the bed and picked up a book. Anything to distract her. Hillary was not even a page into the book when she heard that familiar beep. She looked up, only mildly surprised. He was a night owl after all.

‘Hillary. What’s up babe?’

‘Can you talk? I miss you. x’

‘Of course, you do. But no. I’m busy. In a meeting. Why aren’t you getting your beauty rest?’

‘Too uncomfortable. My back hurts, and my boobs hurt and my legs ache. ☹ x’

‘Maybe you need a good fucking ’

Hillary’s mouth was agape. The bloody nerve of him.

‘Wtf Bill. That’s not funny!’

‘Relax sweet cheeks. I was only messing with you’.

Hillary winced as a sharp pain shot through her. Her face reddening.

‘Bill? I think I’ll have to go to the hospital. x’

‘Fuck, why?’

Hillary rolled her eyes. Why was he being so dense?

‘I think I’m in early labour. I’m scared. I need the caesarean’. x

‘Shit. Make sure to keep your legs shut.’

She frowned as she read his reply. Why was he being so crude at a time like this?

‘Bill. You need to meet me there when I go in. Can you come back? Please?’

‘I’m sending a car – be ready in 30 minutes.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You’re going to get the best care, babe. I’ll make sure of it.’

Hillary bit her lip apprehensively. Although in great discomfort, she much preferred to be uncomfortable in her own home than a cold, clinical hospital room. Besides, it might taper off. She hoped.

‘No Bill, not yet. I’ll let you know. I love you.’ x

‘Fine. Let me know asap. Don’t forget. 

***

Hillary buried her face into the pillow, muffling her moans. She felt her body tense as a pain washed over her. 

After about a minute, she relaxed onto the bed, breathing heavily. It was almost 5 am now, and her contractions had only gotten closer, now 10 minutes apart for the past hour. Ignorance was not an option any more.

She picked up the phone and dialled Bill. It rang….and rang some more. ‘Come on…’ 

No Answer.

He was probably asleep. She tried again, however was unsuccessful.

‘Bill. I need to go to go the hospital. Going to phone Dr Paige. Please hurry.’ x

Almost immediately, a message popped up.

‘Don’t call anybody. Sending the car. Be ready.’

‘Call me, please? I need you’ x

‘Busy babe. But I’ll sort everything. Just get in the car.’

***

Exactly 30 minutes later, Hillary stood outside, waiting for the car. She had put on a simple black knee length skirt and blouse and a pair of black slip-ons for comfort.

Her brows furrowed in pain as another contraction hit her. The car pulled up outside, and aided by the driver, Hillary slid in to the blacked-out car.

‘This was it…’ She just hoped Bill would get to the hospital soon.

***

Hillary tightened her grip on the car seat, trying her best to keep quiet as a contraction hit her again.   
She tried to steady her breathing and calm herself. 

She looked out the window. They had been driving for what seemed like forever on what would be a 45-minute journey. However, she deduced that in her pain, any length of time would seem longer than it actually was. Picking up her phone, she was dismayed to find there was no service. 

She pressed the button to speak to the driver.

“Could you tell me how much longer we will be?” 

Silence.

Hillary frowned. She pressed again to alert him that she wished to speak with him. “Hello, could you please let me know when we will be at the hospital?”

The driver did not respond.

‘Maybe the intercom is broken…’ 

Steadying herself in the moving car, she leaned forward and knocked on the partition.

Again, there was no acknowledgement from the driver.

Hillary felt nervous flutters suddenly overcome her, her mouth going dry. She banged harder.

There was no mistaking he had heard this for he turned his head briefly, only to face forward again.

Hillary banged her fist again, panic rising. “Why aren’t you answering me?! We should be at the hospital by now!”

Tears brimmed Hillary’s eyes as her question went unanswered. She sat back onto the seat, her body painfully uncomfortable. She rubbed her stomach in soothing circles.

‘We’ll be ok...’ she echoed her earlier thoughts.

***

“Oh fuck!!….” She screamed, feeling the pain of another contraction go through her. She was on her knees on the floor of the car, leaning face forward into the seat, grateful that the back was at least spacious. She found this position to be the most comfortable under the circumstances. Shaky hands wiped at her sweaty forehead. 

They had now been in the car for 90 minutes. This wasn’t right. Picking up her phone, she could have wept. Why the fuck was there no signal??

Pressing the intercom, Hillary spoke again. “Please help me… the baby is coming…. I can’t – Aaaahhh!-”

He had heard her. She was sure of it from his demeanour.

A crackle, then a deep voice. “Ma’am. We will be on location in 10 minutes. A medical professional has been briefed and is waiting for you.”

‘A medical professional??’ 

“No, where is my own Dr? And Bill. I need my husband!”

“He will meet you there, Ma’am.”

Finally, the car rolled to a stop. Peering out the window, Hillary found the surroundings eerily familiar, but couldn’t quite place her finger on it. Until she saw it. Her heart dropped into her stomach.

“No…” She pushed herself back into the seat. “No, no, no… This can’t be happening….”

The passenger door popped open. 

"Ma'am, please step out carefully."

Hillary shook her head frantically. "No. Don't make me...please. Take me anywhere, leave me on the side of a road, but please..." Her glassy blue eyes met the driver's, pleading with him. He looked away immediately. 

"Mrs Clinton, the boss is awaiting your arrival. You will receive medical attention once you get settled in. Now please step out carefully". His voice was robotic, emotionless. 

Wide eyed, Hillary nodded. She stepped out apprehensively, reluctantly accepting his arm. No sooner had she stood up, than the now familiar but unwelcome tightening began in her back before building to a crescendo as is washed over her. She dug her fingernails into his forearm and cried out through gritted teeth.

The driver stood still, unsure of how to react to a labouring woman. 

A sob escaped Hillary as she leaned on the body of the car. She was so tired. 

Taking a few moments to catch her breath she, looked around and observed her surroundings. Luciano's sprawling mansion loomed behind her.

Once steady, she spoke out.

"I just... I need water. Please". She asked, licking at her dry lips.

The driver nodded and leaned into the car, before bringing out a tumbler with clear liquid. 

Hillary accepted it gratefully and swallowed a gulp.

Then quick as a flash, she threw the water in his face and smashed the tumbler hard against his cheek. She was sure she heard a crack.

Hillary ran towards the treeline, as he howled in pain behind her.

'Almost...' She ran as quickly as her legs would carry her. Fighting through the pain. 'Oh God, please...let me make it', she prayed as her flight instincts kicked in. 

Looking back momentarily, Hillary saw the driver, clutching at his face, now speaking with another man, pointing in her direction. Her eyes wandered up the facade of the house and stopped. Her blood ran cold as her blue eyes met his steely grays. 

But Hillary couldn't stop now. She continued sprinting, aiming for the trees surrounding the property, knowing she could hide. She was almost there. She could do it. Her back felt as though it were piled on with hot coals.

Finally, she felt herself surrounded by thick trees as she ran past the treeline and into a densely wooded area. The early morning sun helping to illuminate the area.

Hillary ran until her legs felt like jelly and could carry her no further. They were behind her somewhere, she could hear them shouting and cursing.

Beads of sweat rolled down Hillary's forehead and neck.

She leaned against a tree as another contraction ripped through her, covering her mouth with an arm to muffle her cries. Her womb tightened painfully, pain shooting down to her nether regions and inner thighs. They were getting longer , more intense.

Hillary let out a gasp as she felt a sudden popping sensation between her legs, followed by wet trickling down her thighs.

Hillary's stomach twisted in nausea. Her waters had now broken. There was no going back from this.

Bile rose up in her throat forcing Hillary to empty the contents of her stomach.

Sitting back against a tree, Hillary rested her head. Eyes feeling heavy. She suddenly felt cold and shivery.

The voices were getting closer, she had to run. But her body was exhausted to the point of giving up.  
She closed her eyes. 'Just for a minute', she reasoned as slowly...slowly...she sank into the comfort of darkness.


End file.
